Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asked, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouted, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while cleaning the hostel, I had to make some beds in a dorm room. There were three guys in the room, one of whom was sitting on a bed. He looked me straight in the eye and I gave him a big smile before I realized he was jerking off. FML
Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, my parents were helping me construct my bed. We ended up not having enough screws to properly secure the frame. My dad mentioned that it might cause problems if I got a girl into my bed. My mom said, "Don't worry about it, we all know that's not going to happen." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex in a rarely used room at school. We got carried away and found ourselves locked in. We slept there overnight. We woke up when the cleaning lady found us the next morning and were greeted by worried parents and school staff. FML
Today, I met the guy who will be my dorm roommate for the fall semester. One of the first things he said was, "By the way, I'm into self-massage, so don't get weirded out if you hear noises coming from my room a lot." Great. FML
Today, I went to bed with three hot, half-naked girls beneath me. I was in the bunk above. Alone. FML
Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML
Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML
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Top comments
bipolarchipmunk 0
you should have said "**** you bitch, I'm right handed!"
ohhboyy 0
slap him in the face with ur left hand see how he likes it
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Comments (146)
maiden_girl 5
LMFAO @ #1! Hahaha!
Tri_fml 5
#91 wins the thread. Hope #89 is true, even if it is incredibly unlikely :P
latuka 0
i can't stand it when people write in all caps. i seriously doubt #89 but it probably makes the OP feel better if he believes it I were there, i woulda done exactly what someone said a bit earlier, gone up and made out with you, and let the girl bite her ****** lip.
ZiggyMorrison 0
actually the other thing you could have said was "They are sturdy enough for threesomes why just last night me your mother and your boyfriend were having sex on one of them"
Why_Me77 0
Of course you use your hands...there's nothing wrong with that. Getting too much action from something else may lead to a reputable status and be known as "the clapper".. like her I'm pretty sure XD haha.
thekreeperkeeper 0
#1
Tickle_Me_Kiki 0
Don't let assholes get you down! At least your not an amputee and have hands!!!!!
Jokermon 0
bahahahahahah #1, dats wot i thot, but wen i read the last line; "She's right", i fell out of ma chair laffin!
lol_everyday 0
#1 = WIN! hahahaha there are so many other good comments too.
xx_hayleyy 0
you should probably work on that. ...SOOOOON!