Today, I had my anus probed twice by two different doctors. I was diagnosed with hemorrhoids. I'm a 22 year old guy and have to schedule a colonoscopy for next week. I guess there's a first time for everything. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at the age of 25, for the first time in my life, I was lying mostly naked in front of a man while he was inserting something in my body. Too bad that man was a doctor and that thing was a colonoscopy. FML
Today, after weeks of quarantine, I can finally go to the hospital to get my haemorrhoid surgery, which was confirmed. I have a big internal one. I didn't not consult with the same doctor as before, but he didn't even do a check up inside and told me, "You have nothing, go home." I can't shit. FML
Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML
Today, I was informed by my proctologist that my colonoscopy has been rescheduled for my birthday. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML
Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML
Today, I got a call from my doctor telling my I tested positive for an STI (first time in my fucking life). Mind you, I got the call while my dermatologist was cutting open my butt cheek to drain an abscess. I also got told on top of the new hole in my ass and the STI that I also have a yeast infection. Happy Monday. FML
Today, I felt a very sharp pain, like my appendix was going to burst. After going to the doctor, I was rushed to the hospital to get tests done. The doctors later told me there's nothing wrong, I was just constipated. I went to the hospital for them to basically tell me I'm full of shit. FML
Today, because of my life situation, I was told I'll have to have a colonoscopy without anesthesia. FML
Today, I figured out why my doctor repeatedly warned me to keep regular bowel movements while I recover from childbirth. I now have an anal fissure. It's like giving birth all over again. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
I see people in their 20's with hemorrhoids regularly. It isn't as uncommon as you think. When the colonoscopy gets done, make sure you bring the wine and candles. It's a very romantic occasion.
marinus_fml 20
Too bad the doctor didn't also rub the prostate. I hear it's equivalent to the females G-Spot ;)
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Comments (155)
promarkchris 6
they go up your ass during a colonoscopy as well so it won't be anything new it seems
pieintheface 0
that's analtastic!
perdix 31
In some circles, anal probings by two different doctors sounds like a dream weekend! The colonoscopy itself is no big deal -- you really don't feel anything during the procedure. It's the day before of ******** liquids that really sucks.
mcxhunni 0
hi
jdmarine83 0
Next time don't push so hard.
enonymous 9
Stop whining and get ready for some hot action... Ive been scheduling weekly colonoscopies since I was 9
ImmortalKratos 0
are you every1luvsboners? or docbastard? or both?
goddess_darkness 0
bull shit
Jamialia 5
Why do guys always freak out about this stuff? I have to have one every 2 years. It's not that bad.
MerrikBarbarian 9
same here, and like op I'm in my 20's. it's not that horrible in the grand scheme of things.
MrXerxes5 6
Go sit under a heat lamp. Like the ones at McDonalds. They help. MANswers knows all
EatUp 0
its called anal virginity :S
instantmusic 4
They're only hemorrhoids, would you rather it have been colon cancer? But if it makes you feel better, I know a couple people our age who have been Roto-Rooter'd as well.
a_nutritionist 10
its only colon cancer, would you rather be burned alive for 48 hours while drinking acid, being raped by a horse and stabbed by a million needles in every orifice of your body? oh right, because its stupid to point out that worse situations exist when someone is faced with a very real long term health problem.
kalbrek009 20
why 2 doctors? Did you need a 2nd opinion? And lastly.....3rd times the charm! sorry OP, couldn't resist the puns. you'll be asleep for the colonoscopy so you won't feel or remember any of it, though @ least you will know if you've got polyps or any kind of cancer that can be treated when found early...better than dying like 1 of my uncles did cause he wouldn't get it done. RIP my uncle Paul.
sourgirl101 29
I'm sure it's still a bad experience because I heard you can't eat for the whole day and need to drink gallons of this nasty stuff. Also checking for polyps in your 20's seems rather young. Butt if it needs to be done it needs to be done. BTW Sorry about your Uncle.
a_nutritionist 10
im in my mid 20s and had polyps removed 3 years ago. its not that its too young, its that people that age rarely have colonoscopies.
Piratbox 0
#40 - I see what you did there. Tried to get a pun in the back door.
gertyygirly 4
40 pun intended or not?
SICchic94 0
yes depends on the prep though it's not gallons either it's only a cup the night before or they put you on a liquid diet for two days:P