Today, I got to explain to someone that "enjoying the warm, rich aromas of fecal matter" is not a good subject to use as an ice breaker for making friends. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I sat next to this really hot guy in my writing class. We struck up a conversation, and it was going well, until he began describing, in excruciating detail, his IBS and fiber problems, and how he always has to poop. Good to know. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 7-year-old son that it's not okay to smell others' "wieners". FML
Today, another employee scolded me for being "socially awkward". The same employee who just before had a 10 minute discussion with a client about her poop. FML
Today, while as a therapist, a client made an audible fart and pointed out that she had done so. Shortly after, she wrinkled her nose as she savored the odor. She began to discuss her significant trauma issues. Before I could respond, her fart wafted over to me, making any mature response pointless. FML
Today, I had to explain to my friend why it's inappropriate to conduct a phone conversation while simultaneously eating a bagel, listening to music, and taking a shit. FML
Today, I was talking to this boy I really like and we were laughing together, until I got this disgusting putrid smell. I started to say how awful the smell was and he stopped laughing to take a sniff too. As soon as he closed his mouth the smell was gone. FML
Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML
Today, my daughter complained that she no longer wanted to talk about poop, as it grosses her out. This is a girl who can eat a rare steak while watching a guy’s arms get hacked off on TV, but poop is where she draws the line. FML
Today, my brother met my girlfriend for the first time. Instead of making a good first impression, the first thing he did was talk about how he just took a massive dump and didn't wipe very well, and that's why his hand smelled bad. FML
Today I had a customer come into my office smelling like feces, urine and body odor. I tried not to get sick to my stomach but failed miserably. I threw up in my trash can in front of him. It now smells like feces, urine, body odor and vomit in here. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
paigexox0 37
Thats...concerning. Also..really guys, first AND second comment?
poopsi 19
I don't know.. Seems like a good conversation starter to me.. :c
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (73)
poopsi 19
I don't know.. Seems like a good conversation starter to me.. :c
Blake77_fml 19
You're one of those special people where the picture goes with the text
IllestRated 17
Or anything involving fecal matter
Cass_x 22
Some people.. I just.. Ugh. Smfh.
Pstraka6 20
My question is why would you have to explain to someone that that isn't isn't an icebreaker? im sure most people arent receptive to that or the smell when meeting them
kasmol 16
It could be they are just a big fan of Two Girls - One Cup.
joea21 21
How old was said person? Is there even an age limit to where this is ok? Like 2?
onlychildFTW 34
Well farts are hilarious I think. But I've been told I act more like a 2 year old so that might be me...
ihavenolifehaha 16
Lol that's nasty
weveallbeenthere 30
that's pretty gross.
kasmol 16
Sing along to the commercial! The best part of waking up is feces in your cup!
carsonator45 9
Well I guess you could say it was a *puts on sunglasses* Shitty situation YAAAAAAA
2ndSucks 15
no.
91hayek 31
They could be referring to the warm aromatic tones of civet coffee (Kopi Luwak) that technically is fecal matter passed from the Asian Palm Civet. The coffee is just really expensive animal poop ground up.
catanita 18
That is no true at all. Local is called cat and eats the fruit and she poops out what remains - undigested coffee beans. The beans are washed very well.
Brandi_Faith 34
46, your explanation doesn't make me want to try it any more than the other comment. Eww.
catanita 18
You are so right, but some people are willing to give a lot of money on this coffee - i think is the most expensive coffee in the world.