Anonymous
United States
Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog that's humping my leg, I will end up with stitches. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
United States
Bad boy!
Today, I dog-sat for my neighbors' pitbull. Weighing in at 100 pounds with a nasty bite, this dog is no lap dog, but I treated it as one - not knowing how deadly this dog could be - beckoning it towards me with my hand. I now have 6 stitches in my hand and arm, and the neighbors didn't pay me. FML
Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff
Tucson, United States
Doggy dog world
Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML
ZAnon
Houston, United States
Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML
Broken
United States
Jogging is bad for you
Today, I was running with my sister's dog. It had the brilliant idea of shooting between my legs and I immediately faceplanted on the cement. I now have a swollen nose and cuts all over my body. I'm a grown man who does martial arts and I got beat up by a dog the size of a baby. FML
Kelsiiii
Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo
Today, I pretended to be dead in front of my dog to see what he would do. He started to hump me, and when I tried to get up, he growled at me until I got back down on the ground to wait until he was finished. FML
Vee
United States
Beast Mode
Today, my 80lb black lab decided that the moment I start doing pushups is her cue to mount me. FML
Anonymous
Evanston, United States
Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML
Anonymous
New York, United States
Showtime
Today, I accidentally rammed my finger into my desk, and it felt like I'd broken it. Yelping in pain, I fell over onto my bed, missed it, and landed on the floor. My dog saw this as a good opportunity to climb on top of me and start humping. FML
Anonymous
Columbia City, United States
Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML
humanchewtoy
Today, I was lying in bed recovering from a laparoscopy with my dog laying next to me. I fell asleep and later awoke to a burning pain on my incisions. My dog had decided the stitches would be fun to chew on. FML
Top comments
Battledog5006 0
Dam that's one sharp dick
btnhdude 0
you're in an abusive relationship lady.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (73)
alwaysandforever_fml_fml 0
YDI for having an attractive leg! lol
ohpoopy 2
thats horrible. its not ur fault. y should peta kill tjem. how wpuld u like a dog humping u !!!
clarkey 0
punch it in it's face!!
omgpotato 5
wow..... try doing it woth a great dang needless to say... u need a LOT more stiches
olg2209 0
you must enjoy it make sure you give him a treat when he finishes
xo_summer_xo 0
27, best pic EVER!
x_missystaceey 0
LMAO, can't you run ? I'll kick it then leg it like he'll !!
Mauskau 36
That dog almost weighs as much as me...
dannnngthatsux 19
Would we have to get stitches if you humped our leg?
innavoiG 9
LOL
justbigbs 6
ydi for having the dog, and not spading/neutering it, or chain it down