Today, I found one of my mom's old diaries that dated back to my infant days. I couldn't help but read a little. I'm now in great concern over how many times my mom wrote that she wanted to dunk me in the toilet or throw me against a wall. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found my long lost diary and curiously read it. What's worse than finding out that your mother read your diary? Finding out that your mother wrote comments in it. FML
Today, my mom read my diary. Then she frantically booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist. FML
Today, I found my diary on my mother's nightstand. Bookmarked. FML
Today, feeling very distant from my daughter recently, I decided to sneak a peek in her diary to see what was on her mind. The book was apparently one of those that play the sound of a woman screaming when opened improperly, and alerted everyone in the house to my actions. FML
Today, I rummaged around in the attic, looking for old pictures of me and my family, so I could make a surprise collage. Instead, I found my dad's old journals, talking about how desperately he didn't want a kid, and how he wanted to leave my mother more and more every day that passed since I was born. FML
Today, my dad found and read my diary. Most of the entries were about how my father didn't respect my privacy. Then he phoned my aunt and read her passages from it. FML
Today, I was helping my mom look for some money she'd misplaced. At my wit's end, I flipped through her diary, in case she'd hidden it between the pages as she has before. Didn't find the money, but I did find out she might well be cheating on my dad. FML
Today, I took a look at my 9-year-old daughter's diary, thinking it would be full of cute stuff. Instead, it was full of hateful rants against me and my husband, as well the boys at her school, who she called gay because none of them ever hit on her. It seems I've failed as a parent. FML
Today, my therapist asked me if I’d been journaling as he suggested. I had to tell him that I don’t trust writing down my innermost thoughts anymore, because when I was younger my mom read by diary multiple times and beat me for what I wrote. So did my ex-boyfriend. FML
Today, I found a notebook my 12-year-old sister had been doodling in. Turns out the "doodles" were poems full of obscenities and descriptions of how she wanted to hurt herself. When I showed it to my mom, she accused me of writing the notebook myself to frame my sister. FML
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Top comments
MandyMeow_fml 18
That's true motherly love
emilyjgraham 34
I'm sure you'll understand one day, not that every mother wants to use violence, but how stressful having a child can be. Maybe your mother went through post natal depression but wasn't diagnosed, it happens. Just let it slide, I'm sure she's happy now. She might not want to remember the feelings she had. :)
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Comments (179)
MandyMeow_fml 18
That's true motherly love
MetalxSoldier 26
I think we can all agree when I say HOLY SHIT, don't piss her off!
Harpy20 24
Obviously she was just venting her frustrations in her PERSONAL diary. Having a child can be very stressful and the lack of sleep that accompanies can lead to varying instances of psychosis. The fact that she didn't act on those thoughts means that there is nothing you need to worry about, especially if the only indication of these thoughts were left in writing and not on your physical/emotional well-being.
auntiemomma 0
where's pops at?
RumbleroarsCub 3
I agree with 21, Don't take it personally. When my mum was pregnant with me she got incredibly sick and fainted loads, but the other day she told me I was her favourite mistake. Not sure if that's a compliment or not, but I'm flattered nevertheless.
theten_fml 9
No 21 don't make excuses to Mr. Mom. She a crazy psycho!
hama806 19
I'm not sure how old OP is but there is something called postpartum depression. Many women felt that way but didn't know what it was. It's the women who did anything about their feelings who were considered crazy. Most of the time it's a hormonal imbalance and will go away with meds or time. I'm sure her's went away...you would have known it otherwise.
paddy4169 5
Postnatal depression...
Qandol 26
Be very careful OP, don't get in her bad side because she can still dunk you into the toilet and throw you against the wall.
hama806 19
At 114- I believe postnatal refers to the baby not the mother.
ygdrassil 17
125 - Postnatal depression–explains all the crying.
youjustmademelol 4
Actually thats pretty normal, all babies wake you up at midnight, poop on you, puke on you, and still need to be paid for played with and fed, tell me you would not kill onee
trismagestus 19
All of mine survived, 164. :P
martin_martian7 11
That is just scary.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Confront her. Only way to be sure. Otherwise you'll just get paranoid about it.... and maybe turn into your mother :S
heygirlie777 21
If she confronts her, her mom will probably get mad at her for reading her diary. OP, if she actually tries to do those things, call the police...
Aug1508 9
If you're a mother you would understand. Some moms feel very stressed out and might say things like this but would never actually do it. Their love for their child is immense but the frustration of maybe having a baby who won't stop crying can get to them. The fact the OP is writing this means OP is alive and well and I'm sure the mother wouldn't attempt this anytime soon.
jetsown08 21
When you read that diary, then you have my permission to die. (Batman reference for all you that didn't get it)
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Does nobody understand tongue in cheek humour any more?! I miss the good old days... although they didn't have memes and rage comics in those days. I'm torn.
st0815 9
Nope, this site takes its humour very seriously. No more unauthorized jokes, you hear? Now go and write a post explaining why OPs feelings and frustrations are normal, nobody else seems to be aware.
fishface517 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
We're you her first? That explains the frustration...
keylimecat87 3
Were.*
fishface517 10
Auto correct -_- darn iPod!
domking1315 20
But "were" is a word. It wouldn't auto correct that
penguin96 6
Actually, it would. It does it to me all the time
iiTzNeeNerz 26
It's actually considered normal for first time moms. It's called Postpartum depression & the different stages of psychosis that accompany it. Google might be able to enlighten you a bit.
smellymellyy 7
I don't understand why anyone really cares whether someone accidentally inserted an apostrophe into a word - who gives a flying ****?
keylimecat87 3
English majors?
wastland247 0
I'm a Literature Major and I still don't care.
outoftown 27
#107, Those who value clarity and accuracy. If you are taking the time to write, get it right.
Johnnylittle 3
At least she didn't actually do it! Everyone has violent thoughts at some point in life
odawg_34 2
I agree
justjazzmyn 3
then thumb his comment up.
kasso29 11
Yeah, but still wtf? How could you think of doing things like that to your baby? Sure they can be a handful, but seriously?
emilyjgraham 34
I'm sure you'll understand one day, not that every mother wants to use violence, but how stressful having a child can be. Maybe your mother went through post natal depression but wasn't diagnosed, it happens. Just let it slide, I'm sure she's happy now. She might not want to remember the feelings she had. :)
DullBeauty 6
Might you mean postpartum depression?
emilyjgraham 34
I had to check then! They're the same thing, I just went with the one that I know of. :)
kl0x 8
That's what I thought, I've got two little girls, they're still babies, the older has 2 years and i thought sometimes about gaging her and put her in a wardrobe..sssso stressing. Obviously I wouldn't but those thoughts are there.
Zoh_Aubrey 8
Postpartum Depression is no joke. For the first three months of my niece's life, my family had to keep her away from my sister because of things she would say. She never did anything but we felt like at 17 she could snap. But after she healed and relaxed she was fine. She's the best mom ever now.
KBeatz 5
She wouldn't love you to her full extent if she didn't just want to abuse you every now and then. It's only that she cares for you, miss!
alexh15 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Problem child eh? Still, no excuse...
BlackCherries94 17
That sounds like postpartum depression idiot!! And it is nothing to joke about!
TehParteh 9
Atleast shee didn't act on her thoughts.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Or did she? That explains that "birthmark".
ColourInsanity 7
I think every mother has those days, OP. I'm pretty sure I drove my mom crazy too.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Ah don’t worry, loads of parents feel like that. My sister said she wanted to throw her first baby through the window. It was just that she was exhausted as the baby was constantly crying night and days due to stomach pain. She never meant it and she probably is the greatest mother I know and her 3 kids adore her.