Today, I found out that I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother in-law made dessert. It was a beautiful chocolate cake, chocolate cookies, and every other thing had chocolate in it. I'm deathly allergic to chocolate and she knows this. FML
Today, my mom baked a cake for the whole family. One spent EpiPen later, I found out there were nuts in it, which I'm severely allergic to. My mom's defense was that she thought I'd have "gotten over" my allergy by now. FML
Today, I discovered a drawer full of chocolates, cookies and baked goods in my house. When I asked my sister what the drawer was, she told me that my mom thought it would be a good idea to hide the fattening foods from me. My entire family had known about the food drawer, except me. FML
Today, I learned where my mom's "special hiding spot" that I'll "never find" for the Halloween chocolate is, when I preheated the oven to make cookies. FML
Today, I had to go to the ER because of a terrible allergic reaction I had to the cookies my "friend" made for me. She assured me several times that there were no nuts in them. Turns out, she put nuts in them on purpose, to see whether or not I was really allergic. FML
Today, I was babysitting my boss's kids. I brought chocolate for them and the youngest said he had never had chocolate and didn't want any. I told him he should always try new things and should eat it. He did. He's allergic. FML
Today, in a fit of rage, my mom confessed to me that I was adopted, and if she had the chance to turn back time, she wouldn't have done it in the first place. All because I ate the last ice cream sandwich. FML
Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML
Today, my mother turned up drunk at my house with a chocolate cake for my 14th birthday. I'm 27, I haven’t seen her in 6 years, I'm allergic to chocolate, and when she saw that I had 2 kids, she wanted to know why I'd bothered, since kids are always "such a disappointment". FML
Today, my mom complained that I never do anything nice for her, so while out shopping I bought her favorite chocolate bar. When I got home, she screamed at me because she’s on a diet. FML
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Top comments
Dodge4x4Ram 46
your childhood was robbed
clancey6 4
If they were chocolate chip Chips Ahoy cookies.. I understand her reasoning..
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Comments (188)
Sharkitaxrscary 12
Neglected from chocolate... Thats cruel.
Anglaise 13
Parenting win.
wikedjest 0
pricless but really you didn't even try any while growing up that's hard to believe
TcheQ 12
Look on the bright side, you are probably a lot healthier than.........nah screw it, what a bitch!
kasso29 11
Idk what's worse, that, or actually being allergic to chocolate. Which I grew out of. . . :0 or was I tricked too!? FYL though...
ILoveZombieBoys 13
What a cunttttt omg
Comoke1024 19
When you ask for her to provide all the cookies you'd been deprived of as a child, remind her that you'll be picking out her nursing home :D
VixieRattler 9
Well, on the bright side, you're healthier now than if you ate much chocolate when younger. :) although that was pretty shitty no offense
fftk4323 3
Did she also say you were allergic to bacon?
melsweet 19
This is what I will do to my children *begins to plot*