Today, I had to explain to my friend why it's inappropriate to conduct a phone conversation while simultaneously eating a bagel, listening to music, and taking a shit. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML
Today, while at a rest stop, I heard a woman in the stall next to me answer her phone and say to the other person, "Oh nothing just pooping and shit." FML
Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML
Today, I was talking to a guy on the phone. I told him I'd be right back. I thought I'd put him on mute. Turns out he heard everything as I took the biggest dump I've ever taken. We haven't talked since. FML
Today, my phone rang just seconds after I left a conference meeting to go use the restroom. It wouldn't have been a problem, except it seems one of my friends thought it would be funny to change my ringtone to a woman having an orgasm. FML
Today, my friend was confiding all her problems to me over Skype. I pressed the mute button so I could let out a fart, forgetting I'd already muted it earlier. I broke several minutes of my own silence with a devastating wet one. Now she won't talk to me. FML
Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 minutes. I stayed in there even though I'd finished shitting after 5 minutes, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML
Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML
Today, I was having a mass lecture, for 3 classes combined, all microphones muted. I wanted to go to the toilet, so I connected my headphones, and I did my job massively while listening to the teacher. Suddenly, the teacher said, "Oh, close your mic for the love of god." 85 students heard me taking a shit. FML
Today, my stomach growled so loudly in class that my professor told us to make sure our phones were silenced. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
That IS inappropriate! He could also be composing an opera, checking his stocks, clipping his toenails, and masturbating at the same time! What a colossal waste of time.
marleyvk 0
Why's that so bad? I do it all the time. It's called multi-tasking.
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Comments (106)
bananahannahjo 0
ewwww!
PuppiesFTW 5
Yeah and tell her it's more appropriate if she takes a shower while blow drying her hair. :O. Let her do whatever she wants..... I dont see the problem with her doing that (It's her privacy).... unless she is doing it in front of people then yes, it's inappropriate . :P
bigphill1333 0
Not really eeew I've done that before all you do is mute the phone when it gets rough.
untoward 0
I wish OP could call me and explain what's wrong with it cause I don't understand
Me_iz_a_Bboy 0
You sick Mofo's.
bananahannahjo 0
I agree! it's disgusting!
tktom7 6
so wait, he was eating a bagel and taking a shit at the same time?
Ninjafriends 1
So wait, isn't that explained by that funny word "simultaneously"?
danishbagel 3
Bagel! W00T!
InnocentLies 0
Fricking multitaskers. :p
jessi_ld 2
the problem is why would you eat and shot at the same time! bet they dont know that when you flush the toilet water splashes everywhere outside of the toilet as well!
Marine07_fml 0
It's gonna come back out eventually.
ermkrmr 0
63, Friken LGs
jelmermcgee 8
Just because you don't like to talk on the phone while ******** doesn't mean your friend shouldn't. Now stfu
serenity0904 0
agree
shortystar_fml 0
althought eating while u r taking a shit is kinda gross
SoFreshAndYetDep 0
I have a question, do any of you like listening to people "take a shit?" If not, you now see what's wrong with the friend's actions.
marleyvk 0
Why's that so bad? I do it all the time. It's called multi-tasking.
Doortje 30
Multitasking is fine when you're doing things that need little attention or don't cause disturbance. Listening to music while having a conversation is just rude, taking a dump while having a conversation is just gross.
Ninjafriends 1
Not to mention eating while ********. That's simply vile.
JManHobbs 0
I converse while eating and listening to music all the time. I also listen to music and shit all the time. I occasionally eat while ******** and very occasionally talk on the phone while ********. I don't really see a problem here.
destermin5 5
I agree this sounds like something I would do so it's not an FML in my eyes
maddieomg 0
you are disgusting
zzzBOLTzzz 1
...
morgs1 0
let them be proud of what they've accomplished today!
dragonaair 5
How did you know he was doing a shit?
ViolentBears 0
Maybe it was the grunting and the sound of his shit hitting the water?
Twisted107 4
so yes that business report will be done on agh kerplunk "water splashes" on time
paoolaa 0
lol! ^
jjasson1296 0
what is wrong with your face?
MarineWifey88 3
Haven't you ever heard of multitasking? If you don't like it, hang up and call your friend back later. Its not like your friend is making you watch.
kaylaraeh 0
If you don't like that OP doesn't agree with it, then why are you commenting in the first place?
nkor1337 1
ur ugly
DocBastard 40
That IS inappropriate! He could also be composing an opera, checking his stocks, clipping his toenails, and masturbating at the same time! What a colossal waste of time.
Your_Moms_Mom 0
Masterbating while ********? You are completely messed up, Doc. What the hell are you smoking?
schalk 12
OP never stated if it's a male or female friend...
kachowak 0
guys and girls can **********...
rockefoe 6
tell me why!
DJSam909 8
Now THAT is what I call multi-tasking! xD
bamboovv 0
it's not multitasking, it's recycling
PuppiesFTW 5
why was my comment moderated? i did not say anything bad..... god damn it!
Doortje 30
It was moderated because you replied to #1 without your comment being related to it. That makes you an attention *****, and attention ****** deserve to get banned.
bballdude777 0
are u in color guard