Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a date over for the first time. Everything was going well until my dog decided to wedge himself between us on the couch, growl at my date, and then pee on his shoes. My date laughed it off, but my dog seemed to be giving me a smug “I warned you” look for the rest of the night. FML
Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He became friendly with another dog, and I reached down to pet them both. Suddenly, an old woman ran up to me and whacked me with her cane repeatedly. Apparently, her previous dog had been kidnapped by a woman who looked a lot like me. FML
Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML
Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML
Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML
Today, I was chased out of my own house by my wife's lover's dog. FML
Today, I took my dog to the puppy park to meet girls. I met one very attractive girl, she loved my puppy, and she asked for my number. As she took out her phone, my dog defecated on her feet. She was wearing sandals. FML
Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML
Today, I finally had a date, my first one in well over a year. Everything was going good, until my date asked, "Do you like cats or dogs better?" When I responded cats, my date promptly got up and left, saying, "This isn't meant to be." FML
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Top comments
MsMeiriona 2
Better than a rape whistle.
miz_kamakazi 11
Bring treats next time to distract him.
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Comments (80)
miss_booboo_8 0
Ha u f*cked that one up U selfish pig!how do u think ur child is gonna look at u when they find out what you did
agm77 9
What?
dorkasaurusROAR 7
Wrong FML. Lol.
hateevryone 15
I would delete her number, if i were you.
happilyever2012 6
Better than being tasered.
JuuChan 3
This is a good thing. It's already telling you how the relationship is going to go. No second date!
LostTragedy 7
I want a dog like that... xD But sucks to be you.
JuuChan 3
I guess we all know who the alpha male is, eh? ;D
MargieDrury 1
What a cute dog * op touches dog* the girl starts barking.
kurololita 6
Who knows, scruffy just might have been trying to save you from an abusive relationship. Heed the warning, find someone new.
badactor009 0
Why do you think she brought the dog along?
bubo_fml 11
From the dog's perspective, you failed to assert your position in the pecking order. Next time, don't back down from the challenge & use behaviors that the dog will understand...However, I can't guarantee that you'll have a very successful date if you attempt to mount her pet...