Today, I got out of the hospital for the second time in a week. The first time was for a seizure that my cat induced by tripping me over. The second was to get stitches from the Doberman that had decided to take over my front yard while I was gone. Apparently I was intruding. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was finally able to come home after 4 months in a hospital recovering from brain surgery and physical therapy. While taking a walk around the neighborhood, my new neighbor's Rottweiler ran after me. I tripped while running, got bit, and went back to the hospital for stitches. FML
Today, I decided to pull some weeds in my backyard. Everything was going great until I got a concussion. My dog thought that it would be fun to headbutt me from a running start. Twice. FML
Today, I went to visit my grandpa. He has an easily excited dog, who barreled into my freshly broken knee. I felt my knee move out of place again. The dog chipped a tooth. We went to the vet first. FML
Today, I came home on crutches. My dog was immediately afraid of them, and came running towards me, growling and barking. She ran right into me, knocking me over. FML
Today, I went outside for the first time in a week and ended up tripping over something, busting my lip and nose, and breaking a tooth. I ran away in a dazed and confused panic while dropping all my stuff. Not going outside again for a while. FML
Today, it was my first day out of hospital and being able to walk outside. I went to a shop and an old lady backed up into me and elbowed the exact stop on my back the pain starts from. I hit the floor like a ton of bricks and had to go back to hospital. FML
Today, my mom's super spoiled small demon dog attacked my 3 year-old daughter, mauling her leg. Out of instinct, I kicked it away, causing it to fly across the room yelping. I picked up my daughter and took her straight to the hospital, where she got stitches. Later that night, I was greeted with a vet bill. FML
Today, I came home from the hospital after six days. Despite having a cat sitter, they managed to shit on the bathroom floor and pee on my bed in protest for being gone too long. FML
Today, I tripped over a dog and broke my elbow. I'm stuck dogsitting for the rest of the weekend and he won't stop jumping up at my broken arm. FML
Today, I finally went to the hospital for a week-long migraine. A few Saturdays ago I went to the park to play frisbee with my friends and coworkers. While climbing a fence, I fell and hit my head twice. Turns out I have a severe concussion and a swollen brain. FML
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Top comments
DerangedFox 0
Perhaps you should avoid animals in general for awhile...
null_fml 11
A dog decided to take over your front yard? You sure you didn't just go to the wrong house 'cause you were messed up from your pain meds? lol
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Comments (75)
summerloolooloo 0
Ah crazed dogs. What can you do about it? Well you could call up the guys at the pound.
SumKid_fml 0
You must hate animals now...
PinkTweet 0
death is after you.
Kylias 6
^this person is upset because their gerbil died of dehydration when they were 5.
scarsnstars45 0
Did it remind you of when your dad used to tie a steak around you neck so your dog would play with you?
Shmeaty 0
is your cat heavy enough for you to trip over? cuz usually they weigh enough to be punted outta the way.
Giant85 0
she could've been walking down some stairs and the cat weaved between her legs
estallidos 0
Yeah, death loves me apparently. No, it was my house, and yes, I shot it. The dog now has brain damage. =] It's impossible for me to stay out of hospitals, thank you very much.
CharlotteRx 4
Are you serious? did you really shot that poor dobbie? I know it was your backyard but you should of have shot the owners not the dog. Irresponsible owners are the ones who give dobermans and pitbulls their bad name : (
JukeboxBunny 0
You basically murdered a dog? And you're happy about it? Sick ****.
fudrick 0
No, the fact that pits kill so many children, elderly people, and others who can't defend themselves against an attack gives them their bad reputation of the cowardly, aggressive animals they are. Sure, you can train it out of them, but even that isn't 100%. I've been attacked by a pitbull that was "the sweetest dog in the world" and "would never hurt anyone." They shouldn't be legal to own.
CharlotteRx 4
Most of the time it's the owners fault for not giving their dogs proper training but I guess you are right in the fact that that's not 100% effective. And I'm sorry about your bad experience with pits :(
fudrick 0
"Are you serious fudrick?" Completely. "ALL dogs are like that." Indeed, but not ALL dogs are 80 pounds of pure muscle. "It is actually safer to have a pitbull around small children then it is to have a dalmation around them." No shit. I never said Dalmations are safe. I simply commented on pits because that is the breed the other commenter was talking about with a bad reputation. Pit defenders always try to bring in other breeds "OH YEAH WELL THIS BREED ATTACKS MORE PEOPLE SO PITS ARE GUD." No. "ALL dogs have a chance of attacking in a split second, not just pitbulls." But pitbulls are substantially more dangerous than almost every other breed of dog. "If you think pitbulls should be illegal, then all dogs should be in your way of thinking." No, because most dogs don't have the strength to overpower someone and kill them if they wanted to. That's like saying firecrackers are just as dangerous as dynamite because they both explode. There are different levels to everything. "Any type of dog could suddenly snap and kill someone, NOT just pitbulls." You're repeating yourself, but I never once said that its "just pitbulls" who do this. "Like I said, dalmations are actually more unsafe and unpredictable then pitbulls, so dalmations should be illegal then :/" Indeed they should. Or at least have laws to where a dangerous dog such as a Doberman, pit, dalmation, etc must be kept inside. Which isn't good for dogs, so might as well ban them.
Vurban 0
Good job, OP. What'd you hit it with, if you don't mind me asking? I got the one that bit me across the yard with a shotgun. Saw at least 5 hits on it, then it ran away (which was the point). Where I'm at, the roaming dogs are generally the aggressive sort who attack children and stuff maliciously. Hope it was the same for you and that you didn't have to shoot a neighbour's pet. Don't let anyone on here give you shit for shooting it. Most of them seem to forget that not all dogs growl before attacking or they think they will only attack when provoked.
null_fml 11
lol, Silly rednecks. "Only thing I like more'n guns 'n' dogs is shootin' dogs! Yeeeehaw!"
The__Redneck 7
If you're very much against shooting dogs, we can simply take vicious dogs that attack people and bring them to your house. Sounds t'me like a win-win situation.
null_fml 11
Sure, I'll stay inside and call Animal Control like a civilized person would. Relax with my feet up while they take care of it.
Dead_Bunny213 5
Dogs are only as mean as you raise them to be, you ******* tard. I have a dog that I saved cause it was being neglected and he couldn't be sweeter because it know I'm helping him. Dogs are easily scared
Hiimhaileypotter 53
#79 Genetics plays a huge part. It is NOT just training.
ragsy 7
I don't think you can blame your cat for seizures.
watchsrcubs 0
is it just me or is this fml worded akwardly?
null_fml 11
Is it just me, or is the word "awkwardly" really awkward to spell?
CharlotteRx 4
My Doberman Pincher once took over my neighbor's back yard but it didn't attack them, it was just there hanging/playing with my neighbor's dog. However, my neighbor almost shitted his pants when he saw my dobbie. Dogs always growl or do something to let you know that you shouldn't get any closer. Next time call animal control or try to find the dog's owner.