Today, I got out of the hospital for the second time in a week. The first time was for a seizure that my cat induced by tripping me over. The second was to get stitches from the Doberman that had decided to take over my front yard while I was gone. Apparently I was intruding. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was finally able to come home after 4 months in a hospital recovering from brain surgery and physical therapy. While taking a walk around the neighborhood, my new neighbor's Rottweiler ran after me. I tripped while running, got bit, and went back to the hospital for stitches. FML
Today, I decided to pull some weeds in my backyard. Everything was going great until I got a concussion. My dog thought that it would be fun to headbutt me from a running start. Twice. FML
Today, I went to visit my grandpa. He has an easily excited dog, who barreled into my freshly broken knee. I felt my knee move out of place again. The dog chipped a tooth. We went to the vet first. FML
Today, I came home on crutches. My dog was immediately afraid of them, and came running towards me, growling and barking. She ran right into me, knocking me over. FML
Today, I went outside for the first time in a week and ended up tripping over something, busting my lip and nose, and breaking a tooth. I ran away in a dazed and confused panic while dropping all my stuff. Not going outside again for a while. FML
Today, it was my first day out of hospital and being able to walk outside. I went to a shop and an old lady backed up into me and elbowed the exact stop on my back the pain starts from. I hit the floor like a ton of bricks and had to go back to hospital. FML
Today, my mom's super spoiled small demon dog attacked my 3 year-old daughter, mauling her leg. Out of instinct, I kicked it away, causing it to fly across the room yelping. I picked up my daughter and took her straight to the hospital, where she got stitches. Later that night, I was greeted with a vet bill. FML
Today, I came home from the hospital after six days. Despite having a cat sitter, they managed to shit on the bathroom floor and pee on my bed in protest for being gone too long. FML
Today, I tripped over a dog and broke my elbow. I'm stuck dogsitting for the rest of the weekend and he won't stop jumping up at my broken arm. FML
Today, I finally went to the hospital for a week-long migraine. A few Saturdays ago I went to the park to play frisbee with my friends and coworkers. While climbing a fence, I fell and hit my head twice. Turns out I have a severe concussion and a swollen brain. FML
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Top comments
DerangedFox 0
Perhaps you should avoid animals in general for awhile...
null_fml 11
A dog decided to take over your front yard? You sure you didn't just go to the wrong house 'cause you were messed up from your pain meds? lol
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Comments (75)
stormin972 0
Feed that damn cat to the Doberman and all your problems will be solved.
Alex373 0
That completely sucks. I hope you got your house back
goonie85 0
Again, being educated helps. Burmese pythons have killed several people in America. Those snakes are also capableof adapting to the climates found in the southern states, enabling them to breed. Since they are not indigenous to this country, that is bad for the ecosystem, perhaps that is a reason for said legislation. Ignorance just spawns more ignorance. We veterinary professionals can only do so much, but you can't fix stupid. You can only make fun of it.
robhol 0
Don't forget the tetanus shots! :P
meisangry2 0
your like a crappy Dr Dolittle XD
Useram053 0
Sounds like a gun would solve all your problems.
fudrick 0
No, burms have not killed anyone in the USA. The only snakes that have killed in the US are venomous species (which, in almost every case, resulted from drunk males aged 18 - 25 who tried to pick the snake up or kill it, as opposed to pits, which actively seek out and attack weaker people), and all venomous snake species combine kill less people per year than pitbulls. I believe your referring to the burms in the Everglades, which isn't really "adapting" so much as just moving to a climate similar to their native climate. Like you say, don't blame the animal. People who release the snakes cause this, not the snakes themselves. However, unlike pits killing people, this situation can be reversed by capturing the snakes, putting them in a shelter, and punishing those who release non-native snakes into the wild.
fudrick 0
I don't appreciate you calling me ignorant, either. I may have differing views on the subject but I think it's clear I know my facts.
estallidos 0
Oh my good god. If you're going to rant at eachother about pointless things, don't do it on here where I have to read it. xP I had every right to shoot that damn dog. There was no way I could get into my house. It was pretty damn clear that he wouldn't be moving out of my yard any time soon. Yes, he growled, and barked, but my dogs were barking back. Yes, I knew he was about to attack, but with my knee, I couldn't get out of the way fast enough. About the cat - I ended up falling backwards, hitting my head, which somehow induced the seizure. Dx
cadillackitty 0
stay away from all animals! next I bet a bird is going so shit on your head and your going to get bird flu!