Today, I had to pull guard duty. I had to guard the latrine because somebody likes to stuff whole toilet paper rolls in the toilet to clog it. Only six more months in Iraq. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I was taking a dump at work at a nursing home. While reaching for the toilet paper, I accidently pushed the emergency button. The nursing supervisors broke into the washroom to help. FML
Today, while all the other marines got to fly around the island on a helicopter, I got stuck on gear guard. What was I guarding? The staff sergeant's parking spot. FML
That sinking feeling…
Today, I went to change the toilet paper roll. I failed. It was the last roll of the "right kind," and my wife is "fine" and "not mad." Let the confinement continue. FML
Today, after 4 months of no family contact while deployed in the military, I receive an email from my mother. Attached was a picture of a toilet full of green shit, with a message from my mom saying, "Seen neon poo before? Thought I would share!" FML
Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML
Toilet humour
Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML
Good one, thanks
Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML
Ring of fire
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML
Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML
Top comments
Sadielovesyou 0
who is stupid enough to clog the toilet! what an idiot!
mamamiaaa_fml 12
I think the military is doing what they are ordered to do. It's important that people are able to understand this. I don't agree with the war over there especially the justification used, but I have a lot of respect for someone (whatever the reason: to serve country, tuition money, just a job, etc) who has enough courage to go out there leaving friends, family, and all the comforts of home to go and fight, or perform whatever service in harms way. It takes a lot and it's not the soldiers' fault we are there it's the politicians so blame them JS.
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Comments (212)
jagd 0
ya gotta hold off the front line, and if you need the toilet, you wouldn't technically be leaving your post
Revolution26 0
Suck it up boot. Iraqs a ******* feild trip. Quit crying POG
s3xw4x 0
ya ****** boot, must be nice to not have to do shit except guard shitters all day
zachf444 0
actually I think that's why it's an FML, because he has nothing better to do then watch shitters. so he's agreeing with y'all. I swear grunts are retarded...
WillKill4Beer 0
Well maybe if you were a grunt and had a REAL mans job, you wouldn't be posted up like a mailbox near the shitter lookin for MRE babies wrapping toilet paper. F'n boot. and the wars over! You missed out on OIF sucker!
ahc123 4
How bout u put a cork in it asshole & b thankful OP is giving up his freedom, & possibly life, everyday just so u can take a shit without your bathroom blowing up...
BeRealz 0
Stop trolling based on army people, for attention. Op, you're a idiot. Due to the fact of army bases, etc keep their bases fenced, on watch. And, any failure of immature, in army. Will be kicked out, or whatever.
BeRealz 0
To add, you're an insult to the army. By attempting to post yourself as a army:marine. You're a disrespect. Hell, if one of my friend saw this. You'd be dead by now.
JINJANINJA 0
If someone taught you decent spelling and syntax, we'd be able to understand what the **** you were trying to say
sabroso 0
fo realz
BeRealz 0
Summary: The OP is an insult to the marines. Why? by pretending to be one. Why do I think OP is pretending? In my opinion, I doubt any marine would post their "cry me a river" story on a "FML" app. If they were highly trained to use patience.
BeRealz 0
28- Were you ever enlisted? Or trained to be a marine? If not, ask a friend or any army/ marine. If they would complain on FML app about that..
gilthegimp 4
I am in the army getting ready for another deployment, and I'd say about 90 percent of the soldiers I know would complain about pulling that kind of duty.
CitrusGirl 0
You can't say anything until you're in there yourself. I have 3 friends in the marines and 2 family members in there too. But I don't go around blowing my whistle pretending like I know everything about this branch of our military. Because I don't. Because I myself am not a marine. In conclusion: Indeed, you are a tool.
knoll4007 3
you made my day by owning tat asswipe ^^
BeRealz 0
Yet, y'all failed to see I said " in my opinion".
mythoughts 0
Not every soldier acts like you see on the movies. Trust me when I say that there are at least 50%(that's being nice) of your lower enlisted that can jack things up in a heartbeat. You only need a GED or diploma from HS and to pass a test to enter the military so not all of them are rocket scientist. All are trained to be in combat, but not trained to use the toliet in correct steps. But who knows, the OP could be some 15 yr old punk that was bored one night and thought this up, we don't know. This is FML, nothing that requires proof of your story. Don't take things to heart.
knoll4007 3
well, thats in my opinion too (:
duckie227 22
ydi for joining the military
saint_jimmy 0
Well, someone's got to protect your stupid ass's rights to say shit like this. Might as well be OP.
rusrsbrah 0
if you don't wanna stand behind them for support, hell why don't you stand in front of them? You're probably just saying this because you're too much of a pussy to join. you don't deserve that master cheif avatar
Flamehog9 0
You colored a Halo picture with crayon, so chances are you know nothing about it, and you're probably getting your ideas of war from your pathetic games.
brit8741 0
What 20 means is, thank you for serving our country. :)
CitrusGirl 0
He probably got the pic from google. And also, if he got his ideas of war from Halo he'd have respect. UNSC is the shit. If he gets it from COD we all know why he's an idiot.
C6Racer 0
My kind of girl^ lol
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
54: I support the men and women of our military, but ******* hell, how I hate that "stand in front of 'em" shit. "Agree with us or we'll shoot you, FOR DEMOCRACY!" The obvious hypocricy doesn't raise any red flags in your mind?! FFS, isn't the whole point of risking real, human lives in defense of our nation to protect things like, y'know, the right to openly disagree with the government and/or popular opinion? You can't pick and choose who gets to exercise those rights without killing the freedoms our soldiers so proudly defend.
anorexicbarbie 8
Halo sucks, die.
CitizenSnipz 0
My love for TIJD rose yet another 50%
duckie227 22
hmm me the pussy? haha. at least I was brave enough to even SAY the opposite of popular opinion. many people who feel like I do ( and believe me there are more than just ME out there ) sit at home scared to speak up. well, **** it. agree with me or not, I don't care. and before you go making asumptions know a few things. 1) I'm 100% female (I have boobs!) 2) I tried joining the army, because I have asthma, no luck. 3) I dated a guy who joined and here's WHY I lost respect, when he came back from basic (basic training, not even Iraq) he was a total jerk. he left a loving boyfriend and came back a jerk. the army taught him to be a jerk. and this is NOT the only case I've heard about. besides what sane person would run off and leave a family behind to suffer alone while you 'fight for your country'? Then go and get yourself killed and suddenly the family is down one parent and suffering forever? so yeah YDI, buddy.
deven329 1
**** you
chimariavirus29 0
the military teaches you how to live off the basic necessities in life. it breaks you down both mentally and physically. so yeah he might have come back a "jerk". he's seen things you haven't. what did you think the military was gonna do to him? smh... YDI
XxdarkangelxX13 0
I get ur point I agree with u why can't we all just stop war and have peace:) I hate it, too many people die:(
XxdarkangelxX13 0
I respect the soldiers I just don't like war
duckie227 22
I agree with you there too 193 / 195. thank you
ahc123 4
You are no better than 14. is there really this many people in the world tht r so freakin clueless?!?
Zebidee 9
Look on the bright side, at least you're not out on operations having someone try to shoot you in the head. If all your war stories are about how boring it was, thank your lucky stars.
Judus_beej 0
our tax dollars at work.
alex1432 9
I know right
sjchapman 6
it sucks that's your job for the day but regardless thank you for your service :)
skankster823 0
hahahahahhahahh, Beavis & Butthead join the Army
LtChicken 0
least you're not getting shot at?
Bayji_Gunner 0
I was going to say quit your bitching, however being stuck inside the wire is the worst. I rather be patrolling and dealing with IED's than to be on base.