Today, while all the other marines got to fly around the island on a helicopter, I got stuck on gear guard. What was I guarding? The staff sergeant's parking spot. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, one of my junior marines called to tell me they were in an accident that totaled both cars. The car he hit was parked in a nearby parking garage. It was mine. FML
Today, I had to pull guard duty. I had to guard the latrine because somebody likes to stuff whole toilet paper rolls in the toilet to clog it. Only six more months in Iraq. FML
Today, I was posted with a very lonely gate-guard. From the second I arrived, I had to listen to him drone on and on, and now I know his entire life story. I was there for four hours. FML
Today, I woke up and I'm still in the Marine Corps. FML
Let me out!
Today, I parked my car in the company lot and walked down the street to a mandatory company training. While I was at the training, everyone back at the office decided to leave early and locked the company lot. My car is now stuck there for the night and I'm walking home. FML
Today, I got my posting orders for the Air Force. After spending four years training and studying to become an aerospace engineer, I am getting sent to the only base without aircraft. FML
Today, my car was stolen from the parking garage, the same one I work at as a security guard. FML
More responsibilities please!
Today, at my job as a supermarket manager, I had to break up a fight over a handicapped parking spot, in which an elderly man nearly got beaten over the head with a prosthetic leg. This wasn't what I expected when I was told I'd been promoted. FML
Today, my father picked me up from the police academy I'm attending, and got caught speeding. The officer was my drill instructor, and I had to do push-ups on the side of the highway. FML
You're in the army now, oh ohoh, you're in the army. Now.
Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML
Top comments
MagicMushrooms 0
RAMIERZ!!! GUARD MY PARKING SPOT!
mfmylifesrsly 30
I love military men :)
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Comments (319)
mylifesucksserio 15
apply for an officers position
THEmuffinpan 0
Because that's something you just apply for. No OTS or anything.
mylifesucksserio 15
if i could do it anyone can
mfmylifesrsly 30
woah and you're 17?? congrats man!
LordGoober 13
^^ win for the stalker lol jk
mylifesucksserio 15
thanks but im actually 18, i cant put my real DOB up
darladaniels 0
sounds like a PFC to me.. perfect f*cking candidate
Porschephile 0
You're an idiot. Don't assume that Japanese military rules are the same as Aussie ones.
mylifesucksserio 15
your missing my point im trying to say that people need to try, and if you fail you have to get back up and keep trying, the moment you give up, you fail.
klutzyduck1 24
First of all, I believe this poster is a US Marine merely stationed in Japan, not a member of the Japanese Army. Secondly, in the US to be an Officer it requires a BA (4 year) degree (there are ways you can be one if you are almost done), and then you go to specific training. You can't just apply like at McDonalds. So it's not just a matter of trying as an 18 year old.
DesB 7
Wow that's as dumb as a 1st sgt telling my husband to massage a sand bag... And getting yelled at for not massaging it properly... How in the world do you massage a freaking sand bag?
mylifesucksserio 15
Its exactly the same thing here, you start as an officer cadet and its all about trying and applying yourself, thats the only way you can get to the top just like everything else in life. I never said it was going to be easy.
LordGoober 13
47- I'm sure your right because i THINK marines are only in the U.S. armed forces. but if I'm wrong feel free to correct me
jvillan87 5
49- Your mans 1st SGT is just a dick. I had a SSG in my company who used to pull the same shit. As for you OP. FYL. I had to pull CQ on the weekend our company got to play as OPFOR during MOUT training for the guys in AIT. They came back telling me how the AIT kids got owned while I got to tell them all about staying up for 24 hours answering phones in the barracks day room.
ProhibitionRose 14
Pretty sure Op is a US Marine, since the Japanese military is the Japanese Army... My husband (also a Marine) was on a deployment there for 8 months... And they have to have a certain amount of credits built up before they can be considered for promotion...unless they are meritoriously promoted...
spencespencespen 0
no you can't. it's a process. not just "I want to be an officer"
klutzyduck1 24
1, 15, 27, 42, 50---Then you aren't an officer, technically I wouldn't even say you are in the military yet. Taking college classes practicing, isn't the same thing. Besides the original post has nothing to do with the person not trying hard, it's the way things go in the military. If you think that by being a lower ranking officer you aren't going to have to follow orders from above and do stupid, menial or just crazy tasks, you are just wrong. So just consider your post here a fail and pick yourself up and try again;). Oh, and #60 I don't know whether Japan has marines or not for sure, but the rank system mentioned makes me assume it's US military.
dre_bro11 12
117, cool story.
rogerusmc23 0
definitely US military. i posted this earlier.. i dont know why it says anonymous.
jacomarine89 5
USMC. UNCOMPLICATED SHIT MADE COMPLICATED
Jrwright0311_fml 0
Quit crying boot. We all had to do our time.
rldostie 19
Becoming an officer isn't as easy as saying, "I think I'll be an officer today." He needs the college credit, for one, and going "green to gold" is a strenuous process that demands the support and participation of your higher ups. You're also assuming everyone WANTS to be an officer. Yeah, because we all joined the military to push paper. Some of us like to actually work for a living. This sort of shit is part of military life. He could become a warrant officer to lessen it, or work up the ranks in enlisted, but stupid crap will always be around, especially because there's always an officer out there who thinks everyone wants to be him, and if they're not trying to be him, they're not trying hard enough.
jcingram 2
By the time he becomes on officer wouldn't he have already gotten his helicopter ride?
medotcom 0
Thanks to everyone who is/was in the army, marines, ect.
StrayXL 0
You throw it at, the one who told you to massage the sandbag in the face, then throw another one 2 massages for the price of 1.
2141_MECH 0
Pointless F-ing Chevron
a_nutritionist 10
ugh @ all the military know it alls. youre arguing about your OWN situation, first the australian idiot who assumes everyone is like him, then everyone who follows assuming australia is the same as their country. none of you know what youre talking about.
Sydknee 8
semper fi! ooo-rah!
csmouton 3
and what did your husband do to deserve that
RedCamaro 2
Also, Unconstitutional Slavery Made Constitutional. Working party up!
Really_SIGH 7
@47 its my understanding that if an nco demonstrates exceptional leadership skills, they can go to ocs (marines). And considering there is a large Marine base in japan so he is probably a U.S. Marine (read his profile name)
ajh557 22
Or he could be on the island in San Diego ( Coronado I think ) training and they could be viewing the island... That makes more sense than Japan
Doomire 0
stop complaining! at least you have an hounerable job
Doomire 0
honourable
PYLrulz 17
guarding parking spaces is honorable?!?
DoggieLover 0
Work is work, no-matter what, nonetheless.
FlipInBrosky 4
yeah you wouldn't understand unless you're in the military..E-3's and below pretty much get screwed over
ProhibitionRose 14
Dude...unless you're Canadian or from the UK its honorable* and being a soldier/Marine is honorable, because OP probably didn't enlist to be a parking spot guardian. Recruiters make even the worst jobs seem awesome...
mightymart 5
gj taking the time to correct yourself and still getting the wording wrong.. fail
ohmygaaawsh29 0
it's honourable in Canada and great Britain. you Americans need to stop thinking your spelling is right. you lazy asses can't even put an extra u for simple words like colour and favourite.
SeeYouNTee 0
I agree with 103, the letter 'u' was invented to be used, so why dont you use it
zukinihudini 0
CANADA!!!!!
ipwnlosers 4
"Because we're lazy Americans". And don't blame all of us. We didn't all, one by one contribute to writing the language. Some of us might actually write color and favorite with a "U". You never knowwww.
kevinfenchak 0
F*ck you 103, you can suck my fat American dick you pretentious a*shole.
cgchamp89 7
No one "invented" the letter U. That's like saying someone invented homework...
cgchamp89 7
Besides, us AMERICANS work smarter, not harder... thus the reason we do not put a pointless effing U in words like color or favorite.
NAU_future 7
How about we all just take a small to very large dose of shut the hell up. It's a small difference in the way you spell a word.
Cmliedtke 0
how did this go from an honourable (Im Canadian, sue me) job, to the letter u, then back to Americans being "smarter" than everyone else..?
kevinfenchak 0
103, just... Just go. You disgust me.
kevinfenchak 0
Also, 119, 120... why are we actually defending ourselves from these morons? It's our language and we'll spell it however the hell we want to.
D11Churchkill 8
LOL a bunch of Canadians get mad because a guy spelled honorable wrong. IN AMERICA WE SPELL IN AMERICAN (DIALECT) sue me.
medotcom 0
why did so many people vote #2 down? being in the army is very honorable. don't get mad at me for how I spell honorable either.
robotiick 12
103 and 106- **** off u annoying ass ***** we owned ur asses in both wars of declaration of independence and 1812u annoying little douche bag go brush ur teeth
victo890 11
I agree 103 !!!!
a_nutritionist 10
@120 we know how you spell it, so why shouldnt you know how we do? your ignorance is not a reason to criticise other people. the annoying thing here is that not only is the correct spelling voted down and criticised, but when its pointed out that it is correct in a dialect that isnt yours you proceed to make a big deal out of it.
SchiTzenGiglez 0
you poor guy. but umm you're a marine dawg, suck it up maggot!!
SchiTzenGiglez 0
This is off topic but did anybody catch the latest FML about the cop pulling that guy over? it was fake so I said something, now it's gone, those moderators are fast little bastards aren't they?
SchiTzenGiglez 0
I want this whole trio of comments gone now, they suck and need to be takin off. so whoever is moderating please do so, I feel like an ass and I should. just to be sure.... **** you cum guzzling kkkunts. PS. please don't ban me again
SchiTzenGiglez 0
these guys are takin longer than I thought, probably deciding whether or not to ban me for life. I can make some anti-Semitic remarks to make sure I do. hmm I actually wonder if this site is run by Jews. oh well **** it, i havent takin my meds for a few weeks, sorry everybody! ban me motherfuckers!!!!!! haha
13yearoldboy 0
I'm with ya! ****** assholes deletion mah comments!
Awahso 25
Why?
enonymous 9
Where would he park his Prius if that space was taken?
KaanTech 0
becouse he is a loser dont dare to vote negative you cant blame me for saying the truth op gotta admit he is a loser so he can start with thinking of ways of being winner
ipwnlosers 4
LOL, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR SENTENCE STRUCTURE!?
KaanTech 0
#5 asked why i answered: becouse op is a loser get it ???
cc_the_beast 6
You sound like the dudes from family guy who have been in the country almost long enough to lose their accents...
Eggers 2
I'm going to write a book titled "the ugly little marine". the poor ugly little marine always got excluded from the fun, and all the other marines made fun of him
gearsmaster 0
looks like your 4th string in this sport.. haha
UsernameUnknown 7
260-You are a fucken idiot.
ducttapewallet 7
That helicopter could've been blown up by an RPG.
mfmylifesrsly 30
I love military men :)
marinus_fml 20
How about seamen?
rofflewaffle 9
Me too. My boyfriend just got out in August after ten years. I am so proud of what he has accomplished and the man the Marine Corps shaped him to become. :)
ginger0321 4
you have good taste ma'am ;)
d10cat 0
u should have been a engineer not a seamen
KinqLeo610 0
im joining the marines :)
mfmylifesrsly 30
68 - i know exactly how you feel, my ex (we're taking a break) is a ranger and went on black ops secret missions all the time. he's such a great man.
Commander223 9
U sure he just wasnt playing alot of Xbox?
Cris_dell 0
so do I!
GreatGeak 8
your mom did too, up until one of her toys "misfired". God rest her soul.
chloe2114 4
marinus- lol XD, xoxo
james3458 3
you're pretty awesome to even attempt a relationship with a career military guy, let alone a ranger or anyone else in the SF community. it's a high stress job, and that high stress often trickles down unintentionally to family and close friends. mad props and I hope you guys work it out.
d10cat 0
I call bull shit
Lalalaura03 1
You'd regret loving a millitary man if somehow he dies and you don't get to see your 'man' anymore.
kevinfenchak 0
You do realize, of course, that "Black Ops" are technically nonexistent? There's a difference between that and a "classified" op.
Tcaret300 12
WTF are you saying about whoevers mom?
marud 7
166 - I'm a military man, why don't you love me?
brittni90 0
I hate tag chasers.
ShrukiantheMad 0
Too bad most women cheat on their husbands while they are in the millitary.
valience123 0
redheads have no souls
TheSailorMan 0
@mfmylifesrsly- that man must be very lucky to have you, if you know he's a great guy and are still willing to take a break. I'm a four-year sailor, and I know it's VERY hard to do a long term relationship while active, much less deployed. I've been on both sides of cheating/cheated while overseas, and can't say I'm proud of any of it, but I've grown a lot wiser. even something as simple as not having requirements, but still having someone to come home to, makes all the difference on deployment.
LC3290 16
Total tag chaser. You don't "love" men in uniform, you "love" what the uniform consists of, benefits, money, etc.
madslurpee 8
lookout fellow servicemen... this woman wants benefits.
MagicMushrooms 0
RAMIERZ!!! GUARD MY PARKING SPOT!
SchiTzenGiglez 0
"CCCCCCKKKKKK"
EvilDoll 7
Ramirez! Flap your arms and follow those helicopters!
Every1luvsfmls 6
win
Tahu424 0
Mushrooms, that made me laugh so hard.
Deadshot108 0
Did Sarge just tell us to guard the parking spot?! Yup, pretty much.
siickman 7
ramirez take down that nuke with your akimbo throwing knifes !!!
dennisisgood100 7
Hahahah mw2! XD
Michigan_Girl 0
Wow...what a waste of time...he should have gave you something more productive to do.
jvillan87 5
Unfortunately as a junior enlisted member of the armed forces that is considered "productive".
jvillan87 5
Unfortunately as a junior enlisted member of the armed forces that is considered "productive".
premiermois 5
The answer to that all depends on who you ask. (;
TheSailorMan 0
^true. Nearly 4 years' experience as E3 or below to back it up.
JJUSMC 0
They make us do things like that I guess to show respect and learn how to better follow orders.
albertaboy 7
how does he deserve this? even though I'm Canadian, he is out there serving your country! if I was him I'd be pissed right the **** off too!
Awahso 25
What does being Canadian have to do with anything ?
EvilDoll 7
even though I just ate watermelon and accidentally swallowed a seed, I cannot figure out why he added that
SchiTzenGiglez 0
being Canadian has everything to do with it
13yearoldboy 0
sorry buddy but I'm sayin this for the group. Canadians... are.... fails!
360XBOXFTW 0
read his description. it explains everything.
teresa96706 29
I think he added it cuz Canada dosnt go to wars, and he shouldn't have to have any positive emotions to the U.S. military.
teresa96706 29
oh shit I mean Japan sorry (^^) uhm but still you guys get my point!!
emodude44 0
50, Canada DOES go to wars. We took Juno beach in WWII and our forces took Italy. During WWI, we were the only ones who didn't run from German mustard gas. We made gas masks out of piss and cloth and continued to fight. During the current war, we've stationed troops in Afganistan and we're only pulling out cuz that war is just another Vietnam.
DASmetal 0
Canada is a by-product of France, which finishes nothing and does nothing but insult American intelligence and work ethic. Show me what Canada has done to further North American life. During 9/11, what did Canada do? They donated little paw covers for cadaver and search dogs. Great deal of help you guys were at one of Americas lowest and most tragic moments in history. Long live the land of the free and the home of the brave! In the words of Peter Griffin, 'Canada sucks'.
willb2107 0
people say 9/11 was one of the worlds worst moments. using stats 3,500 people died an in Japan over 10000 died. America has killed over 100000 in the middle east. hundreds of thousands of people died in Pakistan Floods. but everyone forgot about them. put things in perspective.
awardZu 0
110 stfu. 9/11 was one of the world's worst moments because every last person who died in the towers was murdered. You can talk all day about natural disasters and industrial accidents, but those aren't intentional. **** you and **** off.
kevinfenchak 0
75, as one of the surprisingly few Americans that seems to know that crap too, the thing is that since Canada has such a small population by comparison they never made any large-scale independent actions during any of those wars.. They're always part of British commonwealth forces, which is why they're overlooked so consistently.
sirhunglong 0
you are obviously a cockhead then suck shit
samicna 4
someone had to do it! thanks for your service! God bless the military
halogod69 0
^ ******* bandwagon choose your sides...