Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, my nephew asked me to help build his science fair volcano. I got too invested in making it realistic and used way too much baking soda and vinegar. The eruption shot across the kitchen, hit the ceiling, and dripped red food coloring down the walls while my sister stared at me in annoyed shock. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
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Top comments
midget_chinese 0
he's not too far off the truth :P
DirtyDiana_fml 0
woah only 1 comment? but idiot is harsh.
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Comments (341)
knightknight 0
parent of the year canidate if you ask me. wow your awesome. I wish my parents called me an idiot everytime I make a mistake.
ogden 0
Baking soda is not only not poisonous, it's a very old school sports-enhancement supplement which neutralizes lactic acid giving about a performance/endurance boost. There are a handful of studies which indicate it can halt end-stage kidney disease in diabetics... Point being, its actually pretty good for you.
chocogatto12 3
idiot. Go swallow a bunch of it and see how well it improves your performance. It's called an urban myth. Look it up.
boatkicker 5
Just because it doesnt actually enhance your performance doesnt mean it wasn't once used for that purpose.
chocogatto12 3
I'm not saying it wasn't used for that purpose. I'm saying that a kid probably between 3-10 years old ingesting a bunch of it isn;t healthy. It's not good for you. Just because it was used for "performance enhancement" doesn't mean that its good. Try giving a three year old a ton of steroids. Cuz we all know how good it is to go ******* with your body.
boatkicker 5
What's with all of you trying to say OP is a bad mother for leaving her child unattended long enough to do that. From this short little FML i can see a number of things OP did wrong. Leaving her child is not one of them. It wouldnt take very long for a child to do this. Perhaps OP was using the bathroom. "YDI for not taking your child with you when you pee?" hmm. I think not. Or also maybe the kid was pretending to use the bathroom? My dad used to keep baking soda in teh bathroom. "YDI for not watching you kid use the toilet?" also quite stupid. Besides that, if your child is over the age of 3 (which I'm assuming that if you child knows about bakingsode volcano's that about the age that they learn that) you child ought to be independant enough to be left alone for a FEW MINUTES for other reasons. If you go to check the mail, or cook something, or whatever else. If you child is over 5, and in what you determine is a safe envioronment (this might be the first fail? clearly 'safe' wasnt so safe.) you can leave them alone even longer. When I was as young as three my mom would tell me to 'stay in the playroom' while she took a nap, which could last up to two hours. That's a bit extreme. I dont think i'd leave my 3 year old on thier own for that long, but I never got into any major trouble. I am not in any way defending OP's actions in total. OP, should NOT have called her child an idiot, AND either failed in determining what a safe environment for her child was, or failed to teach thier child that baking soda was not for eating. Or both.
Ub3r_Crippl3 0
Since when did 10 years old become the cut-off age for idiocy. No one here has done something idiotic since they were nine? Because this is FML, we've seen the stupid stuff people do.
dpjbbm 1
maybe your son wanted attention from the mother who calls him an idiot.
edibles 0
Um... baking soda isn't toxic... it'll give him a tummy ache but he won't die from it.
kansasmom 0
I would say YDI for calling your son an idiot what kinda mother does that
justanFML 0
I say you're an ass for calling your kid an idiot, especially if he's under the age of 5.
RequiemCube 0
Fortunately he didn't also get a hold of a bottle of acid, but all your base are belong to him.
a_cad_1 0
Might not want to keep him away from superhero comic books. He might want to try a re enactment.