Today, I had to pull guard duty. I had to guard the latrine because somebody likes to stuff whole toilet paper rolls in the toilet to clog it. Only six more months in Iraq. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was taking a dump at work at a nursing home. While reaching for the toilet paper, I accidently pushed the emergency button. The nursing supervisors broke into the washroom to help. FML
Today, while all the other marines got to fly around the island on a helicopter, I got stuck on gear guard. What was I guarding? The staff sergeant's parking spot. FML
Today, I went to change the toilet paper roll. I failed. It was the last roll of the "right kind," and my wife is "fine" and "not mad." Let the confinement continue. FML
Today, after 4 months of no family contact while deployed in the military, I receive an email from my mother. Attached was a picture of a toilet full of green shit, with a message from my mom saying, "Seen neon poo before? Thought I would share!" FML
Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML
Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML
Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML
Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML
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Top comments
Sadielovesyou 0
who is stupid enough to clog the toilet! what an idiot!
mamamiaaa_fml 12
I think the military is doing what they are ordered to do. It's important that people are able to understand this. I don't agree with the war over there especially the justification used, but I have a lot of respect for someone (whatever the reason: to serve country, tuition money, just a job, etc) who has enough courage to go out there leaving friends, family, and all the comforts of home to go and fight, or perform whatever service in harms way. It takes a lot and it's not the soldiers' fault we are there it's the politicians so blame them JS.
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Comments (212)
BeRealz 0
Wow, really? You go calling me a "tool", when you're in mid-30's and you don't even know that? Nice going.
mythoughts 0
Sucks to be on your base. If you were in the green zone they have contractors for that so you don't have to bother with cleaning/watching to skookums. If you are down range you would be burning it every time to barrel gets full or moving to a new FOB when mission dictates. I have a hard time believing this post, unless you are at some weird base that has to clean your own skookums or something. The military wastes money left and right so to think that they would waste a soldiers time watching the pooper vs paying loads of money to some local is far fetched. There are some dumb jobs in the military overseas, but not this dumb. Are you really military? Or a cilvian contractor and they no longer need your position so they are paying you lots of money to do nothing?
Bayji_Gunner 0
He is not cleaning the latrine, he is guarding it. I am pretty sure the days of burning your own shit in Iraq ended around OIF2. Trust me Soldiers will be put on shitty details like this one especially if you piss off your 1SG.
rldostie 19
The military likes to waste money but I've never seen any form of guard duty pulled by anyone but military. Besides, if a local was guarding it, then you'd have to have a soldier guarding the local. Locals were never allowed on our camp without a full time escort. Chances are the OP is military and his commander is just as ass (typical of commanders, if you ask me).
sillsucks 0
I feel your pain dude 2 weeks lockdown for a radin unaccounted for and we found it by a dumpster my thxgiving day was spent in a motorpool on a cot freezing my ass off I know I'm not in iraq and I thnk you for serving
rldostie 19
I hear you. At JRTC in Polk some asshole lost a detonation wire. After 30 days in the field, four extra days out there in the LA heat until they found it. Sometimes it sucks to be a soldier. lol.
atcontroller22 0
boo whooo you have to sit inside the wire and watch a toilet. sack up. watch the toilet and keep the bitching to yourself, you're making real soldiers look bad. to those putting down the military FYL for being ungrateful, uneducated, BS regurgitators. stop passing these unoriginal thoughts you heard on TV as your own ideas.
tawnibaby 0
like(:
amthony82 0
I was just signing in to remind him that he IS. a tool because he said you were in your mid 30s when you were born in 84! what a tool! oh well.... good riddance
skyeyez9 25
At least you're not on shit burning detail.
RKD 23
I would CLEAN the damn thing if it meant not having to worry about getting shot at! Sounds to me like the op lucked out!
rldostie 19
come on, OP. You know shit burning detail is 100% worse. lol. When I was there, we didn't even have latrines. Just half barrels that every night we had to pour fuel in, light, and stir. Nothing quite like the smell of burning shit... Chin up, though. It will be over soon. Thank you for your service!
crowbar87 0
you are pretty
clothesoptional 0
Thanks for all you do! even if it does involve toilet duty
CoolAsian 0
I have bags ): what should I do?