Anonymous
United States
Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog that's humping my leg, I will end up with stitches. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
United States
Bad boy!
Today, I dog-sat for my neighbors' pitbull. Weighing in at 100 pounds with a nasty bite, this dog is no lap dog, but I treated it as one - not knowing how deadly this dog could be - beckoning it towards me with my hand. I now have 6 stitches in my hand and arm, and the neighbors didn't pay me. FML
Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff
Tucson, United States
Doggy dog world
Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML
ZAnon
Houston, United States
Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML
Broken
United States
Jogging is bad for you
Today, I was running with my sister's dog. It had the brilliant idea of shooting between my legs and I immediately faceplanted on the cement. I now have a swollen nose and cuts all over my body. I'm a grown man who does martial arts and I got beat up by a dog the size of a baby. FML
Kelsiiii
Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo
Today, I pretended to be dead in front of my dog to see what he would do. He started to hump me, and when I tried to get up, he growled at me until I got back down on the ground to wait until he was finished. FML
Vee
United States
Beast Mode
Today, my 80lb black lab decided that the moment I start doing pushups is her cue to mount me. FML
Anonymous
Evanston, United States
Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML
Anonymous
New York, United States
Showtime
Today, I accidentally rammed my finger into my desk, and it felt like I'd broken it. Yelping in pain, I fell over onto my bed, missed it, and landed on the floor. My dog saw this as a good opportunity to climb on top of me and start humping. FML
Anonymous
Columbia City, United States
Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML
humanchewtoy
Today, I was lying in bed recovering from a laparoscopy with my dog laying next to me. I fell asleep and later awoke to a burning pain on my incisions. My dog had decided the stitches would be fun to chew on. FML
Top comments
Battledog5006 0
Dam that's one sharp dick
btnhdude 0
you're in an abusive relationship lady.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (73)
welderchick87 0
If it's an English Bulldog (short stubby ones) then you're full of shit. Those things don't get above 60 pounds...unless you only feed that poor thing people food. As for the humping, chop it's balls off and it shouldn't do it anymore. Also....train it. It's not difficult.
Danny_B 4
chop off its balls? why dont we chop off YOUR balls (or ovaries, whatever the case may be...) and see how you like it >.>
dannnngthatsux 19
One, dogs vary, I had a pure blood Doberman weigh 90lbs, they're supposed to be 70. Two, what did dogs eat before dog food companies existed? Three, chop and balls should never be said in the same sentence. Maybe removed. Four, who said it was their dog? Finally, even castrated dogs hump. Either domination or it still feels good.
sexycountrygirl0 0
**** block.
jojoma 0
That what happens when you don't practice safe sex
Dez31396 0
si next time let him finish it kick him in the face
spd2fst4u 5
beat the damn thing!
Igor_g5 0
You should have dropped your pants, got on your hands and knees and let him have a good time.
frostchill 0
did the dog have a happy ending?
the_huldra 1
Bitches get stiches (get it? its a play on words because bitches are female dogs...) not funny? Meh. what evs
czalc 0
Even Bulldogs need love. Stop discriminating!
crystalhendricks 6
Omg ikr mine do that to me to!