Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, my nephew asked me to help build his science fair volcano. I got too invested in making it realistic and used way too much baking soda and vinegar. The eruption shot across the kitchen, hit the ceiling, and dripped red food coloring down the walls while my sister stared at me in annoyed shock. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
midget_chinese 0
he's not too far off the truth :P
DirtyDiana_fml 0
woah only 1 comment? but idiot is harsh.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (341)
hatcher 0
Oh poor baby you had to dial a phone to potentially save your son. He sounds like any other three to nine year old boy on the planet. Get over yourself.
blackmage607 0
YDI For one calling your son the idiot when you are the idiot here for not watching your son very well. That's a F his life, not yours.
themachinist 0
They're not idiots until teen-age years. And they are naturally curious. Definitely not an idiot. The OP is an idiot for whining about it.
sjrettie 0
Parenting fail. This should be on Failblog not FML.
TNEBlover 0
woah ydi for calling your son an idiot
AntiChrist7 0
The joy of having kids
duchesse427 0
ur the ******* idiot, maybe you should watch ur kid sometime. you deserve it for being the bad parent
C_Wicked27 0
I dunno, if you're kid is an idiot and he shares your genes, which chances are pretty good that he does, then what the hell does that make you? But then again, if you're leaving baking soda in a place that is easily accessible to children, then you are a ******* moron your damn self.
sadistmonkey 19
I'm sure my mom didn't leave baking soda in an inaccessible place when I was growing up. Why? Because I'm not that much of an idiot. I'm also pretty sure that she didn't deliberately put her knives in a high inaccessible place because she knew I wouldn't do anything with them. As a parent, you can't account for every single situation out there and there are some things that you simply don't expect a child to do and I'd say wanting to make a volcano in his stomach is one of those things. Those calling the OP a bad parent probably wouldn't have done much differently themselves but are jumping on the OP because something actually went wrong.
sexy_mamasita 0
YDI for not raising him correctly. Obviously you are not a very good mother.
suckstomyasthmar 0
Wow u don't hve to call him an idiot. He obvy didn't know better so chill out and YDI cause y was it within his reach without u watching him?