Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the Devil tempted her. FML
Today, I went to the dentist. I got a new dentist who started out a conversation about school. She asked where I went to school and if I liked my principal. After I told her I thought he was full of himself, she said she was married to him. FML
Today, I answered a call I thought was from my friend and opened with, “What do you want, fuck face?” It was actually my dentist confirming my appointment. There was a long pause before she politely repeated my name to ensure they had the right patient. FML
Today, I got the most action I've had in about 3 years when my dentist pressed her boobs against the top of my head to fill my cavities. I really need to get me a girlfriend. FML
Today, I went to the dentist; no one was in the waiting room so I danced around and mouthed songs that were on the radio. It wasn't till after I went to the counter and saw the receptionists laughing like a pack of hyenas that I realized there was a camera. FML
Today, at the dentist, I was trying to make myself comfortable while he did his thing to my teeth. While my mouth was full of tools, he asked, “So how’s your day going so far?” My reply came out as, “Mrrgh purr blobby noff nay blobby blobby.” The dentist laughed and said, “I was kidding, you’re not supposed to talk right now.” FML
Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
Today, I was in the middle of enjoying a really good book while in a waiting room. Someone saw what I was reading and thought it would be cool if she leaned over and told me everything that happens. FML
Today, I overheard a coworker talking about going to what sounded like a dentist's appointment. As she left later, I jokingly said, "Remember to open wide!" Turned out her appointment was with her OB/GYN, not a dentist. FML
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Top comments
SP63_fml 0
Ugh. I was raised Christian, and always will be, but these kind of people are what gives Christians the names they have. Wouldn't it be great if there was a world where people could co-exist, and go about as they wish? I know many Athiests, Muslims, and even a few Buddhists. They're all nice people, I could care less about who they worship, or if they do at all. But then again, I've been excommunicated from my church, supposedly for these reasons. Oh well, who cares, I refuse to join a church that discriminates.
NoMercy_fml 0
LOL. I didn't know Satan had a manual.
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Comments (162)
blankslate 0
This is just funny!
Swan_fml 0
better to be satan's bitch than god's slave. remember that seinfeld episode where Elaine's boyfriend is weirded out by her imitation of satan? haha
UnitedArabEmirat 0
lol, all of your religions and beliefs suck. The communist/neo-nazi support party is the way to go!
may_cause_fail 0
Cosmo is fun to read. But if you take it seriously, yeah, FYL. :D
_insertnamehere_ 0
Well... did the cover have a headline like "666 ways to please Satan TONIGHT!"?? Cuz if it did, she might be right...
krisFrAnHeehar 0
she's just jealous :P
shaPOW 0
why is it an FML to meet a crazy person?
o_m_g_joe 0
tjis made me think of bobby's mom from the movie the waterboy lol nosy bitches are the devil
paxromana 0
#11 Ah, I love it. And that isn't necessary, #73. You sound just as ignorant there as the woman in the FML...
FMLwrestler 0
#61 I don't get it, do you mean women suck because they are the main cause of Adam and Eve getting thrown out of the garden of Eden (thus, Sin)... or do you mean women suck because the lady was really forward and awkward, and shoved her beliefs at the OP? Because if it's the 2nd reason, anybody can do that, not just women. If it's the first reason, well Adam didn't have to eat the apple, and it wasn't adam OR eve's fault, it was stupid Satan's fault. SATAN sucks, not men or women. IDK what it will take for you to respect women, #61, but I do know this: Once you have sex with a woman, you will have that respect if you didn't already! LOL. No really I'm not kidding though. But of course that's not the only reason. Women in my belief are just as equal and important and great as us! Sure we have differences and things we are both better and worse at... but in the end, we are both equal, and we are both vital and important! If either men or women died, the other species would die out. Men would die out because we need women to have babies. Women would die out without men, because we need sperm. And to the feminists who are going to say "women don't need men like men need women"... ladies, ladies, we are EQUAL! You would not HAVE in vitro fertilization for women-to-women babies, if it weren't for the MALE doctors Patrick C. Steptoe and Robert G. Edwards (of Great Britain), who first INVENTED in vitro fertilization! So yes, of course, men and women are equal. Thank you very much. #61 you are a tool. and so are any chauvinists OR feminists out there. Cuz i hate both of yall groups. both are stupid. learn to love everybody, the more you hate people, the more selfish and reclusive and lonely you will become. learn it, live it, love it. =================== #77: Chill with the Nazi references and the communist references. and FYI everybody who thinks communism and nazism were that different, they really weren't THAT different. nazism was "national SOCIALIST german workers party", so they were basically a form of communism. and goes to show the kind of evil jerks who are atheists, huh? the nazis and commies?
Haydyn Runzer 7
so because an evil dictator was an atheist, all atheists are evil?
Haydyn Runzer 7
that might be the most backwards bit of reasoning i've ever heatd