Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asked, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouted, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while cleaning the hostel, I had to make some beds in a dorm room. There were three guys in the room, one of whom was sitting on a bed. He looked me straight in the eye and I gave him a big smile before I realized he was jerking off. FML
Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, my parents were helping me construct my bed. We ended up not having enough screws to properly secure the frame. My dad mentioned that it might cause problems if I got a girl into my bed. My mom said, "Don't worry about it, we all know that's not going to happen." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex in a rarely used room at school. We got carried away and found ourselves locked in. We slept there overnight. We woke up when the cleaning lady found us the next morning and were greeted by worried parents and school staff. FML
Today, I met the guy who will be my dorm roommate for the fall semester. One of the first things he said was, "By the way, I'm into self-massage, so don't get weirded out if you hear noises coming from my room a lot." Great. FML
Today, I went to bed with three hot, half-naked girls beneath me. I was in the bunk above. Alone. FML
Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML
Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML
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Top comments
bipolarchipmunk 0
you should have said "**** you bitch, I'm right handed!"
ohhboyy 0
slap him in the face with ur left hand see how he likes it
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Comments (146)
7_fml 0
Did you show, that you use your right hand more than the left one?
wowfmlife 0
haha well those kids are pretty rude...
uhnonnuhmus 0
"Well, actually, I'm ambidextrous..." would've been a great response. That's what my older brother says. This one is hilarious, though, and is a great example of FML.
flyhigh26 0
I like number 1's idea, but really they said that? Every tour I went on the people were quiet I can't see that happening but if it did that is a classic FML.
Ole_Stinker 0
If you don't need the work study money, here is what you could have done: Say to the guy (I assume) who asked about threesomes, “that depends- how big do you like your men?” Say to the woman who made the left had comment “on the contrary, I do alright- big girls like yourself need love, you know.”
ijustreadem 0
LOOL win
fleg 9
so what if they're right? they don't know that. they're pissy highschoolers who think they're hot shit because they're going to college next year. ...or did you really think that little prick is going to be having threesomes? he's just trying to sound important. like the bitch who made that comment. brush it off. BTW #26, bravo. esp since most campus guides don't get paid. there's really not that much to lose
Gameboy 0
LMAO #1! -> FYL! don't fret, things will get better... maybe =D
fmlplz 0
I also would have said the ambidextrous thing. Only because it's true. I broke my right hand once. Those were the most painful and difficult times of my life. Like having a spinal injury and learning how to walk again, only my problem was worse than that, because I lost the ability to touch myself until my wiener cried tears of white joy.
hiandbye 0
hahahah "white tears of joy..." gotta love that :)
MonkeySpeaks 4
Dean: You take 'em out, you pay for everything, and you never make a move! Monty: And then you go home, alone, to ********** while you cry, using your own tears as lube... [cut off] Calvin: Ok, that was once, and I was drunk, and *it was Valentine's Day*. So back off. But seriously - more proof High School kids are obnoxious little immature naive *****. Because its *so cool* to scream out about your sex life.