Today, I had to point out the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" sign at my work to an extremely old, seemingly intoxicated man wearing an ill fitting speedo. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at my hotel job, I had to help a drunk naked guy back into his room. Earlier today, a fat old guy wearing only briefs came down to the lobby drunk as hell. I used to like my job. FML
Today, I was at my local McDonald's having a leak when an extremely intoxicated man stumbled in, pulled down his pants, and started to pee on my shoes. FML
Today, I was mistaken for a male prostitute because I was walking home while wearing my speedo after a swim in the public pool. I was arrested and had to stay in a room full of convicts for 4 hours. Still in a speedo. FML
Today, while at work as a lifeguard, an older gentleman who comes in almost every morning wearing a very tight swimming suit, came up to me and said, "I don't want you having any erotic fantasies of me." After a long pause he added, "Actually, I wouldn't mind it if you do." FML
Today, working as a life guard, I walked through the changing room to go back to the pool. On the way, a naked old man started up a conversation with me. We talked for 10 minutes about pool chemicals, while his penis wobbled around with every small movement. This happens all the time. FML
Today, at work, I put on a smile and went to take an elderly gentleman's order. He looked at me, asked if I'd stick a finger in his sweet tea to make it sweeter, then complained that it was a shame I wasn't "on the menu". FML
Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML
Today, I went skinny dipping with my friends. A security man drove up the dock we were on with his bike. After informing us that the dock was closed, and noticing all of our swimsuits on the dock, he refused to move his flashlight beam from us in the water. FML
Today, I caught my elderly neighbour skinny-dipping in my pool. FML
Today, I went skinny-dipping with my best friend. We were on the beach and it was fairly crowded but we got in the water at this really secluded area. While we were swimming I looked up to see a homeless man wearing my clothes, walking away. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
I see you don't have a "No pants, no service" policy. Fascinating.
alwa7sh 2
it's probably stevo filming jackass 4
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Comments (49)
sweet_candy_ 17
Woah where do you work at?
I_R_Genius 3
Oh god, I hope it wasn't Borat..
PuppiesFTW 5
You're so into the details :P
RockNRollAndrew 18
Probobly WalMart
CRrawsum 7
that sounds incredibly sexy :]
DocBastard 40
I see you don't have a "No pants, no service" policy. Fascinating.
UpsidedownKayak 9
What an observation, Doc!
theian01 3
I always thought that. If you have no pants, you're free to go, right?
princessbits 17
It's probably because if a woman was wearing a dress she wouldn't be wearing pants.
Uscdrew1 7
26, you're wrong. They exclude the "No Pants" portion because of certain marine animals.
gabbygrace24 0
lmfao i was gunna say the same thing
mmmPoptarts 6
Amazingly sexy
lizabethp 11
haha.. good ol Kansas!
WishResign 0
you know you wanted some of that dried, shriveled hot dog
alwa7sh 2
it's probably stevo filming jackass 4
giantsfan2010 23
Why are old people so creepy lately?
georggx 3
awww bless him!!
indigo1 0
dementia! dementia! dementia!!