Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the Devil tempted her. FML
Today, I went to the dentist. I got a new dentist who started out a conversation about school. She asked where I went to school and if I liked my principal. After I told her I thought he was full of himself, she said she was married to him. FML
Today, I answered a call I thought was from my friend and opened with, “What do you want, fuck face?” It was actually my dentist confirming my appointment. There was a long pause before she politely repeated my name to ensure they had the right patient. FML
Today, I got the most action I've had in about 3 years when my dentist pressed her boobs against the top of my head to fill my cavities. I really need to get me a girlfriend. FML
Today, I went to the dentist; no one was in the waiting room so I danced around and mouthed songs that were on the radio. It wasn't till after I went to the counter and saw the receptionists laughing like a pack of hyenas that I realized there was a camera. FML
Today, at the dentist, I was trying to make myself comfortable while he did his thing to my teeth. While my mouth was full of tools, he asked, “So how’s your day going so far?” My reply came out as, “Mrrgh purr blobby noff nay blobby blobby.” The dentist laughed and said, “I was kidding, you’re not supposed to talk right now.” FML
Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
Today, I was in the middle of enjoying a really good book while in a waiting room. Someone saw what I was reading and thought it would be cool if she leaned over and told me everything that happens. FML
Today, I overheard a coworker talking about going to what sounded like a dentist's appointment. As she left later, I jokingly said, "Remember to open wide!" Turned out her appointment was with her OB/GYN, not a dentist. FML
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Top comments
SP63_fml 0
Ugh. I was raised Christian, and always will be, but these kind of people are what gives Christians the names they have. Wouldn't it be great if there was a world where people could co-exist, and go about as they wish? I know many Athiests, Muslims, and even a few Buddhists. They're all nice people, I could care less about who they worship, or if they do at all. But then again, I've been excommunicated from my church, supposedly for these reasons. Oh well, who cares, I refuse to join a church that discriminates.
NoMercy_fml 0
LOL. I didn't know Satan had a manual.
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Comments (162)
Dart22 0
Wow, i hate people like that. and here is something a little ironic/creepy (I swear this isn't Photoshopped (except for the highlight ;P) ) http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f98/Dartaris/ScaryFML.jpg
TheRelevant 0
its funny but not really a fml
Mitz_fml 4
f her life for being a closed minded bible thumping moron.
lucie_fml 0
79 said it all. all hail the waterboy :)
caprica_fml 0
I'm reminded of this quote by Annie Dillard: An Inuit hunter asked the local missionary priest: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" "No," said the priest, "not if you did not know." "Then why," asked the Inuit earnestly, "did you tell me?" People who push their beliefs on others can be likened to forwarding a bad chain e-mail, hopefully most people will have the common sense to delete such messages and mark them clearly as unwanted 'spam.'
SP63_fml 0
@92. Wow, that's a keeper
ssfchik17 0
i cant stand ppl like that, ppl that cant except other religions and other ideas. as an athiest myself, i hate it when ppl tell me im wrong, stupid, or retarded 4 not agreeing with them. im entitled to my own beliefs as are you. if i were you, i would have told that lady to **** off & thrown the magazine at her. #37/42 who the hell do you think you are!? you're really pissy aren't you? like are you ******* on your period or what?
DeadMansCrack 4
HAHAHAHA this one made me lmao
A_Wolfe 0
#17, #37, #42, #81: I'm almost 100% sure that you're the only person who cares about what you have to say, and you're probably the only person who's read and re-read your comments just because you love the sound of your opinion, hence why you forced it upon us 4 times. Just lighten up and enjoy the FML's.
Brett2873 0
#37, zealots dont look at what their religions teach them. They contort it to convince themselves that everyone else is an enemy. I am a christian, but thats what i believe in, not what i no for sure. Nobody anywhere on this earth is in the position to judge a religion because nothing can prove a religion is real but nothing can disprove it either