Today, I found out that my beloved guinea pig has impaction. For the rest of his life it will be my duty to clean out his rectum manually every month, or every week/day if it gets worse. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was cleaning out my new guinea pig cage for the first time because one of them had babies last night. After using a spatula to shovel up the 3 inch layer of crap and placenta, I decided to hose it down. The hose came on so hard, it sprayed the dung and birth water all over my face. FML
Today, I learnt that my guinea pig can shoot poop across the room like a tiny brown torpedo. How did I find this out? It landed in my coffee. It wasn't until after I'd finished my coffee that I noticed it. FML
Today, my daughter's guinea pig got stuck behind the wardrobe, squeaking its head off. I tried pulling the wardrobe towards me to free him, but couldn't take the weight of it all, so it fell over, smashing the TV. The guinea pig is fine. FML
Today, my mum asked me how the guinea pig was doing. We don't have a guinea pig. Turns out she had volunteered me to look after the next door neighbor's guinea pig when they were away and 'forgot' to tell me. They have been gone two weeks. FML
Today, I had to follow a pony that had flatulent, severe diarrhoea for an hour in order to collect enough liquid for a sample. FML
Today, I realized that the only one willing to hang out with me this summer is my guinea pig. FML
Today, I woke up to a squeaking noise and the feeling of something furry on my cheek. I smiled, thinking it was my guinea pigs nosing me awake. Then I remembered that my guinea pigs were in their cage on the other side of the room, and opened my eyes to see the biggest rat ever staring right at me. FML
Today, my rabbit died. He died a painful death from ingesting too much carpet. I now have no rabbit and a patchy carpet. FML
Today, I dissected a baby pig. All I could think about was Wilber from Charlotte's Web. FML
Today, our rodent problem was taken care of. I discovered this when my cat projectile-vomited a soggy, death-scented wad of dark fur and tiny organs onto the couch. FML
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Top comments
Mysanitywins 10
You can't see the OP's name? Derp
ImaWiseGuy 5
I guess that's how you rectify a situation...literally...
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Comments (306)
raff696 3
guinea pigs don't last to long so dont worry it won't last long!
missjet 0
I'm sorry
babyluv 0
Put it down, ftw!
ipfire 0
put the poor thing out of it's misery! use a hammer of the freezer.
Shadow1368 17
I was more thinking the oven..
Bl3ndedT 3
um... you're an idiot..: it's an animal that can be put down... not a human
5t3ff1k4h 47
Euthanasia (sp?).
metalhead5564 0
Animals have as many feeling as humans. The only time they should be euthanized is when there is no other option. What you're saying is the same as this; Oh I can't be bothered about looking after my son/daughter. Better get him/her put down! Heartless bastard.
5t3ff1k4h 47
I hope you're not talking to me; I don't like the idea of euthanasia as it is, I was merely commenting on this guy's comment. If that was towards the other guy, carry on.
Shadow1368 17
Okay so..? Don't complain about it. You have to take care of the responsibilities for YOUR pet.
cetlawizard 15
time for a real pet, preferably something that isn't a rodent...or get a python & feed it to that but hope the snake doesn't get "impacted" from the guinea pig. YDI for having a smelly, squealing rodent for a pet..guinea pigs suck, just saying.
metalhead5564 0
Oh? Guinea pigs suck do they? Do snakes curl up on your lap and go to sleep purring? No. Do snakes show any affection for you? No. Do snakes show any compassion and love for anything? No. All these things guinea pigs do. Now what's the better pet? I have nothing against snakes in the wild, they have to eat, and the rodent has a chance to get away. But snakes in captivity? Not only is it unfair for the snake, the rodents have absolutely NO chance of getting away. Think that a living, caring creature is worthless? You don't deserve a pet. You don't deserve anything. All creatures great and small deserve love, even snakes. Congratulations, you're heartless.
thomas357 0
headshot
jordinomoose 0
all this because eating that chocolate "rectum".
gun7runner 5
So, down in ecuador they eat guinea pigs, and they are quite delicious...i recommend you consider this in this instance.