Today, I got a call from a man yelling and cursing at me, calling me a "selfish no-life asshole" for getting his "baby girl" pregnant. I'm 29 and she is 27 and we have been married for 3 years. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband admitted to getting his side chick (who I didn't know about) pregnant. If that wasn't bad enough, he actually had the nerve to call me a "selfish bitch" for wanting a divorce and refusing to help raise the kid once it's born. FML
Today, my mother came into my workplace to wail on me for "ruining our family's reputation" because I got a girl pregnant. I've been married to the "girl" for 8 years. FML
Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML
Today, my mother-in-law screamed at the top of her lungs in front of our friends and family that I was stealing her baby away from her. I'd only suggested we go home because he had a migraine. Her baby is 24 years-old and has been married to me for a year. FML
Today, this guy I've been dating for a few months freaked out and called his mom crying, because I told him I might be pregnant with his baby. He is 27. I haven't even taken a pregnancy test yet. FML
Today, I found out the boyfriend of 2 years is actually 22 years-old instead of the 28 that he told me. I'm turning 39 this year and I'm very pregnant. FML
Today, I told my parents I was pregnant. They yelled at me until I started crying. I'm 31, married, and I have a good paying job. FML
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, at Walmart, a crazy old woman bitched me out for being pregnant. She kept following me around, calling me a stupid teen slut and saying she hoped my baby died so I could live a "normal life." I'm 26 and just very short. FML
Today, I called my ex boyfriend to tell him that not only am I still in love with him, I'm also three months pregnant with his child. Upon hearing the news, he swore, called me a pathetic liar, swore some more, and hung up on me. FML
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Top comments
Fx13mz 7
Name the baby after him. Then it's all good.
TheRealHouse 7
Just apologize and explain that you usually cum on her face but you decided to try something different. He will understand.
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Comments (156)
Fx13mz 7
Name the baby after him. Then it's all good.
courtneyward 1
maybe it wasn't your wife's father
dolphincheddar 10
somebody needs a ridlin prescription
KaintukeeBob 13
He'd love having his granddaughter named 'Frank'. Or 'Fred'. Or 'Josh'. Sorry, doesn't work in 50% of cases, unless the Father-in-Law has a gender-neutral name. Also, OP, you mean you didn't marry your wife with the intention of staying celibate and having long, deep conversations? Shame, young man, shame!
tynickd 0
shes a good one pops
TheRealHouse 7
Just apologize and explain that you usually cum on her face but you decided to try something different. He will understand.
Roughmeister 0
Or name the baby after yourself. That'll teach him.
sandi315 0
22 you just failed it's Ritalin, and for you not knowing that ur prob 9
dolphincheddar 10
yes I'm 9 years old and therefore I care oh so much I made a spelling mistake. here, have a nice, warm glass of shut the **** up :)
yourlifeisbetter_fml 0
Do all 9 year olds talk like this nowadays? I need to get with the program...
whyXD 13
Tell him that the baby doesn't need to know of one grandparent's existence.
baddud300 6
Just ask the baby what it wants to be named. and the 1st thing it says name it that.
daisyloo 7
Then it will be named Crying?
rebornbabe 0
it will probably be named mama or dada then^^
Dirgel 4
Should have told him " Well it took me a few years to find the right hole. Sorry gramps.
uptownbabe 0
100 mama or dada are not always a kids first words. I have a friend whose first word was baby.
gabestar 4
yeah, okay how about if their baby turned out to be a girl, would you name it after him?
GAMaeishere 0
Unfortunatly, A LOT of nine year olds speak this way...
ImmortalKratos 0
I don't think Cletus would be a very nice name for the kid tho
zuzupetalsYO 11
"wrong number." *click
TheBoss47_fml 3
yep
whitesox365 0
lets all list our first words! woohoo!
da_cookie_monsta 1
77, no, it won't be named Crying. It'll be named WWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
catatonicsleep 17
I know of someone who let their kid pick their own name... they had to pick age 3 so they could be registered for kindergarten... their name is peekaboo, the child's favorite game which she decided to name herself after...
NicNax007 0
everyone knows that story... you don't know the person! I think she's an actress or something... her name is peekaboo street
NicNax007 0
everyone knows that story... you don't know the person! I think she's an actress or something... her name is peekaboo street
iBiteRoses 22
They said "know OF," not "know"
kay71095 9
40- you failed, 'ur' is really spelt 'you're' and 'prob' is really spelt 'probably'
iamananglophile 18
135, 137 - Her name is actually Picabo Street, and her parents named her after a village in Idaho.
DoomSkuller 28
Eh, I think Josh could make a decent name for a female, and Frank just gets made into Frankie
nikijcchz 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
wow
cgchamp89 7
Wow
dolphincheddar 10
world of Warcraft?
cgchamp89 7
No, that's WoW.
dolphincheddar 10
ahh. carry on then
imosim 0
ha just noticed a pattern in your comments first no capitals wow then first letter Wow then last woW and then both WoW trololol
cgchamp89 7
WOW
HowAreYouToday 34
your explanation is worse than my teacher's explanation on how not to do activities before hw
imosim 0
agh I thought it was cool :P
dolphincheddar 10
42. I would like to hear this explanation :)
HowAreYouToday 34
he started out saying that hw HAS to come first and explained how recitals and social events are unnecessary. that same day, he forgot his notes because, he had said, he went to his friend's birthday party and they just slipped his mind
HowAreYouToday 34
to make matters worse, he taught our drama class. so that day we had no skits, and we got lectured that drama isn't important...
imosim 0
some teacher...
StreetBikeGuy86 0
that sux bro
ImaWiseGuy 5
you refer to your father in law as some man, no wonder he doesn't like you...
alpaquette91 9
no no no he is talking about his other daughter, the 13 year old one
goshpeople 4
Some people don't meet one or both of their parents-in-law due to various circumstances like divorce and rifts in the family. Could've been a wrong number, too. Or his wife is cheating on him with a guy who doesn't know she's married, and just found out some "scumbag" got his "girlfriend" pregnant.
alpaquette91 9
don't read so much into it ....
edogy 0
OP, you didn't know this was your father in-law?
edogy 0
OP, you didn't know this was your father in-law?
alpaquette91 9
yes... yes he did .... read more into it LOL
edogy 0
lol fail on my part. sorry every one!
geekpowerwtf 0
he will be such a good grandpa!
goshpeople 4
At first I read it as "selfish, pro-life asshole", so I got the impression that he didn't want to become a grandpa. Struck me as funny. I was disappointed when I read the FML again.
lajaynay 15
Never tell him anything about the kid and threaten to never let him see him/her.
MaximilianMarche 0
midland tx?
suprmidgt 0
yeah that sounds like something a girl would say.
deefan101 11
wt the hell is that mean?! sexist much?!
ThreeSheetsGone 12
27- Better than Plainview, Georgetown, or Temple.
Prankster7o7 5
Austin is way worse than Georgetown, Temple, Midland, and Plainview put together.
small_bar_101 0
Yeah thats probably not a good way to get her dad to trust him..
MaximilianMarche 0
midland tx?
mk58 31
Should have hung up on the dumbass.
sgtbaker 0
yes and told him to go to hell
jloldude 0
no cursing ass head!!!!
FUUUandyourmom 16
"Wrong number."
22cute 17
He's just creepy-weird!
DjeePee 25
Hmm, I have a slight feeling that he doesn't like you as his son-in-law.
Jake_2013 0
Look! Its a bird.. Its a plane..!. no! It's CAP'N OBVIOUS!!!
je_suis_fml 11
108- Sooo you're not familiar with sarcasm, eh?
Cryingraven 1
I was gonna press Thumbs Up... But was too immature to press it.
marinus_fml 20
Knock his wife up next time
bigbadtim 7
That would be interesting. if he did that the kid would be his child, his wife's sibling, and his in-law. Also after all the divorces get finalized, if he married his wife's mom then he would be his ex's dad and grandfather to his own child. Not too confusing.
kaykay9080 5
I w0uld~
Aubrecht 0
Hahaha This is how families end up on Maury
TheMasticater 9
Don't let the kids visit their grandparents house xD
bamxitsxandreaa 8
^^ true..one of the easiest ways to get his respect back if he really did wanna see the kid..lol.
nanner6206 24
Or be the bigger man and act mature. surely, he'll come around eventually.
teddydunn 1
At least it was over the phone. Had it happened in person, you might have ended up with some awful looking bruises as well.