Today, I got married. My grandpa took me aside afterwards and said that the moment the ceremony was over, he heard my wife's vagina slam shut. "Welcome to marriage, sucker," he chuckled, "It's just you and Rosy Palm now!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I married the man of my dreams. At the after-party, my psycho grandma stood up, called for quiet, and engaged in a long rant about how this was "the beginning of the end" and advising everyone that the secret to a successful marriage is "cheating, plain and simple". FML
Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML
Today, I got married. When my father gave me away, in front of hundreds of people, to my groom, he said, "She's your problem now." FML
Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML
Today, I married the beautiful girl I’ve been in love with since we were both 6 years old. By married, I mean I performed the marriage ceremony as the vicar and watched her smile and kiss her arsehole boyfriend, now husband, right in front of me. FML
Today, during my wedding ceremony, the groom-to-be found it appropriate to blurt out about an ongoing affair with my maid of honor. They got married instead. FML
Today, I married the man of my dreams. While I was being driven to our wedding reception, I checked my Facebook. My husband had just updated his status to "Me and the bitch just got hitched." FML
Today, as I kissed my husband after our wedding vows, my mother-in-law muttered "Slut." loudly from the front row. Everyone heard her, but kept smiling and pretended to be oblivious. FML
Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my grandma, who's tried to ruin every relationship to date, stood up and shouted that "it ain't right", "you're too good for her", and claimed my fiancée has been cheating on me, before she was finally ejected from the building. FML
Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband decided it would be a good idea, when he was supposed to do his speech, to stand up and say, "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. Genitals. That is all." FML
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Top comments
MetalxSoldier 26
Tell your grandpa it's ok, you have the key.
PossiblyInDanger 24
Believe it or not, women enjoy sex too. Marriage doesn't mean no more sex.
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Comments (73)
teentee401 37
Men who think that sex ends after marriage are probably just doing to wrong.
doughdreads 7
That's hilarious. Your Grandfather is awesome.
Grey_Tempest 16
For many marriage means begging of sex... Especially really religious people.
valalvax 13
I think the belief comes from the fact that some women lose a lot of their sex drive after menopause, and for some it becomes painful due to dryness (and they haven't figured out how lube works)
countryb_cth 38
With the menopause thing lube doesn't work. It has to bed special lube or meds because its like the Sahara desert down there.
mistress_paz 30
It's creepy that your grandfather was even thinking about your wife's ******, much less said that noise out loud. I mean it's just a dumb joke, but pretty gross that he made it so personal.
zyoff 1
Hahahahahahaha
skyline0392 8
I love your grandpa
fuck_stick 4
You're grandpa is ****** awesome
AutisticAbyss 10
Mortey you know how your grandpa Rick is!
yerrkiddingme 2
he's right tho
Songstress 3
Married couples statistically have more sex than others, it's good when you've got a permanent, regular partner that you live with.