Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asked, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouted, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while cleaning the hostel, I had to make some beds in a dorm room. There were three guys in the room, one of whom was sitting on a bed. He looked me straight in the eye and I gave him a big smile before I realized he was jerking off. FML
Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, my parents were helping me construct my bed. We ended up not having enough screws to properly secure the frame. My dad mentioned that it might cause problems if I got a girl into my bed. My mom said, "Don't worry about it, we all know that's not going to happen." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex in a rarely used room at school. We got carried away and found ourselves locked in. We slept there overnight. We woke up when the cleaning lady found us the next morning and were greeted by worried parents and school staff. FML
Today, I met the guy who will be my dorm roommate for the fall semester. One of the first things he said was, "By the way, I'm into self-massage, so don't get weirded out if you hear noises coming from my room a lot." Great. FML
Today, I went to bed with three hot, half-naked girls beneath me. I was in the bunk above. Alone. FML
Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML
Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML
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Top comments
bipolarchipmunk 0
you should have said "**** you bitch, I'm right handed!"
ohhboyy 0
slap him in the face with ur left hand see how he likes it
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Comments (146)
mat2010 0
Ok so I am a campus tour guide and I can not imagine something like this ever happening. I have gotten really dumb questions, but no kids are going to ask about that stuff or say that in front of their parents and in front of a whole group of people. ESPECIALLY when they are touring a potential school. Pretty dumb. However, if this did happen, my response would be a little chuckle and then continuing on with what I was talking about. (Plus, at my school, there are special residence hall tour guides so they would have to deal with it :) )
MTL_er 0
Yeah I agree, you could've said a number of things to shut him the F*** up. Ah well next time.
lizziebugg92 0
&thats when you lock them in the room with the fat bi dude/chick!!!!
ashleyy_fml 0
#1 and #3 ftw, definitely. Hahahahah. What a little bitch though!
Stateoflimbo 0
Hahah High school is lame...But it’s alright, Karma will get her when she falls off the bed getting Eifel towered. Then you can bust into her room and be all like, "Take it biiiiaaaatch."
Why_Me77 0
Sometimes hand action is much better than throwing a hot dog down a hallway.
rjz_fml 0
HAVE NO FEAR....I WAS JUST MODERATING ON FML AND THE GIRL WHO SAID THAT WAS ON FML AND SAW UR POST...SHE DIDNT MEAN IT AND SAID IT WAS JUST A JOKE...SHE DIDNT LAUGH WHEN SHE SAW UR POST EITHER
rjz_fml 0
BTW HERE IS THE POST: Today, I was on here reading some of the posts. I started from the top. The first one was about a girl who said (to her college tour guide) that he doesn't "get any action with anything other then his left hand." Normally, I would have laughed, but I was the girl. It was meant as a joke. FML On 03/23/2009 at 8:42pm - miscellaneous
bipolarchipmunk 0
#88/89....that would be a huuuuuuuuuuge coincidence if that were actually true. I dunno if I believe that....
Ajaxxx 4
awesome #1 ,but the best response would have been "I'm not sure about these beds but your mothers bed could hold more than a threesome."