Today, I realized that I've been a member of eHarmony for almost a year. No one has ever contacted me out of the 134 people I've been "scientifically" matched with. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I re-joined a popular on-line dating service. I'd first signed up 3 years ago and was matched with a wonderful woman. After about a year, she broke up with me. I was devastated. After two years of trying to win her back, I'd decided it's best just to move on. Guess who they matched me with? FML
Today, I finally matched with someone on Tinder after using it for a month. I sent a message and they unmatched. FML
Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML
Today, I completed the arduous, nearly hour-long process of answering the eHarmony dating questionnaire, only to be told my answers were too "unique" for them to match me with anyone. I had chosen "the world" as my distance range. FML
Today, I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML
Today, at a time when dating app usage is at an all time high, in 3 months I've only managed 4 likes and one brief match on Bumble. I'm not terrible looking by any means, yet I'm weeks away from my 8-year anniversary of being single. Am I cursed or something? FML
Today, it's not enough that men IRL tell me to smile, now the dating apps have OK'd this and decided it's fine to send me email with a stock phrase saying, "[Match's name] wants to see you smile back!" Online dating is the bane of my existence but also my best bet for not being single forever. Curse you, eHarmony. FML
Today, I got an email notification from Yahoo! Personals: "Hi, we've found 0 new matches for you". FML
Today, I signed up for an online dating service, a couple of days after my divorce. I got my first batch of matches, and number one was a smiling picture of the woman who had just divorced my ass after 20+ years together. Her profile shows she has to have been active there for months. FML
Today, I joined a dating website for the first time in 12 years and spent an hour carefully crafting my profile. Ten minutes after posting, my sibling texted me screenshots. I’d linked my profile to Facebook, where my bio appeared under my real name for half my extended family. Aunt Linda left a heart reaction. FML
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Top comments
coopcas 0
eHarmony is full of bigots, anyhow. Go out more, you're wasting your money. They don't even accept gays, the bastards.
24788 7
Why don't you try contacting them?
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Comments (131)
tky405 0
haha its okay
accepted850 9
Ehh
katelyns 0
That's cute
summerguy97 16
How?
elliebutton 0
LOL.
Chowi_fml 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You must be extremely unattractive then.
redbluegreen 41
Maybe you're one of those unfortunate ugly people? Mommy always told me looks don't matter, but she lied. eHarmony isn't that great anyway.
24788 7
Why don't you try contacting them?
coopcas 0
eHarmony is full of bigots, anyhow. Go out more, you're wasting your money. They don't even accept gays, the bastards.
Naheelawhatwhat 0
You must be ugly as **** or maybe you don't have that much going on in your life or both?? Ever think about contacting them? That's also a possibility. Maybe you might actually get somewhere instead of expecting others to contact you....either that or you could try meeting people in real life and see how that goes...
maxson_fml 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
WHOA Where's the "FML"?
Dean84 0
Why don't you go out and meet somone instead of hiding behind a computer. You deserve to not have anyone if you can't meet them yourself.