Today, I found out that my beloved guinea pig has impaction. For the rest of his life it will be my duty to clean out his rectum manually every month, or every week/day if it gets worse. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was cleaning out my new guinea pig cage for the first time because one of them had babies last night. After using a spatula to shovel up the 3 inch layer of crap and placenta, I decided to hose it down. The hose came on so hard, it sprayed the dung and birth water all over my face. FML
Today, I learnt that my guinea pig can shoot poop across the room like a tiny brown torpedo. How did I find this out? It landed in my coffee. It wasn't until after I'd finished my coffee that I noticed it. FML
Today, my daughter's guinea pig got stuck behind the wardrobe, squeaking its head off. I tried pulling the wardrobe towards me to free him, but couldn't take the weight of it all, so it fell over, smashing the TV. The guinea pig is fine. FML
Today, my mum asked me how the guinea pig was doing. We don't have a guinea pig. Turns out she had volunteered me to look after the next door neighbor's guinea pig when they were away and 'forgot' to tell me. They have been gone two weeks. FML
Today, I had to follow a pony that had flatulent, severe diarrhoea for an hour in order to collect enough liquid for a sample. FML
Today, I realized that the only one willing to hang out with me this summer is my guinea pig. FML
Today, I woke up to a squeaking noise and the feeling of something furry on my cheek. I smiled, thinking it was my guinea pigs nosing me awake. Then I remembered that my guinea pigs were in their cage on the other side of the room, and opened my eyes to see the biggest rat ever staring right at me. FML
Today, my rabbit died. He died a painful death from ingesting too much carpet. I now have no rabbit and a patchy carpet. FML
Today, I dissected a baby pig. All I could think about was Wilber from Charlotte's Web. FML
Today, our rodent problem was taken care of. I discovered this when my cat projectile-vomited a soggy, death-scented wad of dark fur and tiny organs onto the couch. FML
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Top comments
Mysanitywins 10
You can't see the OP's name? Derp
ImaWiseGuy 5
I guess that's how you rectify a situation...literally...
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Comments (306)
blinkingstarlet 15
this is really an fml if u think about the poor guinea pigs perspective. lol
benniful 0
I doubt the guinea pig likes it any more then you do but at least you won't die from it
number1storm 0
I would have it put down, it's the only merciful thing.
poisonedprincess_fml 0
dude no joke that's how I lost my guinea pig like 6 years ago...they have no control over their eating habits
notalwaysbesta 14
Well, at least you're a good enough person to do it, I'm sure tons of people wouldn't take on the responsibility. I bet chicks will dig it too, if you play the sympathy card right. But I'm just a sucker...
justanotherhuman 21
I love (pun most certainly intended) people's mentality here. I'd swear like twenty years ago that the standard remedy for having to potentially clean 'out' the inner plumbing of a rodent's ass for X number of years because of a medical condition was "**** it"- typically resulting in death. I would just like to point out the genuine article of love here folks, because the intellectual concept is 'Hard, dry fecal matter in this guinea pig's rectum resulting in the OP's having to manually deal with a rodent, and rodent fecal matter, on a weekly, and potentially day to day basis.' Sure, the OP's reality is the harsh, but intimate day to day life of having to support and care for a loved one who suffers and can do nothing to care for themselves... but one more time, in HD: *having to wipe a rodent's ass* Dear OP, ...FYL.
bobzmith 1
Check the warranty if you still have the receipt then you know what to do :)
gottagetitout 2
aw thats too bad, i hope he is gonna be okay. be sure you take good care of him
LiveLolLuv 0
get rid of it
charrrise 8
You should just wring it's neck