Today, I found out that I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother in-law made dessert. It was a beautiful chocolate cake, chocolate cookies, and every other thing had chocolate in it. I'm deathly allergic to chocolate and she knows this. FML
Today, my mom baked a cake for the whole family. One spent EpiPen later, I found out there were nuts in it, which I'm severely allergic to. My mom's defense was that she thought I'd have "gotten over" my allergy by now. FML
Today, I discovered a drawer full of chocolates, cookies and baked goods in my house. When I asked my sister what the drawer was, she told me that my mom thought it would be a good idea to hide the fattening foods from me. My entire family had known about the food drawer, except me. FML
Today, I learned where my mom's "special hiding spot" that I'll "never find" for the Halloween chocolate is, when I preheated the oven to make cookies. FML
Today, I had to go to the ER because of a terrible allergic reaction I had to the cookies my "friend" made for me. She assured me several times that there were no nuts in them. Turns out, she put nuts in them on purpose, to see whether or not I was really allergic. FML
Today, I was babysitting my boss's kids. I brought chocolate for them and the youngest said he had never had chocolate and didn't want any. I told him he should always try new things and should eat it. He did. He's allergic. FML
Today, in a fit of rage, my mom confessed to me that I was adopted, and if she had the chance to turn back time, she wouldn't have done it in the first place. All because I ate the last ice cream sandwich. FML
Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML
Today, my mother turned up drunk at my house with a chocolate cake for my 14th birthday. I'm 27, I haven’t seen her in 6 years, I'm allergic to chocolate, and when she saw that I had 2 kids, she wanted to know why I'd bothered, since kids are always "such a disappointment". FML
Today, my mom complained that I never do anything nice for her, so while out shopping I bought her favorite chocolate bar. When I got home, she screamed at me because she’s on a diet. FML
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Top comments
Dodge4x4Ram 46
your childhood was robbed
clancey6 4
If they were chocolate chip Chips Ahoy cookies.. I understand her reasoning..
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Comments (188)
clancey6 4
If they were chocolate chip Chips Ahoy cookies.. I understand her reasoning..
IscoreOnU 19
Oreos!
xxGheTToGumbYxx 16
Subway chocolate chip cookies. :D
iEatWookies 1
Ah, if they were, I could see why the daughter may have a "chip" on her shoulder. *crawls back under rock and awaits downvotes*
ScaughtieHolden 11
I want to know how old she is now.
Chill_Turtle95 3
What kind of a mom wouldn't want to share with their own child??
biglittlehead 12
I was going to say she is old enough to have good grammar, computer/ smartphone skills, but it seems like today all 4 year olds have iPhones.
br0ccoli 15
14-If I could, I would bathe in Oreos. You've got chocolate and vanilla, crunchy and moist. Mmmm. I would turn into an MMA fighter if ever I had to defend a sleeve of Oreos. Cookie Monster is going down with his cross-eyed self!
OhDearBetrayal 25
72- You mean vegetable monster. Can't encourage childhood obesity;)
PrincessesCrown 17
This sounded very familiar so I looked it up. http://m.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/13970714 this is the link to the one it sounds a lot like.
PrincessesCrown 17
This sounded very familiar so I looked it up. http://m.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/13970714 this is the link to that fml
YeaSo3 14
Wait! Dont forget Starbucks chocolate chip cookies...which are orgasmic!
PrincessesCrown 17
This sounded very familiar http://m.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/13970714 this is the fml that it sounds a lot like.
LMFAOwned 9
Is your mom blue and hairy?
PrincessesCrown 17
This FML sounds familiar not saying its fake but familiar http://m.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/13970714 heres the fml it sounds a lot like
P374RD3D 9
#76 that was really short-lived, he's still Cookie Monster
Bekeliyr 10
The people who said Subway cookies are the best never had real cookies.
habibiiiiiii 2
She better go on a chocolate binge to make up for lost time!
vocaloidtiger 12
94 ~ I actually laughed at your comment.
vocaloidtiger 12
68 ~ Hey man, give people some credit: I'm only 13 and my grammar is perfectly fine. It's not about your age; using grammar is a choice (which most teenagers and kinds my age don't seem to make).
MDTeddy 13
Fat Op's mom must be.
mojogirl 4
I have to admit I'd do anything for chips ahoy
ositoakaluis 16
she is a dick op I feel bad for you all those wasted years not going trick or treating
MidnaLink 35
I see what you mean, but trick or treats dont always involve chocolate, they're just usually included.
lovelyleah 10
She almost certainly trick or treated, so her mom could thieve the chocolate!
cyanidesandwich 21
She is not a dick... She is a fat ass bitch
ositoakaluis 16
or maybe she is some how related to the cookie monster
SamanthaCassieL 10
You can still go trick or treating... I take my cousin every year, we have a deal; I take her trick or treating, give her some of what I get, and she allows me to use her for candy. It's a great system. Lol
Axipiter 24
77 - Are you, by any chance, an entrepreneur? If not, you should start your own business. That is some of the best business skill I have ever seen!
e_r_i_c_a 4
I don't know about you but when I was a kid the lollipops and other non chocolate candies stayed in the bottom of the bag and didn't get eaten until weeks later when I was out of the snickers, kit kats, take 5's, reeces, and Hershey bars. So yeah that does limit a lot of trick-or-treating candy.
supportcommand 17
Well said. Thumbs up x2
JustKittyKat 24
Wasn't an FML posted a lot similar to this?
MidnaLink 35
Yeah, but this mom is a selfish bitch, the other OP's parents were just too vain to let her have chocolate.
JustKittyKat 24
Oh, yes! Now I remember. Thank you. If I were OP, I'd try to look on the brighter side and eat all the cookies I wanted. But don't share with your mother.
Dodge4x4Ram 46
your childhood was robbed
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Definitely. That should be a crime which warrants a jail sentence.
speshlk37 13
She's a friggen' Nazi man!
SamanthaCassieL 10
I don't know how I would have lived this long without chocolate...
dinorider_fml 4
45- actually you're right, the Holocaust happened so that hitler could give the nazis more cookies. *sarcasm*
jenloveslaughs 6
20- your profile pic is.. Wow..
jenloveslaughs 6
20- your profile pic is.. Wow..
mystical_child 6
#115 they guys profile pic is from a guy off the Internet, whose 'famous' for saying, "BOB SAGET" it's not really him incase you're wondering. x) xo
Thizzkidsgotgame 7
Nows as good as ever to start plotting your revenge.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
117- **** you! You piece of shit!! Ass! Piss.
AussieChild 22
Hahaha! That's genius :D
sirpantselot 22
Genius maybe, but hardly suitable for parenthood. You get kicked out of kindergarten for not sharing!
heygirlie777 21
Reminds me of Raising hope when virginia told jimmy he was allergic to fruit!
MURIKKA 11
You gotta do what you gotta do to protect your cookies.
JustDerpin 11
'MURICA!
Welshite 40
You mean you've never had a chocolate chip cookie? :O I would cry if I was denied chocolate.
gantoman 13
Even worse, OP never had Nutella.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I've never had Nutella.
123josie123 11
I don't even like nutella *flies away*.
zuzupetalsYO 11
56: I wish I could favorite your comment or give you more thumbs up!
vocaloidtiger 12
10 (Welshite) ~ Excuse me for changing the subject, but I've never been able to tell what your profile picture is supposed to be. It's seriously started to bug me.
Dinger1992 3
Now you should steal all her cookies. That'll teach her a lesson
wannabesinger 16
That sucks, but think of how much chocolate you can enjoy now! Ooh ooh! Go have a Reese's! They're the best!
myFMLname 8
Why start with the best? First, start with the somewhat decent, like the ones at a Nordstrom or Dillard's, then the good ones: Twix and snickers. Then the really good ones: Kit Kat, M&M's, 3 Musketeers, then top it off with Reese's. That way the surprise gets better and better with each candy.
daytoday21 10
Awful...but didnt you notice the lack of epi-pen? Even as a kid I had a basic understand of how food allergies work that would have made me suspicious...
Welshite 40
I've lived most of my life without one; it's just a matter of knowing what foods to avoid. Now that I've carried an epi-pen for years, I've never used it. A couple of times I should've but I got through the attacks without using it.
deliki 11
Not all allergies require an epi pen.. My friend has many allergies that range from different levels of attack.. Some she just gets a headache from..