Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that The Interview wasn't a documentary and that Kim Jong-un wasn't actually assassinated by a pair of goofy reporters. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to slowly explain to my daughter why her Facebook profile isn't a valid piece of ID. FML
Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 18-year-old daughter why she can't pull a duck face pose for her driver's license. She still doesn't believe me. FML
Today, I had to explain to my seventeen year-old daughter that deep frying food doesn't "melt the calories." FML
Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML
Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML
Today, I had to explain to my housemate that the cast of "The Crown" is not the real Royal Family impersonating themselves. FML
Today, I told my daughter her mom was busy fighting aliens, so I wouldn’t have to tell her that her mom is just a shitty, self-absorbed bitch, who doesn’t deserve kids. FML
Today, my daughter is so out of touch with anything not related to her phone and her social popularity that she doesn't know who Hitler was. I had to show her on YouTube, and while we aren't religious anymore, we are a Jewish family so this is an extra level of parental shame for me. FML
Today, I was watching a crime drama with my parents. During a tense moment, I casually said, "Oh, I know how to hide a body." They both stared at me in horror, and I had to explain that I meant from watching too many true crime videos on YouTube, not from actual experience. FML
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Top comments
whatsittoyabitch 15
Buy her a book. Any book.
Pleonasm 36
You mean I haven't been watching snuff films at the movie theater all my life? Well there goes my lack of moral fiber. Thanks OP, you asshole.
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Comments (69)
SarcasticShade 16
Screw you Dave.
GunSlinger69 19
Nice daughter you got there, but seriously, the fact that kim jong un was offended by such a shitty movie is beyond me.
horendale 11
sorry to tell you pall but your daughter is dumb as shit... wait I would be insulting shit by saying that
sstahpp 33
WHAT?!?!?!?!?!
shadysheikj 14
They hate us cuz they anus
Johnnycake23 42
Time to interview a new daughter OP
The_Avatar 22
No offense but your daughter is an idiot. Get her ass a tutor... Or three...
Lalala579121 28
I think it's her brain that's the problem, not her ass.
BlindlyWandering 17
For her sake I hope she has a nice ass. If she can't be smart, at least she can be pretty.
DrHothead 15
God damn SPOILER ALERT***
StickyPickles 33
Kelly Bundy in real life?
sadistmonkey 19
WHAT? Seriously? Next you're gonna tell me that Eminem is NOT gay!