Today, I had to explain to my rabidly religious brother how two transvestites can buy fish at Petco while he's buying the same fish at the same Petco, and it doesn't equate to hitting on him. It's been two hours, and he's still sitting outside my door reading Bible verses and praying aggressively. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Darth Bore
Today, I took my Catholic girlfriend home to meet my family for the first time. My brother thought it would be civil to spend over an hour insulting her religion and explaining in detail the many ways in which "the Force" is superior. FML
Bashing
Today, my boyfriend's brother and his fiancée decided to preach to me about how I need to read the Bible because I'm agnostic. I'd be fine, if it wasn't coming from two 19-year-olds who dated for 5 months, got pregnant, got engaged, lost the baby, and still wanna get married, "so they don't look bad." FML
Today, I finally decided to tell my parents I was a lesbian. They spent the next few hours reading me the bible. FML
Today, I had to call a few different women and explain to them that my little brother had catfished them. I had to do it because he is mute and my parents were too busy screaming at him. FML
Today, I told my younger brother that I'm a lesbian. Now he keeps asking me if I want to play rock, paper, vagina. FML
Debate bros
Today, I had a fancy dinner date with a really hot guy. Near the end of our meal, he asked if I wanted to go back to his place. As soon as we walked in the door, he started a religious debate with his roommate. It's been 45 minutes and it's still going. FML
Gotta get that clout
Today, my live-in boyfriend spent yet another evening trying to bait Twitch streamers into a debate about stuff he barely understands. He's obsessed with "growing his audience", and I'm getting tired of his bullshit. FML
Good God, man…
Today, my dad tried to convert me, as he has numerous times before, and asked me why I was an atheist. After giving him a polite explanation and asking him if we could drop the subject, he nodded slowly and said, "You must be menstruating or something. You'll change your mind." FML
Praise the lord
Today, I took my friend to the E.R. for an eye infection. While waiting, I proclaimed, "Why, Jesus?!" jokingly. Well, the gigantic biker sitting next to me, who had found religion in prison and is a born again Christian, was not pleased. He spent the next four hours trying to convert me. FML
Leave me alone
Today, I was working at the local grocery store and a customer of mine, who had only bought two granola bars and was holding up my line, tried to convert me to Christianity. Out of all the people to target, she chose the shy atheist who just wanted to do her minimum wage job in peace. FML
Top comments
Grauncho 27
I bet he's the guy who recites Bible verses out loud every time he wanks.
anniemeece 23
"Praying aggressively." xD
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Comments (157)
ichinikis 16
So, he thinks...what now?
mollypop35 28
'Cause I'm just a sweet transvestite... From transsexual... Transylvania!
Xandrick 22
mollypop35 needs more likes for that comment!
Grauncho 27
I bet he's the guy who recites Bible verses out loud every time he wanks.
vikky538 29
I bet if there were loud bible verses heard during night. Then OP knows what his brother did.
slingerslasher 24
Wait #2 you're NOT supposed to do that?! Damn...
friedpwnadge 25
10/10 blast from the past
BrokenDreamer24 15
//claps
atombombbaby 12
I8oi>ou is it jjbbjj
iPixiee 23
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Religios people need to wake up...
jtfrisch 22
AHHHH athiest! Burn him!
iPixiee 23
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Yes please, I don't want to live with a bunch of asswipes who think there is a god who is superior but still took 3 days to create earth... .-.
jtfrisch 22
^We must stone him, immediately
Dreamsorrow93 24
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
So if God made Adam that would make him his son. God created Eve from Adams rib. So that would make Eve God and Adams daughter. So eve and Adam populate the world. Results: God and Adam had a gay incest relationship to create eve and then eve keeps the incest going by banging her dad Adam. Enjoy your bible folks, this is all logic based on what I read.
CBOokami 13
Don't forget Sodom and Gomorrah!
iPixiee 23
#15 her* thanks
LonelyBoy5920 15
*Grabs popcorn*
treyford 12
Looks like only God can treat your stupidity
LoveNnyl 23
I agree with #3, religious people may down vote this comment all they want.
thatoneguy1111 15
Why are you trying to knock someone's faiths and beliefs? Not all Christians are the same some of us are full of love and acceptance. Don't tear us all down because of some people
sweetnsourrr 11
I have no problems with religion or atheism, I have a problem with ignorance and hatred. You guys are just as disrespectful as any religious person out there, you're no better than them because you all do the same when it comes to what you believe and dont believe in. Just because one person was a jerk doesn't mean you have to be a jerk to those who were innocent... Just because you don't understand why they believe in something you don't, doesn't make them any less intelligent, logical etc. Believing in a God or any religion is a personal thing...remember that before you talk shit about something you can't or never experienced yourself. Like I said, I don't care what you believe in...just don't be a **** about it.. Sorry for the rant...things like this just irks me.
184886837272837 32
pretty much what #58 said. I'm an atheist but I don't go around pissing on other people's religions. Most of the Christians, Muslims, Jews and people of various other religions I talk to respect my beliefs, so I in turn respect theirs. No need for you guys to act so immature and disrespectful. You're coming off as fedora-wearing pseudo-intellectuals.
Stiggy626 25
so theres a problem with people who wear fedoras? what a jerk
RammerJammer62 8
*it
thawny_fml 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Religion is for weak minded people who refuse to see life for what it is.
brand125 17
87 - just shut the **** up already
Adeptus_Astartes 22
@87 No, you are the only weak minded one here. People who don't respect others' beliefs are just miserable, arrogant tools who don't deserve to be happy.
fiveforfighting 26
Very Offensive
184886837272837 32
And 87 apparently likes fedoras and My Little Pony
Belzyk 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Sadly it's not some christians it's MOST. religion in this day and age is horrid and causes more trouble then it solves.
pitapizzaparty 18
It was 6 days. Get ur facts straight before u just insult someones religious beliefs
JokerJ312 23
You're right it is most Christians in this day and age but it is not all Christians. I can't stand being associated with the self righteous, believe what I believe or you're going to hell, shove Christianity down your throat Christians because that's not what Christianity says we should do. It gives all Christians a bad name and is turning more people away from Christianity rather then bringing them to it.
salamancer 11
Gay incest between God and Adam? Lol. Adam was made in the image of God, and woman was made in the image of God.
chosha_fml 27
#93 We have to respect others' right to believe. The beliefs themselves are open to analysis and criticism. In the case if OP's brother, what he believes about transvestites is obviously questionable.
chosha_fml 27
#112 Actually our common male ancestor and our common female ancestor were born about 200,000 years apart, according to DNA studies. I agree the creation story involves no gay incest (though obviously it would have to involve incest with Adam and Eve's children's generation), but in the end it's still just a story.
KittehFreak 25
Actually, no, 105 and 100, it isn't MOST Christians today—it's just the Christians in the media and who are paid attention to.
Meepson 9
You keep using this word, "facts." I don't think it means what you think it means.
JKPwnage 27
Yeah, the bible has some ******-up shit. 1. Incest in Genesis 2. Basically everything in Leviticus 3. Yahweh killing people with plagues and shit And that's not even everything
JokerJ312 23
It isn't only people in the media who are paid to be that way though. I've actually met quite a few people who think the same way and if you don't believe what they do then they try to force you to believe. It's also really sad to think that Christians would give all Christians a terrible name just for a few bucks.
bryce0110 23
14 it was 6 days. It was 3 days until Jesus came back.
psychopolarbear 28
#3 and the others, I'd just like to commend you for your courage in showing your view on my religion and how you think it is trash. Also, I'd like to congratulate you, #3, for being one of the many people who take the time to start an argument, with no provocation, about my religion. The Bible tells me not to judge others until I feel that I myself am no longer a sinner. I am no saint, nor do I speak for the others under the large umbrella that is Christianity. I will, however, ask you not to sit there and whine like a toddler about how others put you down while you're doing the same thing to me. We are, supposedly, a "highly evolved race" that is "very intelligent" but you still can't seem to go on without picking a fight just for the sake of forcing your opinions on someone else. If you don't like people being intolerant to you, maybe you could try not speaking in a derogatory manner to them in the first place. Hostility is met with hostility until eventually that is all there is left. I, frankly, don't care what you think until you start insulting me for no reason other than your blatant and outspoken ignorance.
ArturoRamirez 16
#115 I like your profile picture.
DDL08 2
Maybe you should reread it then
iPixiee 23
So if you all say religion is real, how did noah fit the millions and millions of species of animals on this planet into his ark? You don't have to be a rocket scientist to realise that that is impossible. Also why do innocent childeren have to suffer from terminal diseases such as cancer? What part of god's plan is this exactly? This is a result of natural selection and part of the human condition. "god is not killing these kids they're dying because of natrual prosseses. And if jesus died on the cross and spend 6 days in hell to pay for the sins of the world. Then why do we have to go to hell ourselves and pay for them again? God is then, in essence being paid for our sins twice. With that said was Jesus' sacrifice not worthy enough? I'd like some answers to my "questions" or "attack message" as some of you see it.
psychopolarbear 28
Quite frankly, it is true that some passages in the bible are improbable. That doesn't give a 14 year old girl the right to drag people's beliefs through the mud. My baby sister has brain cancer. She's blind and she cannot walk well by herself. She is a blessing to me. You question what you cannot prove, there's no problem with that. She has no proof that the sky exists, or the clouds that she cannot find shapes in. That doesn't mean they don't exist. And if you want improbability, please do tell me how the universe was, as the scientists say, sparked into existence from nothingness. Science says something cannot be made from nothing. Where did the energy come from? Where did the dark matter come from?
murythawn 13
#135 It is called oscillating universe theory, you can look it up, its lengthy and requires some background knowledge on thermodynamics. That is combined with Robert Woodward's total organic synthesis tests in the 50s. Also, the reason your sister has no evidence of the sky is because she has a measurable defect (very sorry for her and the best of luck to her and your family).
captaincarlz 17
My God people, if you're going to argue about theology PLEASE at least know what the **** you're talking about. God created earth in 6 days. Jesus spend 3 days in Hell. It's not very hard.
thawny_fml 21
All these weak minded fools. You think god exists? He's all powerful, creator of all? So what's the deal with the parasite that's sole purpose is to bury into the eyes of children to blind them? If god existed he would be a tyrant, not someone to worship. Think for yourself for once and stop blindly following the herd.
protoskore 27
technically Adam's female clone, not his daughter
psychopolarbear 28
The fact, #136, is that you are trying to disregard my collected theories with ones you also gathered. Neither can, technically, be proven (as stated when "Theory" is in the title of your counterproposal). Also, having a "defect" is irrelevant in the argument of proving the existence of something. You can prove it or you can't. I do, however, appreciate the civility you took in presenting your side. Please realize that my original argument was not of the legitimacy of either view and I respect both sides of the debate, as we all know that nothing said here will change anyone's mind. My conflict arises when people on either side begin unnecessarily trying to tear the other to pieces for no reason other than thinking that their ideas are superior. It's when people begin behaving like racists that I bother getting involved. I don't agree with the "aggressively praying" man in the post and no one is perfect, but we can at least try to be civil to one another like the superior species that we are believed to be in both sides of the argument.
davidpropert 32
135, based on your logic god doesnt exist either. You say it's science that something can't all of a sudden come from nothing. If that's true, then where did god come from? The church teaching is that god just always was in existence, which to me, is an obvious logical fallacy. Also, genesis is mostly a figurative book so, adam, eve, and their incest never really existed. Lol
cowboyroy45 10
Why are we all arguing? Nobody's mind is going to change. There is no point in fighting about it. Stupidity and ignorance knows no race, color, religion, or gender. Everyone can be ignorant. It's whether or not we choose to be that counts. It doesn't matter what religion someone is because that's their right to believe it. I, personally, am a Christian. A Baptist specifically. The Bible says to treat everyone with respect. Therefore, I respect all of you, atheists, Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, Hinduists (not sure what the proper term for Hindu people is), even Satanists. I respect all of you. I just ask that you repay the favor. Not just with me, but everyone. There's no need to make an ass of yourself because someone doesn't have the same views you do. Bashing their religion isn't going to do anything but piss them off. Is that so hard to understand? We all need to grow up and learn how to live with each other, not against each other. Thank you. I will now step off my soap box and continue reading FMLs. Have a good day all.
psychopolarbear 28
Actually, #145, I never said that I personally believed those things and whether or not I do is of no consequence. I simply ask for an alternate explanation that explained those occurrences. Again, if you have an you believe argument that encompasses them then I would gladly listen. Also, I do not aspire to learn the origins of God. I never have and I don't need to. I'm content in my belief that He is there and that is all that matters to me. Feel free to believe differently, but please do not falsely accredit words or ideas to me that did not originate from me.
psychopolarbear 28
*another belief My bad for the spelling.
iPixiee 23
I like how all the people think you believe in science if you don't believe in any god... I personaly believe that things are the way they are and happend because it happend. I don't care about religion, but the thing that makes me pissed is those popes and priest and all those people who live with a bunch of money and in big houses. I'm sorry I was a bit rude erlier but that was mainly because I have a bad background with the curch...
jtfrisch 22
Has anyone thought that maybe...just maybe, we aren't capable of understanding?That perhaps searching for our existence and purpose would be the counter opposite of finding existence and purpose? Think about it, we were created. That is evident, whether it is a god that made us in the image of himself or the unknown mysteries beyond our universe, we just might never know. Now no matter what religion you follow, there is a reason science is growing and causing conflict. Look at the bigger picture, religion solved the answers for people back in its prime in many different cultures and also progressed society. We have now, in a way, found and advanced religion. It is science, the religion where you keep believing that we may find the answers one day, but even if we don't, society will still progress. I can better explain everything I just said, but I'd rather not write an essay.
iPixiee 23
We may find alien life in 10 /20 years said nasa monday. ^-^
anniemeece 23
"Praying aggressively." xD
teentee401 37
***praying intensifies***
iAlissa 34
*intensity intensifies*
sturschaedel 27
I also love the term "rabidly religious"
SammieIsabella 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I find it funny how people can sit and quote God as soon as they see something out of the ordinary and yet if they do something against the bible they are quick to dismiss.
noberg 14
I think it's funny how when a few people do something wrong, anyone who may have similar beliefs is categorized with them.
TrippingOnAcid 29
She didn't make a generalisation. She didn't say "all people" She didn't say "most people" She said "people"
noberg 14
I didn't say anything about anyone, just what I thought was funny.
zBLAKEz 23
That's weird. I normally find stand up and comedy movies to be funny, but I suppose crass generalizations do have their way about them.
SammieIsabella 15
I agree.
sweetnsourrr 11
I find that ironic too...its really annoying. lol
swanheart 35
Your brother sounds just a little bit silly.
psychopolarbear 28
He sounds paranoid. I feel as though the over compensation is strong with him >.>
noberg 14
Hopefully he will find some comfort. :P
jtfrisch 22
So that makes him a gay fish
oobergoober89 16
No, he's not. If anything that makes him a "motherfucking lyrical wordsmith and a motherfucking genius!"
JICor 7
This... you... did you just...
nataliewby 25
Only if he likes fish sticks
skippydoda 32
So, when I bought a coke and the guy in front of me bought gum, he wasn't asking me to marry him?
teentee401 37
Oh no, he definitely was. Can we see the ring?
Mynamewontfi 40
Imo, that sounds really creepy, the way you worded it about him reading and praying and the way he thinks that people who live a life he doesn't agree with, are out to get him.