Today, I was working the register at a local grocery store. A kid about 5 years old was having trouble zipping his jacket. I reached out to help him and he started screaming "No bad touch bad touch!" and kicked me in the knee. Everyone looked. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, a child was choking in the store I work at. He was alone in the aisle, so I started the Heimlich without his parents' permission. After dislodging what was caught, his mother turned the corner and went screaming to my manager for touching her kid. I got a write up. FML
Today, I was in a shopping centre when a little girl was running up and down the aisles. She started to fall over so I put my hand out to catch her. Her mother then ran up to me and screamed about me 'touching her child' so loud that everyone could hear. FML
Today, walking home from work, I saw a little boy crying, so I crouched down to his eye level. I asked him what was wrong, his reply was to kick me in the groin. FML
Today, while at the mall, a kid no older than 5 pushed a stroller into my heel, which caught the back of my shoe and caused me to face-plant the floor in the middle of a very crowded department store. I didn't even get an apology. FML
Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML
Today, I was at work as a grocery store cashier. I felt a hand slap my ass. Turning around I saw an old man winking at me and I screamed. When my manager came to deal with the problem she didn't believe me and gave the man a $25 gift card for "the trouble" I caused. FML
Today, while shopping, my six-year-old son threw a tantrum because I wouldn't buy him a video game. I ended up having to grab his arm and leave the store. He screamed that I was kidnapping him, at which point I was socked in the face and pinned to the floor by three bystanders. FML
Today, at my job working retail, I had just finished cleaning and straightening a whole aisle. This kid watched me do the whole thing. When I was done, he stuck his arm out, and ran it down the whole shelf, knocking everything off it. His mother just grabbed his hand and walked away. FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Hannah_fml 0
Kids seem to like me, maybe because I am shorter than most adults. But I ALWAYS ask them if they need help first. Once I was skiing and there was this small 5 yr old kid and he was 'stuck' on a flat part without poles, so I asked him if he would like help, and he said yes, so I pulled him along (he grabbed onto my pole) the flat section. People often go up to dogs and just pet them, dogs attack, and the dog gets euthanized...
Mr_Serious 6
people need to teach their kids what the hell that stuff actually means... i probably would've shit-stomped that little prick...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (43)
greenman_fml 0
it would have been glorious if you started singing "You and me baby ain't nothin but mammals so let's do it like they do on the Discovery channel"
justmaddi 3
haha bloodhoung gang = epic
MikeyyyyLover 0
omg I was thinking the same thing
Mr_Serious 6
people need to teach their kids what the hell that stuff actually means... i probably would've shit-stomped that little prick...
KB503 15
Or she could've asked for his permission.
NorfolkDude 2
That kid is well trained. I'm surprised he didn't kicked you in the face. You should be glad he did that. I think you deserved this one though, sorry to say. Next time ask. You just don't "zip" someone unless you'd be wanting a smacking.
PurpleLightsaber 4
*kick
jorgeq161 4
That's just stupid.
Hannah_fml 0
Kids seem to like me, maybe because I am shorter than most adults. But I ALWAYS ask them if they need help first. Once I was skiing and there was this small 5 yr old kid and he was 'stuck' on a flat part without poles, so I asked him if he would like help, and he said yes, so I pulled him along (he grabbed onto my pole) the flat section. People often go up to dogs and just pet them, dogs attack, and the dog gets euthanized...
Purplexus 14
Aw this is actually the funniest thing I've seen all day the comment is so serious and then you're just like 'hehe' i like you
Seegtease 0
#2, the kid is not a brat, just trained. OP, considerate of you to help, sucks. Hope the spectators put 2 and 2 together and figured out what you were really trying to do. Good thing you're a girl, too.
zachattack 0
Thank goodness you're not in freakin' jail.
zidane312 0
lol, i woulda kicked the shit outta that kid if he said that to me. But only if nobody was looking lol
elguapo_fml 0
seriously, don't be touching little kids that don't belong to you. it's that simple... you deserve to look like a pedophile if you behave like one
arms_akimbo 0
It's nice you wanna help people but don't touch kids. Seriously. In this day and age, don't even bother. Everyone's a paranoid freak.
Expat47 0
Ah, see, Big Brother's Paranoia Lessons are starting to take hold. Don't believe me? When's the last time you heard some "good news" from the big stations?