Or he's a drug mule?

Today, I cleaned up the dog poop from around the back yard. This is how I discovered that my dog's favorite snack appears to be used condoms. FML

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

Good boy

Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called him down. He came running down the stairs with a used condom in his mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. He put it directly in my mom's hands. FML

Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML

Gettin' some

Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriend's dog. After several trips around the block, and plenty of strange looks, I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML

Busted by Detective Dog

Today, it was my boyfriend's last night visiting my family. My dog decided to go through the trash, then run up to my dad with one of our used condoms caught in her teeth. My parents didn't even know we were sleeping in the same room. They know a lot more now. FML

Today, I discovered my dog pooped in my bed, under the covers, by rolling over onto it. FML

Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful mound of poop in the middle of the corridor. He'd made an effort, though: there was a roll of shredded toilet paper next to it. FML

Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML

Today, while doing my laundry, I found a very clean but presumably used ribbed condom in my freshly washed and dried sheets. It was not mine. FML