Today, my demented asswipe of a lab partner thought it'd be funny to replace the birthday gift I bought for my girlfriend with the large intestine of a recently-dissected dog. My girlfriend nearly fainted when she opened the gift box, and accused me of planning the whole thing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend surprised me with what was allegedly a birthday "cake". It was so horribly deformed, I wasn't sure whether to eat it or wear it as a hat. I had to pretend it didn't taste like play-doh, and ended up throwing it up in the toilet. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, my coworker had been distraught over not being able to keep his dog after his divorce, so trying to be sweet, I'd ordered a specially-made stuffy that looked like it. I put it on his desk with a note and cookies. He thought I was mocking him and threw the plate at me. FML
Today, it was our 5th anniversary, so I decided to play a little joke on my girlfriend. Before I gave her the real present, an engagement ring, I gave her a gift-wrapped rolling pin instead. I ended up in the hospital. FML
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
Today, my girlfriend screamed at me for throwing away her food, calling me a sick, controlling psycho. When I pointed out that the seafood pasta I tossed was a week old and almost certainly rotten, she dug the box out of the trash and ate it to prove a point. Now she's got food poisoning and somehow it's my fault. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Dinner was going well until her dad secretly fed the asparagus to the dog under the table, and then "discovered" what a childish thing I had done. My girlfriend believed him. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML
Today, I learned that my husband “accidentally” let the dog out and allowed her to be eaten by an alligator because I got a male coworker, who is also a good friend of mine, a birthday present. We had an argument about our friendship, which apparently bothers him. I’d had that dog since I was a junior in high school. FML
Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML
Today, I drunkenly buried my girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later she asked to see it and came back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of the dirt. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Nordrag 26
As far as pranks go, anything that ***** with a gift for someone else is taking it to far.
slooby_fml 25
Create an...experiment...for your lab partner
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (65)
mspiggy3712 11
That sucks!
slooby_fml 25
Create an...experiment...for your lab partner
jjessen 20
I heard raw eggs and orange juice go really well with coffee. why don't you give your lab partner a glass :D
mrdinofly 6
"An eye for an eye makes the world blind"
slooby_fml 25
56 - If you let people pick on you, you get the reputation of being an easy target. Let people know that you're not one to mess with
jjessen 20
It appears my joke flew over most people's heads. When orange juice and raw eggs are mixed with coffee, it creates an explosion, thus creating a sort of chemical revenge :P
Snowlight_fml 7
*Of your lab partner.
deathskittlez 6
You mean "from" said lab partner...
Nordrag 26
As far as pranks go, anything that ***** with a gift for someone else is taking it to far.
swordidfate 13
Maybe suggesting where he got the intestines from?
Gokushivum 11
"From a recently dissected dog"
emeraldisle 30
That guy has a twisted sense of humour.
twinkiefeets 17
Why are you dissecting dogs.
inthedopeshow 17
Probably because it's a required lab in OP's biology (or similar science) class.
greenfishbait 19
It's definitely not unheard of. Most advanced science classes have to dissect dogs,cats,rats, pigs, etc.
ShyAnn29 15
I took a vet class, and I dissected cats, it was pretty cool too!
AmberAusgeflippt 13
To get an education. Try it.
s_reel16 16
She should believe that you didnt do it...
MidnaLink 35
Sadly… even OP planning this is not out of the realm of the inconceivable. Not that he did it, of course.
golden_warrior 23
It's a good prank OP but he should have done it to you and not your girl friend.
shadowedpixie 19
You need to get that person back for this, BIG time!
jamnglamgirlie 17
blood must be shed.
QQmore_fml 18
That's what stated this whole thing...
olpally 33
Regift it and go dump that on his head. Asshole.