Today, I got junk punched by a midget in Sears for giving him "a funny look." I was trying to read the price of the fridge he was standing in front of. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got mugged by a midget. FML
Today, at work, a midget came in to buy beer. Not only was he almost as tall as me, he got offended when I had to card him and explain that the manager told me to card everyone, and that it wasn't because he was short. FML
Today, I was in the supermarket when I saw a little boy trying to reach for something on the top shelf. I went over to him and asked if his mom knew where he was. The boy turned around. He was actually a very angry midget. FML
Today, I was walking down the street to go to the movies, when I got punched in the back of the head. When I turned around, a stranger said, "HAHA! It's punch a random person day!" When I asked him why he chose me, he replied "You're ugly." FML
Today, I was in a store when a child looked at me and said to his mother "look at that tall man!" His mother replied "he's an evil giant isn't he, darling?" I then mimed being an evil giant to make the kid laugh. His mother slapped me. FML
Today, while I was standing in line at the store, some guy insulted the girl in front of me as he walked past. She turned around and socked me in the face. FML
Today, I got bitched out by some lady in a Walmart because I looked at her funny while she was on the phone, loudly bragging about "slapping the shit out of" her kids. FML
Today, I noticed a rather small man being harassed by a rather large man, so I tried to help out and break it up. The small guy punched me in the face and said, "Mind your business!" The large guy laughed and fist-bumped him. FML
Today, a customer threatened to smash my face in because I wouldn't give him a veteran's discount on a donut. He looked like he'd eaten his way out of fat camp, and it seemed the only action he'd seen was fighting his way into a lard factory. Still, he swung fast, and I now have a black eye. FML
Today, I fistbumped a cashier as they tried to hand me my change. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
StoryOfTheYear 15
Must've made a mini-fridge joke too, eh?
kickazz16 15
Run* major typoooo
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (155)
iphonegirl_fml 0
sue him! :0
glenzhao2 16
Maybe you were teabagging him unintentionally?
vadim14 3
it wasn't that big of a deal ;)
GlitteryMasakali 1
Instead of trying to see through him, you could've just kindly asked him to move aside. YDI
Keyman1212 14
You should have been the bigger man, and taken the high road. You should have made some small talk with him, and then looked at the price, because you wouldn't want it to be too high. Otherwise, he has to take the low road, and punch you in the balls, bringing you down to your knees, and lowering your self esteem.
SilentTreatment 7
SHORT Temper maybe??....
lexex1 4
48 - I love you.
theten_fml 9
Stick him in the freezer!
fatraptorjesus13 9
31 he's a midget he probably wasn't in the way of the price just the fridge but who knows
dre_bro11 12
Would have been funnier if he head butted you in the balls.
gojira666 7
If it was me, that would be the day a midget gets the ass kicking of a lifetime
ak7477 9
I think that midget might be a bit high on himself..
elite_stoner 0
that's why I avoid looking in their direction,
rallets 23
everything smells different to midgets in elevators
thatpreppyguy 0
Midgets are simply the absolute dirt of society...
idontcare8l 3
'sigh' if only they plugged them in
StoryOfTheYear 15
Must've made a mini-fridge joke too, eh?
FlipInBrosky 4
You know, regular people smell differently for midgets. Catch my drift?
ThreeSheetsGone 12
I have a few questions about midgets, such as: 1) Do gay midgets come out of the cupboard? 2) If a midget tells you your hair smells good, is it considered sexual harassment? 3) Would Dorothy have turned into a midget if she had followed the red-brick road? That would've made Wizard of Oz 10 times better, just sayin'.
junkboy 4
92 is now my new idol.
TheresNoEffingwa 7
Feisty little bastards
kickazz16 15
I'd make him cum
kickazz16 15
Run* major typoooo
StoryOfTheYear 15
LOL.
SnowFlakeInAK 7
LMFAO Nice save,but it IS hilarious!
YdoIhaveAchode 4
Omg, I laughed so hard.
E_ve 9
LMFAO!! oh my god, that was priceless!
enonymous 9
I was wondering why I got a private message saying she'd make me run
heyred 11
Damn you autocorrect!!
krazy_glu3 0
Maybe youll make him do both?
MerrikBarbarian 9
I just snorted tea out my nose when I read that. lol auto correct fails!
vadim14 3
was it a mini fridge?
StoryOfTheYear 15
Glad I could give you an idea for a post, sir.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Apologies for making a joke. It won't happen again.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Also, it was a good full minute after I posted that his post was made. My comment should be blatantly in plain view for that time. I think that's a good amount of time to see it. He probably did come up with it independently, but it's still a repost.
enonymous 9
Was it a mini fridge?
StoryOfTheYear 15
I'm thoroughly confused by your comment(s). My "joke" is comment #26. Also, I was one of the first to post on the FML and I had not seen his show up for a full minute or so, hence the reason I said "a goof full minute". What makes you think I have a superiority complex?
junkboy 4
pendatik - Mind ******* people since... whenever he joined.
enonymous 9
93 - and... How does that make you feel?
mynameis1339 0
Wow you guys are looking way to much into this
vadim14 3
yeah if you look at post 14 you'll see I made another joke and posted that somebody beat me to the first one ;/. trust me bud I wouldn't repost a joke as my own a second after reading it. Vadim doesn't sound like Carlos mencia now does it?
StoryOfTheYear 15
I'm not getting the part where you say comments don't show up in that time, because they show up quite fast on the FML app. I do however admit that I was indeed being a dick and way defending myself in a battle that was clearly lost at the start. I should not have done that or even posted my first comment on this thread. I do have an ego at times because I believe if you don't believe in yourself nobody else is really given a reason to do the same. I often let that get out of hand like I did. I'm not perfect. I wish I was, but I'm not. Sorry for my behavior.
CheshireHalli 19
SOTY, not everyone has the app, so they have to refresh the page.
Midrash 5
Shit happens bro
StoryOfTheYear 15
I'll "back" you on that one.
dreamering 16
"touchdown"
sarinasusu 2
haha sucks
95powerstroke 0
Hey
Zombielanddd 7
Nut up or shut up
ILoveEggnog 7
I hear stories of angry midgets far more frequently than happy midgets. Granted, angry midgets are hilarious.
marpay 11
I'd be angry to if my face was at crotch level for everyone else. Think of the things they've seen and smells they've smelled.
EnEl_Infierno 15
21 wow, nice way of seeing it from the other side of the fence their.
ragzy 7
I know midgets and dwarves are different, but statistically speaking only one in seven dwarves are happy. May just be a little people thing..
nachos99 0
The technical term is dwarf and midget is slang so Snooki isn't a midget she is a dwarf.
ragzy 7
Cheers 123, I thought a dwarf was a small person with bigger heads and smaller limbs while a midget was smaller but same proportions. I wasn't sure though.
summerkop 7
Short man syndrome Lmfao(:
PRiMARELYiNSANE 0
cant a guy look at a fridge without getting punched in the sack for once? T___T
JakeLee 6
powerful tiny fists...
enonymous 9
It's buy one get one half off now
StoryOfTheYear 15
Most are just a flat 25% off the top.
EnEl_Infierno 15
Sorry SOTY but that one just went right over my head -_-
Ha1r1nY0S0up 15
Little guy with a big attitude :/