Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the Devil tempted her. FML
Today, I went to the dentist. I got a new dentist who started out a conversation about school. She asked where I went to school and if I liked my principal. After I told her I thought he was full of himself, she said she was married to him. FML
Today, I answered a call I thought was from my friend and opened with, “What do you want, fuck face?” It was actually my dentist confirming my appointment. There was a long pause before she politely repeated my name to ensure they had the right patient. FML
Today, I got the most action I've had in about 3 years when my dentist pressed her boobs against the top of my head to fill my cavities. I really need to get me a girlfriend. FML
Today, I went to the dentist; no one was in the waiting room so I danced around and mouthed songs that were on the radio. It wasn't till after I went to the counter and saw the receptionists laughing like a pack of hyenas that I realized there was a camera. FML
Today, at the dentist, I was trying to make myself comfortable while he did his thing to my teeth. While my mouth was full of tools, he asked, “So how’s your day going so far?” My reply came out as, “Mrrgh purr blobby noff nay blobby blobby.” The dentist laughed and said, “I was kidding, you’re not supposed to talk right now.” FML
Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
Today, I was in the middle of enjoying a really good book while in a waiting room. Someone saw what I was reading and thought it would be cool if she leaned over and told me everything that happens. FML
Today, I overheard a coworker talking about going to what sounded like a dentist's appointment. As she left later, I jokingly said, "Remember to open wide!" Turned out her appointment was with her OB/GYN, not a dentist. FML
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Top comments
SP63_fml 0
Ugh. I was raised Christian, and always will be, but these kind of people are what gives Christians the names they have. Wouldn't it be great if there was a world where people could co-exist, and go about as they wish? I know many Athiests, Muslims, and even a few Buddhists. They're all nice people, I could care less about who they worship, or if they do at all. But then again, I've been excommunicated from my church, supposedly for these reasons. Oh well, who cares, I refuse to join a church that discriminates.
NoMercy_fml 0
LOL. I didn't know Satan had a manual.
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Comments (162)
FMLwrestler 0
And to people like 29 and 34: I'm one of those people who at this point in my life sort of believes, sort of isn't sure, but in any case I could care less about making a big deal out of it, 1 way or the other. And even if i didn't believe, I wouldn't waste time dissing every fundamentalist Christian or whatever. Cuz that makes you look bad as well- it makes you look like instead of being God's pawn, you are Satan's pawn. For example, 24 wants the fundamentalist to go to hell and would do a satanic ritual, and 39 has "devil" IN THEIR NAME. ====================== So basically, if you just don't care for religion, that's tight. If you are religious, that's tight too, because there's at least some reward for being religious- IF IT'S TRUE. But there is absolutely no point for being like 24 or 39! Because the only reason I can see 24 or 39 being that crazy and frenzied for opposing religion, is if they themselves somehow think that God IS REAL, but they secretly hate him and love Satan. Why else would they waste their lives opposing something? If God doesn't exist like you say, and you ONLY HAVE 1 LIFE... WHY ARE YOU WASTING IT ON TRIVIAL STUFF???? Like the fundies dont care, cuz TO THEM they have another life! But to you, supposedly you only have 1! So why waste your only life dissing them? There HAS to be a bigger part to this picture... ============ #40 I did write a whole book, this is the second edition right here. =) haha please, give feedback. And all of this serious stuff aside... that was FKIN SOOOO FUNNY AHAHHAHAHA
twistoffate89 0
there really should be an eleventh commandment, "keep thy religion to thyself"
angel03260 0
42 okay i'll try and make my goldfish attention span a little longer and get through it
Ruetero 0
LMAO I want to meet this old hag bag. Really where does she get off saying stuff like that to perfect strangers.
I_am_stupid_also 6
I'm thinking that quote is a paraphrase into the vernacular.
kellster 2
Where is that "who cares?" button??? This is just another "oh noooo, someone said something mildly rude to me!" posts. Not an FYL. Just a regular thing that happens. Get over it.
angel03260 0
43- no one would really go for that because everyone thinks their religion is the best so they want others to convert to it. it would be nice if they did but it won't happen or else religions would never start.
jolar1 0
As a Christian, I have to admite that I DISPISE fundamentalists. Fundamentalists don't seem to even remotely comprehend what it is that their religion is about. Being the light of the world is about demonstrating your faith through your actions and it is NOT about telling people that they're hell-bound pagan sinners. The Bible says that Jesus was a friend of sinners, not a friend of the holiest of the holy. Of course this is a huge generalisation against fundametalists (who are not ALL like that and I apologise to any fundamentalists who aren't assholes) but i'm sick of the really exreme ones making all of us look like huge douchebags.
Delilahlilah 0
This woman makes religious people look bad. We're not all dumb.
scateice 0
I remember a third grader saying that shutup is a cuss word