Today, I had to tell all the trick-or-treaters that I'd run out of candy. I'd actually bought about $50 worth of candy, but managed to eat all of it by myself, sitting alone in my apartment, exactly like last year. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I bought fifteen bags of candy for the trick-or-treaters. I sat outside with a bowl of candy the whole night. Only one person came. FML
Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML
Today, I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into my house. I've been searching my house for two hours and still can't find him. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML
Today, I dressed up like a pirate, dressed my dog as a parrot and bought $30 worth of candy to pass out to trick-or-treaters. I waited by the door for 3 hours. Not one kid came. FML
Today, a kid came Trick-or-Treating at my house. When I told her it was still one more day until Halloween, and that I didn't have any candy, she wound-up her fist, punched me in the groin, and ran off laughing. FML
Today, after a stressful shift at work, I bought three bags of candy to hand out to trick-or-treaters tonight. I didn’t realize until I got home that one bag had a hole in it, and there were three empty M&M wrappers inside. My grocery store sucks. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to get a bunch of candy for our first Halloween at our new house, so she got $60 worth. We got into an argument about who was going to give it out. It’s now 9 p.m. No one came to our door all night. FML
Today, while up in my room getting ready to go out, I thought I heard some trick or treaters knocking on the door. I ignored them because I didn't have any candy. The knocking got louder and longer. I walked downstairs, and noticed that the living room ceiling was falling down onto the floor. FML
Today, I woke up excited to go trick-or-treating, the treat being candy. Instead, my town has officially postponed Halloween due to blackouts. I guess this is where the trick comes in. FML
Today, I was pretending to be a mom with my friends, and I was joking how I bought them candy and that it cost me an arm and a leg, only to realize that the cashier only had one arm. FML
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Top comments
joee182 3
Forever AloneD': lmao
xxmarissaaaxx 9
How could anyone eat that much candy??
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Comments (213)
tygerarmy 35
Next year if you buy candy sit outside with the bowl. You can watch all the trick or treaters walking around in their costumes. If you need more than that to stay entertained bring out a phone, radio, mp3 player or iproduct. And buy a cheap silly hat, horns or something.
borche 5
Reminds me so much of myself. I literally cants stop eating lately, Is it my boyfriend dumping me or being bullied at school, I don't know! Hugs sweetie
dansco 25
Wow your (gonna be) sick!
dorkyprincess 1
Put your self out there, get a date, problem solved. No need to thank me
kitsune3 20
...OP, you DO realize there is a much easier solution, right? Don't have your proch lights on, and they'll know better than to come to your house.
i_wuz_nver_here 31
FATASS
LimeSharpie 6
Y don't u buy ur candy the day before or something or the same day so u don't eat it and get a life!!! Or at least a girlfriend
randomail44 0
U remind me of Barney from the simpsons
ddrocker23_fml 0
talk about diabetes & caveties ouch good luck op
helpfulperson 9
You have no self restraint