Reported

Today, I was eating at a restaurant in town, when a small boy started looking at me. I simply smiled and went back to eating, only to hear out of the corner of my ear, "Daddy, why does that kid's face look like that"? He said it so loud, the three tables next to us turned and looked. FML

Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML

Today, while shopping for groceries, a small child pointed at my face and exclaimed : "DOGGIE!" FML

Today, while eating with my kids at McDonalds, my son put his hand up and wanted me to give him a "high five." I went to give him a five, but he moved his hand at the last second and I ended up slapping him in the face. Now everyone there thinks I'm a child-beater. FML

Today, I was volunteering at the daycare in my area. When this one kid was leaving, he asked his mom, "Why is she so ugly?" FML

Shifting the blame

Today, at work, I gave ice cream to a kid and apple pie to his dad. The kid decided to grab a literal handful of the dad’s pie which was steaming hot. Cue the kid screaming and the dad yelling at me for not telling his kid that the dessert, that WASN'T HIS, was hot and he shouldn’t touch it. FML

Today, I was at the grocery store, when a little boy looked up at me and asked if I was a prostitute. FML

Leftovers

Today, I woke up to my cat licking my face. Cute, right? Turns out, she was licking the crumbs off my cheek from last night's pizza party. FML

Today, I went over to my friend's house. Her 5 year-old son answered the door and when he saw me said, "Oh great, it's YOU!" and slammed the door in my face. FML

Ewwwww

Today, I was babysitting a little boy. I opened up a new bottle of bubbles and it was all goopy and gross so I said, "Eww!" The boy then asked, "What's "ew" mean?" I replied, "Something gross and yucky." Then he pointed at my face and say "Ew! Ew! Ewwww!" FML