Today, I got to explain to someone that "enjoying the warm, rich aromas of fecal matter" is not a good subject to use as an ice breaker for making friends. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I sat next to this really hot guy in my writing class. We struck up a conversation, and it was going well, until he began describing, in excruciating detail, his IBS and fiber problems, and how he always has to poop. Good to know. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 7-year-old son that it's not okay to smell others' "wieners". FML
Today, another employee scolded me for being "socially awkward". The same employee who just before had a 10 minute discussion with a client about her poop. FML
Today, while as a therapist, a client made an audible fart and pointed out that she had done so. Shortly after, she wrinkled her nose as she savored the odor. She began to discuss her significant trauma issues. Before I could respond, her fart wafted over to me, making any mature response pointless. FML
Today, I had to explain to my friend why it's inappropriate to conduct a phone conversation while simultaneously eating a bagel, listening to music, and taking a shit. FML
Today, I was talking to this boy I really like and we were laughing together, until I got this disgusting putrid smell. I started to say how awful the smell was and he stopped laughing to take a sniff too. As soon as he closed his mouth the smell was gone. FML
Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML
Today, my daughter complained that she no longer wanted to talk about poop, as it grosses her out. This is a girl who can eat a rare steak while watching a guy’s arms get hacked off on TV, but poop is where she draws the line. FML
Today, my brother met my girlfriend for the first time. Instead of making a good first impression, the first thing he did was talk about how he just took a massive dump and didn't wipe very well, and that's why his hand smelled bad. FML
Today I had a customer come into my office smelling like feces, urine and body odor. I tried not to get sick to my stomach but failed miserably. I threw up in my trash can in front of him. It now smells like feces, urine, body odor and vomit in here. FML
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Top comments
paigexox0 37
Thats...concerning. Also..really guys, first AND second comment?
poopsi 19
I don't know.. Seems like a good conversation starter to me.. :c
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Comments (73)
kidclarke 15
That's a shitty situation.
ihavenolifehaha 16
Did you really just...
\ 28
"It's a bold strategy. Let's see if it plays out for him."
Shayaan 10
You haaaadddd to do it
incoherentrmblr 22
Well, if he tells a girl he takes really healthy sh**s, he'll probably get laid, just like the other FML tells about OP's friend...
grapefruit_hd 7
Up vote this because I didn't have such a bad puun
rocker_chick23 27
You got to write the first comment and you used a stupid pun? Epic fail
addictedtosorrow 12
"Oh, a risky attempt, will they accept him, probably not but let's see how it works anyway."
JKPwnage 27
There's always that one guy. Today, you were that guy. *insert Gander Mtn. slogan*
DevilsMetsGiants 30
That must've been a real shitty conversation!
badluckalex 23
you must be new to fml. or you are just trolling
paigexox0 37
Thats...concerning. Also..really guys, first AND second comment?
Sebastian2022 22
I know this out of context, but you're really pretty. :)
extrasnipes 22
I KNOW those comments are crap
OysterPearls 33
I wish those kinds of commenters would just scat!
Sansa_fml 38
And within the same minute. That's also concerning.
Cely988 29
I guess that person isn't going to make a lot of friends any time soon.
GEBEH 14
Maybe he'll just go around and ask that all day and when he finally gets the response he wants he'll know that he found his soulmate!
warsun 27
I am wasting this comment
LexiJ1 18
HahahahahHahahahahahahahahaha
thelittlemissy 29
You should dump that person!
meli1195 31
Dump them? Are you sure that you read the FML correctly?
thelittlemissy 29
Yes.
LuckBeNimble 19
8/21: your conviction--I like it.
grapefruit_hd 7
It because they should of took a dump instead of getting shit all over their conversation #20
el_angelroca 15
Haha who starts a conversation like that?
kasmol 16
Nice to meet you guys. By the way, did you catch a whiff of that fresh dog turd by the newspaper machine? Makes me think of French toast with a hint of almond glaze.
JustKittyKat 24
"Um, I'm Chris. Sometimes, I have to poop for a long time. Now it's your turn to say something." -Christopher Cross Griffin That's who lol
MoodiQ 8
who doesn't?
RedPillSucks 33
To the tune of oscar meyers My poop has a first name and it really really smells. My poop has a second name but it doesn't ring a bell.
MrBoredomioo 18
Good to know there's someone else out there like me! (just kidding BTW)
froggyjade 16
That's disgusting, run OP run!