Today, I got married. My grandpa took me aside afterwards and said that the moment the ceremony was over, he heard my wife's vagina slam shut. "Welcome to marriage, sucker," he chuckled, "It's just you and Rosy Palm now!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I married the man of my dreams. At the after-party, my psycho grandma stood up, called for quiet, and engaged in a long rant about how this was "the beginning of the end" and advising everyone that the secret to a successful marriage is "cheating, plain and simple". FML
Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML
Today, I got married. When my father gave me away, in front of hundreds of people, to my groom, he said, "She's your problem now." FML
Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML
Today, I married the beautiful girl I’ve been in love with since we were both 6 years old. By married, I mean I performed the marriage ceremony as the vicar and watched her smile and kiss her arsehole boyfriend, now husband, right in front of me. FML
Today, during my wedding ceremony, the groom-to-be found it appropriate to blurt out about an ongoing affair with my maid of honor. They got married instead. FML
Today, I married the man of my dreams. While I was being driven to our wedding reception, I checked my Facebook. My husband had just updated his status to "Me and the bitch just got hitched." FML
Today, as I kissed my husband after our wedding vows, my mother-in-law muttered "Slut." loudly from the front row. Everyone heard her, but kept smiling and pretended to be oblivious. FML
Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my grandma, who's tried to ruin every relationship to date, stood up and shouted that "it ain't right", "you're too good for her", and claimed my fiancée has been cheating on me, before she was finally ejected from the building. FML
Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband decided it would be a good idea, when he was supposed to do his speech, to stand up and say, "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. Genitals. That is all." FML
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Top comments
MetalxSoldier 26
Tell your grandpa it's ok, you have the key.
PossiblyInDanger 24
Believe it or not, women enjoy sex too. Marriage doesn't mean no more sex.
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Comments (73)
jdibartolo1 12
welcome to my life brotha
NanoSounds 8
He heard her ****** close but what about her butt? Sorry I just...
nana_star 27
Well he's not wrong
Gyanzy321 3
Yes he is wrong. Marriage does not mean an end to sex. This is a stereotype. While stereotypes may have a grain of truth, overall they are wrong. For instance, I'm married and if my wife had her way, we'd be having sex 2 or 3 times a day. See comment #57
sagefitts 25
Your grandpa sounds awesome :)
Goblin182 27
Reminds me of that old joke. They have found a food that kills a woman's sex drive. Wedding cake.
chosha_fml 27
I'd rather that than my grandpa giving me tips based on his sex life with my grandma. Though the thought of him and 'Rosy Palm' isn't much better...
kalbrek009 20
Well, he's not too far off from the truth (in some cases). Give it a few months or even years & you'll understand what he meant. FYL
codyslong 12
This neither sucks or is great, you just have an awesome grandpa
LyraAlluse 25
'You shall not pass!' - Grandpa
Genea 8
I've been married 11 years, the sex is pardon the pun still bangin.