Today, I got a phone call from my 6-year-old son's school telling me they were concerned about him as he wouldn't stop barking at the radiator. After talking to my husband about it, I found out he's been teaching him so he could see the look on my face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got to take my 10-year-old son to the junior high school at which I teach. When my students questioned him about what I was like at home, he told the entire class: "Well, she farts all the time." FML
Today, I found out why my bathroom has been smelling so bad. My 10-year-old son has been peeing on the radiator, thinking it's fun to watch it steam and sizzle. FML
Today, I got an angry call from my 7-year-old son's school. It turned out that while doing a "what I want to be when I'm older" assignment, he wrote that he wants to be an internet troll so he can make people mad and make them kill themselves. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I came home to find a window broken and my neighbours searching inside my house. Apparently, they'd heard a small child asking for help inside my house. I recently taught my dog to "talk." FML
Today, I called my seven-year old son to help me with the ice-maker on the fridge because it wasn't working. Without even pausing, he turned the child lock off and started laughing at me. FML
Today, I grounded my son after finding out that he's been bullying other kids at school. He got mad and screamed at me, calling me a "bastard". Instead of defending me, my wife got pissed and accused me of having taught our son to swear like that. I can never win. FML
Today, I took my 2-year-old son to the ear doctor, since he'd stopped responding whenever I call him. The doctor told me that his ears are just fine. He's just ignoring me. FML
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal. My son had pooped in the schoolyard, then gave the teacher a Ziploc bag, and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML
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Top comments
XKXKKXK 10
He always told you he just wanted a dog. Now look what he's done.
CrewBoy 10
Well, I guess it's time to get him neutered.
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Comments (52)
hamrtym 15
And I bet it was priceless!
perdix 31
I hope the look on your face was exceptionally entertaining, because your kid's going to be placed in therapy for years and pigeonholed as emotionally disturbed, maybe even psychotic. Your asshole husband should have stuck to pranks that don't ruin you kid's life. Whoopee cushion, anyone?
flockz 20
i have a wall of shredded whoopee cushions. the bastards never learn my seat can never be taken. i love hearing the last ounces of air escape from their tiny lung as the curvature of my ass crushes them. my therapist just doesn't understand me. neither does society. but i will not stop until i kill them all.
zenshu_fml 3
I really hope that you don't seriously believe that a 6 year old acting like a dog is going to have him institutionalized and make him mentally deficient... If so you really need to come out of your protective bubble and join the real world.
beacbum7 7
Nevermind
bimonthly 4
hmm I think I would rather pretend like it came out of nowhere... As opposed to telling anyone that's what my husband does on his free time.
st333ph 12
Your husband is a genius!
zen1979 16
I agree. This would be soooooo funny :)
Kallian_fml 21
Congratulations OP! Now you've got that puppy you always wanted.
Pipiriche 1
My fiance wants to teach our kid to say moo instead of ow or ouch
TheLittlePug 3
Your husband must be barking mad. Why not get a real dog? :)
mpalmiter 0
I'm jealous I didn't think of it when my kids were small. Freaking hilarious!
HarpoKeane 13
Shoot the bastard now before you have any more dogs, sorry children