Today, I found out that guys will only flirt with me when they're drunk, and even then only when they realize that my best friend is out of their league. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to a bar with my best friend, and some guys came up to us and started flirting with her and offering her a drink. I felt a bit left out and started joking that "I'm thirsty too". One guy looked at me, cringed and said, "No, I don't buy drinks for weird girls." FML
Today, my best friend got drunk and told me he's only friends with me because no one else will be friends with him. He then went on to tell me that he wasn't actually that drunk. FML
Today, while I was working in a bar, a very fat drunk guy kept flirting with me. He assumed I liked him because I kept blushing. I didn’t. It’s just been so long since anyone flirted with me that I apparently now cannot control my reactions if a man talks to me. FML
Today, someone told me they liked my personality when I'm drunk. I asked, "What about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML
Today, I realized that the only time my girlfriend ever calls me is when she's drunk. FML
Today, a drunk dude walked up to me and said, "You're ugly as fuck." His sober friend quickly apologized and explained that he was wasted, before looking me up and down and adding, "Well, not completely, I guess." FML
Today, I went out to a bar with some of my friends. They're all in committed relationships, but every single one of them got hit on. I'm single, and yet again, nobody even said hi to me. FML
Today, I found out that one of my best friends likes the girl that I like. What's funny is that my best friend is also a girl, and has a better chance with her than I do. FML
Today, during a drunken night out, a really trashed friend said to me, "Jeez, even when I’m drunk, you're really ugly." FML
Today, I was trying to seduce a really good-looking girl, when all of a sudden she leaned in towards me and said, “Sorry, I’m not drunk enough to make out with you.“ FML
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Top comments
saIty 17
I heard if you get make some milkshakes it'll bring all the boys to your yard.
305Miami 0
There is somebody for everybody Op!! Don't Worry!!
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Comments (89)
305Miami 0
There is somebody for everybody Op!! Don't Worry!!
night72 1
Ever seen that episode of the Simpsons when moe said that and then it zoomed to a girl on the other side of the world and she kills herself?
SamanthaCassieL 10
Good episode.
sens3sfailing 25
Well I guess we know who the ugly friend is...
XTheDesertSongX 17
52, was that necessary whatsoever?
clairedycat124 3
Forever alone much?
ambowew 7
Wrong FML, young chap.
HowAreYouToday 34
*forever available.
gc327072 31
11- that's quite a shiny lining you got there...
kakkyman 4
12 - thats quite a motavational picture you have there!
lixone 7
#40, that's quite a nice chair you got there!
CatsForLife 3
69- that's quite a nice circle you got there!
HowAreYouToday 34
12, 40, 69, and 70; enjoy this combo break that I wrote over here.
Soloman212 28
That's... Quite... A nice combo break you got there?
SneakherHead 5
#75 that's a smart chimpanzee you got there
SneakherHead 5
*Baboon wrong animal
MrForgetable 0
No worries, beer goggles are the greatest invention on the planet. They get everybody laid at least once... supposing the goggles wearer remembers, they might want a second ride! gl Op!
Vidrill 22
Just because it happened once or twice doesn't mean it's always the case... Drunk guys tend to be more flirty in general... Cheer up, a better attitude always leads to more positive things!
enormouselephant 15
Yeah, get some more confidence:) maybe you just seemed more down to earth and easy to talk to. That's a good thing!
Dontplayjr 0
Hi c:
gc327072 31
Lol 61 is trying to flirt on the Internet. Look at this idiot.
saIty 17
I heard if you get make some milkshakes it'll bring all the boys to your yard.
kittytub 12
the ending of Dodgeball just played through my head.
kamikrazy 6
My pokemon bring all the girls to the yard, and they're like wanna trade cards, darn right, I wanna trade cards, I'll trade you this but not my charizard.
NanillaVipples 2
My homework brings all the Asians to the yard, and they're like "it wasn't that hard."
technochik3 12
66- omfg that is hilarious haha
gc327072 31
Beer just makes you realize how things really are. They dig you, OP. Besides, you can't go wrong with Sam Adams and Heineken as wingmen.
LarryLaDouche 13
Heineken?! Jager is the best wingman.
SenselessPattern 12
Not Dos Equis? The most interesting man in the world could set you up with Chuck Norris if you wanted.
gc327072 31
Hey, gimme a break; I think I did pretty good for rushing to comment. I mean, it's a lot better than putting "Eeiiigghhtthhh!!!!1!!!1!!!!"
sicksadworld1317 30
No, no. Jack and Jose are the best wingmen . . . though they do have trouble getting along at times :)
sillyyanks 24
Hang out with uglier girls then YOU can be the hot best friend :) My best friend (she's a girl obviously) started doing this and not only did she get more man, but she has more confidence too!
MrBond007_fml 6
Wait a minute, so your saying that in order to boost your self esteem, you should find uglier friends? You are screwed up in the head.
lacespace 8
Yeah! Screw friends based on personality! Base it on personal gain! Be as shallow as tea spoon and life will get better. Trust this noob ^
sillyyanks 24
Well I'm a guy...I'm saying my close friend did this and she found herself being more confident, and confidence is half the game!
sheethapins 13
... So, you say your best friend got an ugly best friend just to make herself feel better... And this is ok? Really?
lacespace 8
Sounds like your friend could do better to befriend a therapist rather than poor people to degrade or use. You make it sound like this is something she told you worked for her like she just went and got a new hairdo and clothes or something.
xxmollyxx 25
Sounds like a delightful girl. I'd be worried she was doing the same to me.
MrBond007_fml 6
Molly is that a mini hippopotasnakecrab in your profile pick?
Soloman212 28
So by saying that your best friend purposely got an ugly best friend... Are you admitting that you're ugly? I thought "confidence is half the game."
xxmollyxx 25
It sure is, mr Bond.
sillyyanks 24
Smart, smart, smart girl but you should read profile genders. I'm a guy. Most girls utilise their best guy mate as a barrier to stop other random guys hitting on them, not as a way of attracting guys :S Also she did this before I was friends with her, and she would never have had the confidence to speak to me if she hadn't done what she did initially. Everyone can be a bit of a douche when they're growing up but I have found a close and lasting friendship because of her actions so screw you all! :)
MrBond007_fml 6
Screw you too douche
Feared 9
On the bright side, you have a golden wing-wo-man.
Church_Vii 4
Hey, you'll find a real guy some time, but probably not in a bar. If you go to some alternate coffee places or something maybe you'll find someone who sees passed pure physical characteristics. There are good guys, and you will find one. Good luck :)
dompee44 0
bc every guy at a bar isn't good? In case you haven't heard the entirr purpose of a bar is to meet people, I suppose a library would be even better than a coffee shop since that was established for social gatherings
CCDNRGD81411 3
You can find your soulmate in almost any place in the world.whether a bar or a chatroom someone is there for someone.its a matter of them wanting the male/female and doing whats necessary to get that person.
ambowew 7
How does 'forever alone' fit this FML? OP has quite a few chances to shack up with a drunk lad, by the sounds of it.