Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a dream in which I was having a panic attack. When I woke up, I was actually having a panic attack. Double the fun. FML
Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML
Today, I was having an intense erotic dream. It was going great until I thought, "I hope this isn't a dream." This caused me to wake up. This isn't the first time I've cockblocked myself in a dream. FML
Today, my alarm rang just as I was about to have a wet dream with my husband. This is the closest I got to having sex in weeks. FML
Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML
Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML
Today, I had my first wet dream. I woke up sweating and soaking wet. Too bad I dreamed about having intense sex with a cardboard box. FML
Today, I had my first "hot" dream in a while. In the dream, my husband and I finally got cozy and comfortable, but just as we were about to start our banging, our toddlers interrupted us. So, my kids are cockblocking me even in my dreams. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML
Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML
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Top comments
Zestus 19
is it even possible to cockblock yourself?
NothernNightmare 18
OCD or not, using a condom is always a good thing.
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Comments (95)
ManInTheMachine 20
Looks like you need a little Inception lesson. I guess your 'totem' would be a Trojan, eh?
Stealthed 8
Dammit brain, why I did I start hearing that music when I read "inception"? You know the one.. "Bommm, bommmm, bommmmmm!!"
Pleonasm 36
We have to go deeper... Contra-ception?
pradip 26
If that's your fantasy, talk to your girlfriend she might surprise you. There are other contraceptive methods.
cptmorgan6 8
If he can't dream about it without freaking out, I highly doubt he'll be able to go through with it for real.
perdix 31
Fantasy pregnancies and STD's are not as much fun as they are cracked up to be. In my fantasy sex league, I got stuck with genital warts and a pregnant she-male.
Feared 9
You call this a fantasy?
perdix 31
#24, it sucks, doesn't it? I came late to the drafting party, so I got all of the worst picks. I hope next season is better.
unknown_user5566 27
27- Hopefully you're not in a keeper league, then. Maybe next season you'll be able to draft a European lingerie model and permanent STD protection.
unknown_user5566 27
That is probably the most productive OCD attack I've ever heard of. I'd much rather flip out about not using protection than shut my door 154.6 times and check the lock another 42 times.
perdix 31
#16, I'm curious about that fractional door closure. Do you find hobos and stray animals entering through your door that is 0.4 open?
NeonPopRocks 14
I know, I hate having OCD... I have to do and say almost everything a multiple of four times. Not fun when your talking to some one and you have to say it another three times.
windfuelsfire 10
39 - I have yet to see your comment posted 4 times
unknown_user5566 27
21- I used a fraction for effect, though I suppose the .6 could be considered moving to shut the door at some point, but then pulling it back before it closed? 39- I do feel bad for people who have OCD. I've watched documentaries about it and studied it in Psychology, and it seems so frustrating. The worst "tick" I have is that I check my alarm like 20 times after I set it, because I'm terrified that it isn't set. I hope you find treatment that helps to alleviate your symptoms!
Myo_fml 20
I used to have OCD really bad when I was younger but it seems to have calmed with age. I used to have to step on floors an even equivalent more than my left foot, only turn right in video games with mazes, and would have to tap myself a certain number of times or I believed that I would contract cancer or that a close relative would die if I didn't do these crazy things.
Pleonasm 36
For me it's round numbers. If I'm playing a game, or I have money etc. I have a huge aversion to the amount going under the nearest round number ie 100, or a lives going under 10 or anything. Otherwise I'm kind of paranoid and have bad short term memory so I have to keep checking that I did indeed lock the door, or did indeed sign my name on the presence list that they pass around for exams- and that I didn't accidentally sign under the wrong name. Ugh.
challan 19
I agree! I lock the door a few times, beep my car alarm a few times (ok ten) and my stereo can't be above 22.
doglover100 29
Panic attacks suck.
qirde_15 5
that's a nightmare!
ultra_notorious 26
Rubbers are overrated, takes away the thrill.
Instagrants 8
The thrill of what? Unwanted pregnancy and STD's?
charvisioku 22
Pretty sure they meant it can kill the mood and doesn't feel as good. Plus you're not risking STDs if you're in a faithful, long-term relationship and you're not really risking pregnancy (or at least the risk is minimal... lower than the risk taken with just a condom at least) if the girl is on the pill and never forgets it. Of course, it's always safer to have condoms as well as the pill, but it's certainly not dumb to have just the pill, under the right circumstances.
ManInTheMachine 20
32-No no, the thrill of going on Maury and finding out whether or not you're the father. charvisioku: You can be in a committed, faithful relationship and still get an STD. Your partner could've gotten it from a relationship before yours, or they could have the HIV virus and not had sex at all, as it isn't just sexually transmitted.
Myo_fml 20
Why should a woman have to be on a pill that causes heart problems and blood clots whenever all you have to do is put a rubber on that causes you no health problems whatsoever?
kofeinisti 6
If condoms were as bad as guys claim they are, guys would rather have no sex at all. But as long as guys still want sex with condoms (and are able to have an ****** despite them) they can't be that bad. Suck it up.
lashes_to_ashes 14
So sorry. I hope you're seeing someone about that OCD and/or panic attacks.
Myo_fml 20
It's okay OP. I myself just woke up from a dream where I was in a sex shop and didn't buy these two toys I wanted because they were too expensive.
TheInfamousJosh_fml 12
HAHAhaha! Good times.