Today, I got a phone call from my 6-year-old son's school telling me they were concerned about him as he wouldn't stop barking at the radiator. After talking to my husband about it, I found out he's been teaching him so he could see the look on my face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got to take my 10-year-old son to the junior high school at which I teach. When my students questioned him about what I was like at home, he told the entire class: "Well, she farts all the time." FML
Today, I found out why my bathroom has been smelling so bad. My 10-year-old son has been peeing on the radiator, thinking it's fun to watch it steam and sizzle. FML
Today, I got an angry call from my 7-year-old son's school. It turned out that while doing a "what I want to be when I'm older" assignment, he wrote that he wants to be an internet troll so he can make people mad and make them kill themselves. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I came home to find a window broken and my neighbours searching inside my house. Apparently, they'd heard a small child asking for help inside my house. I recently taught my dog to "talk." FML
Today, I called my seven-year old son to help me with the ice-maker on the fridge because it wasn't working. Without even pausing, he turned the child lock off and started laughing at me. FML
Today, I grounded my son after finding out that he's been bullying other kids at school. He got mad and screamed at me, calling me a "bastard". Instead of defending me, my wife got pissed and accused me of having taught our son to swear like that. I can never win. FML
Today, I took my 2-year-old son to the ear doctor, since he'd stopped responding whenever I call him. The doctor told me that his ears are just fine. He's just ignoring me. FML
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal. My son had pooped in the schoolyard, then gave the teacher a Ziploc bag, and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML
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Top comments
XKXKKXK 10
He always told you he just wanted a dog. Now look what he's done.
CrewBoy 10
Well, I guess it's time to get him neutered.
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Comments (52)
buckdharma 38
your husband is not very smart. not only will he have to take him on long walks but he will have to take bags along to clean up his mess. now #23 has a genius. no more cutting the grass along with all the money he will save on milk.
tisvana20 6
Hah. I did the same thing, only it was at myself in a mirror. Sad and lonely kids are we.
christianallen_ 0
You sir, have a bitch as a wife.
jregier89 7
Your husband is a deadbeat!
fordguy302 6
that's a ruff one u got there
zenshu_fml 3
I am not sure you know what the word deadbeat means... Obviously if he was around to teach the kid to do this then be isn't an absentee deadbeat dad and there is no information in this fml to suggests guy has no job or anything like that.
PurpleKicks 22
your husband sounds awesome, I want him as a friend! : D
EdgeofInsanity 3
I've never had a single shot or any medicine in my life, I was born at home and I am very healthy. Proves everyone's ridiculous fears and worries about not vaccinating wrong.
P1Nk13 7
wrong fml
PedroTall 0
Relax... It proves your son can learn AND you husband has patience! No learning disabilities in your family. ( other than you've learned not to rush into marriage ) Perhaps at least a 4 to 5 year engagement next time?
sugoine 12
Tell the school it was your husbands fault-that way, YOU get sympathy from the school. And ask your hubby if he needs a time out to think about what he's done.
Why_Not31 12
My Dad thought it would be funny to train us kids to 'jump up and attack' when he rang a bell we had in the backyard. What we did was closer to 'jump up and tackle Daddy, then run around a lot, barking,' but the recess monitor whose job it was to ring the recess bell, was not amused. And neither was my mother, when she found out.