Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the Devil tempted her. FML
Today, I went to the dentist. I got a new dentist who started out a conversation about school. She asked where I went to school and if I liked my principal. After I told her I thought he was full of himself, she said she was married to him. FML
Today, I answered a call I thought was from my friend and opened with, “What do you want, fuck face?” It was actually my dentist confirming my appointment. There was a long pause before she politely repeated my name to ensure they had the right patient. FML
Today, I got the most action I've had in about 3 years when my dentist pressed her boobs against the top of my head to fill my cavities. I really need to get me a girlfriend. FML
Today, I went to the dentist; no one was in the waiting room so I danced around and mouthed songs that were on the radio. It wasn't till after I went to the counter and saw the receptionists laughing like a pack of hyenas that I realized there was a camera. FML
Today, at the dentist, I was trying to make myself comfortable while he did his thing to my teeth. While my mouth was full of tools, he asked, “So how’s your day going so far?” My reply came out as, “Mrrgh purr blobby noff nay blobby blobby.” The dentist laughed and said, “I was kidding, you’re not supposed to talk right now.” FML
Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
Today, I was in the middle of enjoying a really good book while in a waiting room. Someone saw what I was reading and thought it would be cool if she leaned over and told me everything that happens. FML
Today, I overheard a coworker talking about going to what sounded like a dentist's appointment. As she left later, I jokingly said, "Remember to open wide!" Turned out her appointment was with her OB/GYN, not a dentist. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
SP63_fml 0
Ugh. I was raised Christian, and always will be, but these kind of people are what gives Christians the names they have. Wouldn't it be great if there was a world where people could co-exist, and go about as they wish? I know many Athiests, Muslims, and even a few Buddhists. They're all nice people, I could care less about who they worship, or if they do at all. But then again, I've been excommunicated from my church, supposedly for these reasons. Oh well, who cares, I refuse to join a church that discriminates.
NoMercy_fml 0
LOL. I didn't know Satan had a manual.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (162)
thuryn 2
A couple of you said that this was fake because a truly religious person would never say "bitch." Talk about a fallacy. Ever hear of the Crusades? Ever hear of cross burning or lynchings or honor killings or any other travesty perpetrated in the name of God? I grew up with some women who were *extremely* religious and yet they cursed like sailors. It doesn't make any sense, but there it is. Personally, I became a Muslim long ago for reasons which are not relevant here. Suffice it to say, there are hypocrites in every faith. 20 of them, for example, flew planes into buildings on the East Coast eight years ago. Never mind the fact that Islam considers suicide "self-murder" *sigh* I hate Cosmo, but I don't think you're going to hell for it, and I don't see much point in being nasty to you about it. Do get something better to read - like Consumer Reports or Time or somthing - and forget about that crazy woman. She's just upset because her Bible-thumping has driven everyone else away from her, so she's going to make sure that she has a plausible reason that she hates everyone. It's sad, but not your problem.
lilyluna_fml 0
That's just funny. Your life is not ******. Your life is awesome. That's a great story. Tell it at all of your parties.
BaldOuting 0
haha agree with 53 - your life is not ******, but damn, that's an awesome story.
TheLittlestNinja 0
lol was the lady that said that fat and ugly?
lovely997 0
NUMBER 42- WHAT THE ****, GO READ MY COMMENT, it's NUMBER 29 ******* re
Moemoemoe_fml 0
You're supposed to reply "fat chance, he already has you, he doesn't need to switch bitches any time soon". Of course, a fight might ensue, but I bet the look on their faces would be priceless. XD It's always weird when psycho people think they're behaving in a charitable and religious-friendly manner by attacking random people for no good reason. :-/ And #24, by threatening to take a shit on the bible, you have now lowered yourself to being as bad as the bible thumper. Double standards sucks. Respect goes both ways.
thelarkscaw 0
24 lmfao. i'm pm the same way.
skyoolie 0
this is kinda funny, but kinda sad i myself am a Christian, but that's juts hypocritical of her to say that (and btw i read Cosmo sometimes as well) I highly agree with 49 Jesus loved the sinners and those who did not believe but i do think this is pretty funny
bunnyboo_xxx 6
ha get on, i personality would find that extremly funny x
scaredofgirls 0
thats why women suck