Today, I got to explain to someone that "enjoying the warm, rich aromas of fecal matter" is not a good subject to use as an ice breaker for making friends. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I sat next to this really hot guy in my writing class. We struck up a conversation, and it was going well, until he began describing, in excruciating detail, his IBS and fiber problems, and how he always has to poop. Good to know. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 7-year-old son that it's not okay to smell others' "wieners". FML
Today, another employee scolded me for being "socially awkward". The same employee who just before had a 10 minute discussion with a client about her poop. FML
Today, while as a therapist, a client made an audible fart and pointed out that she had done so. Shortly after, she wrinkled her nose as she savored the odor. She began to discuss her significant trauma issues. Before I could respond, her fart wafted over to me, making any mature response pointless. FML
Today, I had to explain to my friend why it's inappropriate to conduct a phone conversation while simultaneously eating a bagel, listening to music, and taking a shit. FML
Today, I was talking to this boy I really like and we were laughing together, until I got this disgusting putrid smell. I started to say how awful the smell was and he stopped laughing to take a sniff too. As soon as he closed his mouth the smell was gone. FML
Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML
Today, my daughter complained that she no longer wanted to talk about poop, as it grosses her out. This is a girl who can eat a rare steak while watching a guy’s arms get hacked off on TV, but poop is where she draws the line. FML
Today, my brother met my girlfriend for the first time. Instead of making a good first impression, the first thing he did was talk about how he just took a massive dump and didn't wipe very well, and that's why his hand smelled bad. FML
Today I had a customer come into my office smelling like feces, urine and body odor. I tried not to get sick to my stomach but failed miserably. I threw up in my trash can in front of him. It now smells like feces, urine, body odor and vomit in here. FML
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Top comments
paigexox0 37
Thats...concerning. Also..really guys, first AND second comment?
poopsi 19
I don't know.. Seems like a good conversation starter to me.. :c
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Comments (73)
worldclassrager 41
Well then it can work with farmers...sort of..manure? Got enough tom boys or farmers it may work...I don't recommend it though but hey worth a shot
Attacksloth 33
My fiancee's uncle is a beef farmer and he says the exact same thing. OP, maybe you met him.
NPN_Scorpio 16
Tell him to try out for this decade's remake of "The Fly". Also, you might find his stamina to be off the charts. Be sure to stock up on carb-laden sport drinks.
chuksnwali 34
wait ... what?
flipthebirdfuxku 10
Were they foreign exchange? grew up on a farm? There are many ways in which this could be normal, we just aren't used to it in our culture.
JKPwnage 27
While I feel sorry for OP, I'm also sorry for the person OP had to talk to. (S)he probably has some kind of disorder that limits understanding of social cues. It suck having to grow up with something like that; I would know.
TerraShadow 18
It totally is though!
theonecasey 27
Ewwy ewwy eww!!!
elizabethia 5
Maybe it's just me, but that really sounds like a sarcastic comment one of my friends would make so I can't help but assume whoever said that was not being serious.
Siettadulce 21
That's pretty gross.