Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asked, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouted, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while cleaning the hostel, I had to make some beds in a dorm room. There were three guys in the room, one of whom was sitting on a bed. He looked me straight in the eye and I gave him a big smile before I realized he was jerking off. FML
Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, my parents were helping me construct my bed. We ended up not having enough screws to properly secure the frame. My dad mentioned that it might cause problems if I got a girl into my bed. My mom said, "Don't worry about it, we all know that's not going to happen." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex in a rarely used room at school. We got carried away and found ourselves locked in. We slept there overnight. We woke up when the cleaning lady found us the next morning and were greeted by worried parents and school staff. FML
Today, I met the guy who will be my dorm roommate for the fall semester. One of the first things he said was, "By the way, I'm into self-massage, so don't get weirded out if you hear noises coming from my room a lot." Great. FML
Today, I went to bed with three hot, half-naked girls beneath me. I was in the bunk above. Alone. FML
Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML
Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML
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Top comments
bipolarchipmunk 0
you should have said "**** you bitch, I'm right handed!"
ohhboyy 0
slap him in the face with ur left hand see how he likes it
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Comments (146)
wallythedolly 0
That girl is a little bitch, but all high schoolers are.
may_cause_fail 0
High schoolers are dicks. Trust me. :] But you should have told them that only ****** have threesomes. :D
meggles315 0
Haha tough crowd, sorry to hear that
Gringo_fml 0
Should asked them if they wanted to be the first to have a threesome with you THEN it would be a REAL FML
ZiggyMorrison 0
nononono you guys have it all wrong you should been like "well actually I use my left hand to fingerbang your mother my right hand to stroke my own rocket"
hk_fml 9
ahahahahahaha xD I agree with 36. A mother come back would've been appropriate
HeyyyBrahhh 0
Aww! Hahahaha.
flask_fml 0
So, no parents on this tour?
NickTick 0
My hand's kind of a **** actually, always wanting some. Jeez, it won't give me a break. So needy!! It always wants to cuddle afterwards...
Droo13 0
http://ihatesue.com/?id=aqwn7mf1c7mdz0nt06vqussflga75d