Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I thought I would surprise my dad by mowing our entire two acre lawn. When he got home, instead of being grateful like I had hoped, he yelled at me for cutting in vertical lines instead of horizontal. FML
Today, wanting to do something nice for my dad, I mowed the lawn. He grounded me for "emasculating" him. FML
Today, my dad was supposed to come see me for our twice-a-year visit. He was 3 hours late. So I called, and asked him why he was late. He said, "Oh, something came up." I asked him what was so important. Apparently, the garage needed cleaning. FML
Today, my father bought a riding lawn mower. We don't have a lawn. FML
Today, one of the kids in my neighborhood told me he would mow my lawn for 10 bucks. After a few minutes, I heard the mower stop. He had mowed a penis into my front yard then run away. FML
Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML
Today, my dad decided to be an awesome person and fold my laundry without telling me. Later, I heard my parents having a conversation about a pair of panties that were "like dental floss" and which sister they belonged to. FML
Today, I was vacuuming our house because I wanted to help my parents. I wore a headset while listening to REALLY loud music. The vacuuming job took me two hours and when I took of my headset I noticed that I hadn't started the vacuum cleaner. FML
Today, I left my phone outside on the grass while I went inside to get a drink. I didn't expect my dad to run over it with the lawn mower. FML
Today, I saw my neighbor's son mowing their lawn when suddenly he started to do this crazy dance. Chuckling at his antics, I waved and walked back into my house. His mom called me from a hospital later to ask if I could put the mower away; he had been attacked by bees. FML
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Top comments
FUUUandyourmom 16
Was he drunk?
Poetaster 10
Daddy needs some therapy
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Comments (167)
saIty 17
The garden gnomes told him to, because they said they'll kill his family if he didn't.
rattusrattus 19
One should not submit to the gnomes! They will only increase their demands if you do! Instead, form an alliance with the plastic lawn flamingos and achieve glorious victory!
ThatGuyRory 9
The Flamingos are Communists. Don't listen to them!
geon_olam 17
But plastic lawn flamingos are inanimate...?
rattusrattus 19
... Really? Hmm. I may have to interrogate my friend about her brownie recipe...
sailoroftheseas 7
vacuuming the lawn is boss
sailoroftheseas 7
Sorry, I didn't even see that other guys comment until after I had posted this, so don't accuse me until you get your facts straight.
whitegurl84 2
I think you may need to commit him to the psycho ward!
Gewoon_Miriam 0
maybe he haves brain damage? I would consider to see a doctor!
ughfuck1234 0
Me fail English? That's unpossible!
crazychicalauren 3
I'm sorry but your dad seems cool ! :D my dad acts all high when he on slipping pills perhaps its something related
zombicidal 11
its not acting high if you're high
abbybailey204 19
Just assume he was drunk and walk away
tayza249 20
oh well that's perfectly sane then. just as long as he wasn't mowing it
Pinkilishes 5
was he sleep-vacuuming?
icxiibunnie 14
Lol your dad must have had one too many drinks :P
kristat 14
Uh oh... That may be you in thirty years.