Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML
Today, we had to turn the water off due to a massive leak in the kitchen sink that the plumber was currently fixing. I managed to wait two hours before my uncooperative digestive tract said it couldn't wait any longer and I had to take a mega dump in the bathroom. I couldn't flush the toilet or wash my hands. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I had no choice but to unclog a toilet with my bare hands. FML
Today, my sink seemed to be filling up with dirty water. Concerned, I turned on the garbage disposal and plunged away. With no change in the water levels, I called a plumber. He reached in, pulled out the drain plug, and give me his bill while chuckling to himself. FML
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, I screwed up in my job, my husband lost his luggage in an airport, then my daughter broke the toilet flush, and my friend's kid poured porridge onto the carpet. FML
Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML
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Top comments
SundayNightSix 23
Hey, why bother to include the middleman anymore, right?
lizard365 12
umm I have a good question why in the world would you flush a hamburger down the toilet??
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Comments (122)
SundayNightSix 23
Hey, why bother to include the middleman anymore, right?
Yeshua_fml 19
I want to know how old this daughter is. It sounds like something a young child would do and if so, OP is really mean to call her an idiot.
Ian7890 23
i am guessing that since the mother called her and idiot, she is probably old enough to understand not to flush a hamburger down the toilet
cryssycakesx3 23
father*
Jayy_Dash23 9
Good eye #35 that was the father's fml lol
MrsKilown 20
Where's a dog when you need one...?
Flowtastic 16
Hopefully not drowning in the toilet trying to eat the hamburger.
badminton 14
I almost choked on my food when I read that.
lizard365 12
umm I have a good question why in the world would you flush a hamburger down the toilet??
ElementaryEdGuy 18
Exactly. I could've eaten that! Was that a fat thing to say?
lizard365 12
Haha no I would of ate it instead of wasting it to
z3r0d4z3 22
I learned it from watching you, mom!
VonBlitzkrieg 27
Try explaining that to third world kid. Somebody tried to flush their food down a self-refilling bowl of clean water upon which we dedicate.
BvbArmy_0 18
Anorexic maybe? (im an ex-anorexic, i know the signs)
91hayek 31
If it was pizza she could be trying to get some to the TMNT, but they don't eat hamburgers so I got nothing.
BvbArmy_0 18
And if she was anorexic, she couldnt use the trash because her parents would see, yup, case closed
sioux4 17
My first thought.
katydid91 31
#54- Did you mean "Defecate"?
tman1985 9
auto-correct win
VonBlitzkrieg 27
#68 haha, yeah. Ye old autocorrect hath stricken again.
gc327072 31
To hide the evidence. OP's daughter is secretly a hamburglar.
zBLAKEz 23
Maybe she was trying to feed all the dead goldfish that get flushed but come back to life in the sewer.
Kruiser 16
I guess she'd rather clog your plumbing than her arteries! Shame though, she probably missed out on a damn good burger
dawood_k 27
Well it was going to land up there anyway... One way or the other it's reached its destination
Flowtastic 16
Must be pretty talented and have a well muscled sphincter if your poo lands up!
GoBigRed 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I would not call my daughter an idiot...
Flowtastic 16
So by deductive reasoning, you aren't the OP. Phew glad we got that out of the way
captaincarlz 17
If she flushed a hamburger down the toilet, she is an idiot.
reneewessler42 4
I totally agree with you! What a jerk
ChopSuey444 20
I will never know why this got so many down votes...
classiceagle63 16
You say that now, wait until your mad at her.
sarahmfighter 11
Am I the only one worrying that maybe, if she's not a little child, the daughter has an eating disorder?
Flowtastic 16
Yes because not everything is a crisis. Maybe she just wasn't hungry, and didn't want to seem ungrateful... Kids (no matter the age) do stupid shit when trying to hide things.
skittle_QUEEN_YO 15
Usually how it works is that they throw up the food....
Mauskau 36
When I was younger my mum made me a chocolate spread and banana sandwich. I didn't like it and she would expect me to eat the whole thing, so I pulled the bread apart and stuck the sandwich to the bottom of her wardrobe door.
SunAndMoon427 12
#26 the ignorance is strong here. There are MANY types of eating disorders, only a few have throwing up/purging as a criteria. Many people with anorexia are known to do this, instead of throwing it up or in the trash can because then they didn't consume it and it's not able to be found.
91hayek 31
lol mauskau wtf? Firstly those sandwiches are delish, and secondly, just how many sandwiches did you stick there?
katie55220 14
Actually that's only bulimia, and sometimes they use laxatives. Anorexia is when you just don't eat at all.
ebonyirony 29
actually, according to the dsm, you can still eat and be anorexic. a feature of anorexia is periods of starvation and eating small amounts and purging using laxatives, etc. binging and purging is a feature for bulimia.
Gittoh 21
there are many eating disorders. And many types of anorexia, bulimia. not every person is the same and therefore don't react the same to the same illness. A person with a binge eating disorder could also have been hiding in the bathroom to binge the burger but desperatly try to flush it out instead. also, you can actually be overweight and still have anorexia.
notabeachbabe 13
O.o what kind of person wastes a perfectly good hamburger?!?!
Flowtastic 16
Plot twist: OPs quirky and has a toilet shaped trash can and the poor child was just confused...