Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the Devil tempted her. FML
Today, I went to the dentist. I got a new dentist who started out a conversation about school. She asked where I went to school and if I liked my principal. After I told her I thought he was full of himself, she said she was married to him. FML
Today, I answered a call I thought was from my friend and opened with, “What do you want, fuck face?” It was actually my dentist confirming my appointment. There was a long pause before she politely repeated my name to ensure they had the right patient. FML
Today, I got the most action I've had in about 3 years when my dentist pressed her boobs against the top of my head to fill my cavities. I really need to get me a girlfriend. FML
Today, I went to the dentist; no one was in the waiting room so I danced around and mouthed songs that were on the radio. It wasn't till after I went to the counter and saw the receptionists laughing like a pack of hyenas that I realized there was a camera. FML
Today, at the dentist, I was trying to make myself comfortable while he did his thing to my teeth. While my mouth was full of tools, he asked, “So how’s your day going so far?” My reply came out as, “Mrrgh purr blobby noff nay blobby blobby.” The dentist laughed and said, “I was kidding, you’re not supposed to talk right now.” FML
Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
Today, I was in the middle of enjoying a really good book while in a waiting room. Someone saw what I was reading and thought it would be cool if she leaned over and told me everything that happens. FML
Today, I overheard a coworker talking about going to what sounded like a dentist's appointment. As she left later, I jokingly said, "Remember to open wide!" Turned out her appointment was with her OB/GYN, not a dentist. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
SP63_fml 0
Ugh. I was raised Christian, and always will be, but these kind of people are what gives Christians the names they have. Wouldn't it be great if there was a world where people could co-exist, and go about as they wish? I know many Athiests, Muslims, and even a few Buddhists. They're all nice people, I could care less about who they worship, or if they do at all. But then again, I've been excommunicated from my church, supposedly for these reasons. Oh well, who cares, I refuse to join a church that discriminates.
NoMercy_fml 0
LOL. I didn't know Satan had a manual.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (162)
redsoxchick08 0
lol that's just amusing.
fmlmaster99 0
oh man I can't believe some people r really that religious
rallets 23
lmfao i just noticed my post was #13 also coincidence? i think not!
Somebody52 0
LMAO!!!!
corey_kelly 0
wow I am a christian and all, but that lady is a retard....
FMLwrestler 0
You just got owned by an old religious lady. YDI just for that! But the OP is probably making this up! Because anybody who is that zealous has read the Bible, and they know 4 things: 1, to obey the law and word of God themselves, more than they tell other people to; 2, to forgive and not to condemn others; 3, that "do not judge, lest you be judged"; and finally 4, that the people who are zealous about spreading the word of God are going to by and large be rejected and hated by society, because society views them as boring, strict tightwads. (Which may or may not be true) Because of what I said in my 2nd paragraph, we can assume that any lady who is that zealous would A) CERTAINLY not have said "b*tch" afterwards, B) old ladies don't use that common today's teenager slang anyway, such as "make you his b*tch"... and C) that she wouldn't have judged you, lest she be judged herself, she would have spent more time spreading the news of God, instead of condemning you to Hell. Unless this old lady was 100% sure that God was true, she would not willingly make herself look like a crazy fool to society!!! And if she DOES believe God is 100% true (which is apparent by her doing that in itself), then this "lady" would not be cussing like that. Since the lady contradicts herself, she must not have really existed or done that! But since it's FML, let's not cast doubts on this truth of it, shall we? =)
MemeLOL 0
umm...okk..weird much?
PollySighDevil 0
******* fundamentalist nutbags....
angel03260 0
jeez write a whole book why dontcha 37
ktwk007 0
Not really an FML but hilarous none the less!