Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, my nephew asked me to help build his science fair volcano. I got too invested in making it realistic and used way too much baking soda and vinegar. The eruption shot across the kitchen, hit the ceiling, and dripped red food coloring down the walls while my sister stared at me in annoyed shock. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
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Top comments
midget_chinese 0
he's not too far off the truth :P
DirtyDiana_fml 0
woah only 1 comment? but idiot is harsh.
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Comments (341)
hai_im_bruno 0
Lol us victorians are crazy aye ;)
cindybuzz 5
YDI for blaming your kid for being an "idiot". How about you look after your kids properly?
doicha27 0
YDI for being a troll
broken_princess 0
"Today, my Mommy wasn't watching me when she should have been. I tried to make a volcano in my tummy to see what would happen. Then my Mommy had to call Poison Control, and she posted on the internet that I'm an idiot. FML" You fail as a parent. Don't call your child an idiot. Espically when it's your fault for not watching him, and putting dangerous substances where he could easily reach them. It's a fact of life, kids experiment with stuff. If you don't expect this, you are, without a doubt, the idiot. This is not an FML, it's an FHL for having a mother who's a complete bitch and doesn't care for him properly.
visage 0
YDI for having it in his reach.. and for not teaching him better.
owtom78 0
It wasn't your fault, and that does suck, but you shouldn't call your son an idiot.
futurecatlady 2
All these people bitching at the mother for calling her son an idiot - I envy you and the perfect parents you must have grown up with. Are you living in the dark? "Idiot" is nothing, my mother has called me every vulgar word known to man and then some. And I was a good child. Thank god I had my dad to go to.
timtam24 0
my mum/ dad is a bitch/ dick-head to me to but that doesn't make the OP calling her son an idiot ok
gigi2009 0
exactly!
ryanr21 0
man, youre a dumbass for calling your decendent an "idiot" you should be ashamed your son didnt know any better. YDI for not teaching your soon properly
meowmeowfish 0
Baking soda on it's own is relatively harmless. Many people who suffer from Pica eat it on a regular basis due to a vitamin deficency. Did he drink soda with it or vinegar because he's only in danger then.
TheOtherNewest1 6
"Today I had to save my son from a potentially lethal situation. FML." Grow up. Welcome to the life of a parent. And unless your kid is 18, this doesn't make him stupid. It makes him a little kid. F your kid's life for having such a whiny parent.