Today, I got married. My grandpa took me aside afterwards and said that the moment the ceremony was over, he heard my wife's vagina slam shut. "Welcome to marriage, sucker," he chuckled, "It's just you and Rosy Palm now!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I married the man of my dreams. At the after-party, my psycho grandma stood up, called for quiet, and engaged in a long rant about how this was "the beginning of the end" and advising everyone that the secret to a successful marriage is "cheating, plain and simple". FML
Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML
Today, I got married. When my father gave me away, in front of hundreds of people, to my groom, he said, "She's your problem now." FML
Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML
Today, I married the beautiful girl I’ve been in love with since we were both 6 years old. By married, I mean I performed the marriage ceremony as the vicar and watched her smile and kiss her arsehole boyfriend, now husband, right in front of me. FML
Today, during my wedding ceremony, the groom-to-be found it appropriate to blurt out about an ongoing affair with my maid of honor. They got married instead. FML
Today, I married the man of my dreams. While I was being driven to our wedding reception, I checked my Facebook. My husband had just updated his status to "Me and the bitch just got hitched." FML
Today, as I kissed my husband after our wedding vows, my mother-in-law muttered "Slut." loudly from the front row. Everyone heard her, but kept smiling and pretended to be oblivious. FML
Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my grandma, who's tried to ruin every relationship to date, stood up and shouted that "it ain't right", "you're too good for her", and claimed my fiancée has been cheating on me, before she was finally ejected from the building. FML
Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband decided it would be a good idea, when he was supposed to do his speech, to stand up and say, "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. Genitals. That is all." FML
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Top comments
MetalxSoldier 26
Tell your grandpa it's ok, you have the key.
PossiblyInDanger 24
Believe it or not, women enjoy sex too. Marriage doesn't mean no more sex.
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Comments (73)
c_wyld 21
Haha your grandpa sounds like a fun guy
swaglesshipster 23
Well okay then!
patrickalamo 48
Tell grandpa she has first right of refusal. If she refuses you will exercise your other option.
Vegetarian27 24
Which option is that? The option of imprisonment?
joeyl1990 28
Masturbation... masturbation is the other option. That should have been obvious based on what OP's grandpa said.
Daelynn_17 19
congratulations on your marriage. Annnd as a wife of almost 10 years now, may I say... gooood luck. Lol. your gonna need it. Lol Jk. but the fact that your grandpa still uses "Rosy Palm" haha to cute.
JohnTheDonJuan 11
I prefer "palmela handerson" but to each their own I suppose.
Zebediabolical 45
I preferred Palmela Handerson in her Baywatch days before the Hep C. Now it's all about Handjelina Jolie, Jennifer Handiston and when I'm in the mood for sex with an angry drugged up woman, Lindsey Lohand.
vikky538 29
your grandpa is hilarious...
sammybunny40 22
I think I just fell in love with your gramps :|
JokersHQ 21
Eh he was probably just joking! Sometimes the sense of humour of others isn't meant to offend! It's meant to entertain!
bdsmslave 18
Well, I guess you'll just have to keep a firm grip on the situation then.
youngindian 10
life's a bitch
buckdharma 38
When I tried to imagine a ****** slamming shut it made me think of teepees. Edit- Sorry youngindian. ^^